father disclosed my personal matter to family friends

[Sady]

Re: father disclosed my personal matter to family friends

I think you are extremely harsh in your advice and are not keeping in mind her weak position to defend her hubby to be. She did mention that nobody is happy with this marriage but still she managed to make them agree to her decision. If it were some outsiders speaking ill of her hubby to be then I would have suggested her that. But it is not the same when it is her own parents, siblings and especially because she has still not married him. He is still a fiance and not her legal, lawful husband. Maybe she can take a stand in the way you suggesting AFTER her marriage with him but not yet. For now, most probably, she is just happy that she made all the family members show green light for going ahead with this marriage. If she has reached this stage with careful diplomacy, I think she is managing her situation quite well.

@Paheli00

So you were fully aware that your father has a habit of mentioning personal family matters in front of everyone…..yet you still - for whatever reason - decided to share a personal matter with him and though he would keep it private?! What on earth led you to believe this even though you knew that’s not his personality? From now on, seriously think about the person’s personality and their past behavior before sharing personal information - even if that person is a parent. If they have acted a certain way all your life…..they’re going to continue that behavior.

It’s not that you could not say anything to defend your husband or stand up for him…..you CHOSE to sit there and listen as everyone else called him nasty names. Just like you CHOSE to stay quiet when your family called him nasty names within the home. By staying quiet the first time in side the home, you sent a message to your family that you’re going to sit there with your mouth shut when they disrespect your future husband. And by staying quiet in front of your family friends….you sent that exact same message. So yea…..it’s pretty much guaranteed that these family friends will continue to make nasty comments b/c after all…….it’s not like you’re going to say anything back to them. You’re like their punching bag.

How about your learn to stand up for your future husband….especially once he actually becomes your husband? If you already know these people are going to be rude to him and insult him….why would you agree to go to their houses? You’re an adult….ready to be someone’s wife and potentially mother. Act like it! Act like a grown-up and say a firm “no” to situations where your husband will be treated badly.

You wrote that “in the end, I need a person who respects me and who I can respect”. Do you even know that it means to show respect for your life partner? Part of “sticking to him despite all the issues” is taking a stand when others call him nasty names and not putting him in situations where you already know he’ll be insulted. The nikah hasn’t happened and you already know this battle will continue. So if you’re choosing to marry him while after knowing all the drama….then be willing to stick to him and stand by him 100% of the time….even when he’s not there in person.