My cousin is 25 and really wants to get married because she’s scared she wont get many good proposals the older she gets. They have been quite a few proposals for her but none have reached the point where the families could get together and talk because of her dad. For god knows what reason he isnt that bothered about her marriage and always says that theres plenty of time. Tbh her other cousins and aunties all waited until they were nearly 30 to get married and most of them are now divorced or still single unfortunately and are too old to get married, thats what she doesnt want to happen. Her dad just doesnt get a move on and her mum and grandma are very worried, since shes got a job as a doctor and everything and the only thing left is marriage. Ironic thing is that he’s willing to back his own niece up since shes a punjabi wanting to marry into mirpuris but wont get his own daughter married! Everyones frustrated but noone can say anything to him since he just gets angry and starts raising his voice at anyone who tries to make him see sense.
Apart from making dua and praying in such a situation, what can we do?! Like my grandma even suggested getting her married without her dad and stuff but thats not possible as her father should be there no matter what hes like. My cousins tried reasoning with him many times and trying to ask him his problem but he doesnt say anything. Does anyone have any idea why someone can be like this and how to tackle it? What can she do? (and no running away isnt an option lol)
I don't get what the niece being Punjabi wanting to marry 'into mirpuris' (what ever that means) has to do with it?
At the end of the day she has to make an effort with those family members who agree with her to find a suitable match and exclude the father if that what it takes. If she wants to get married then nobody has a right to stop her but with no guy in the picture if makes it harder. Find a decent guy then father will go along...
Same reaction by dad had at the time of elder sister when she was of age of getting married. He just could not tolerate any " boy" being with my sister and getting married to one was a big no no. Dunno what kinda of a twisted mentality he was having.
But my mom and other elsers kept looking for suitable rishtas.
When my mom and isster found an appropriate rishta, they just went ahead with it. All along my dad kept making a big fuss and having hysterical fits at home of how everything is happening against his wishes and that my mom and sister will evenutally "suffer" fir going against him. Even though my brother in law himself was a very nice and elgible guy and his family was very well settled and nice people.
Some people just have weird logical reasoning in their head , esp people of the older generation. They sometimes do not know how to link their conservative mentality with the needs and reality of the modern world unfortunately.
I don't get what the niece being Punjabi wanting to marry 'into mirpuris' (what ever that means) has to do with it?
At the end of the day she has to make an effort with those family members who agree with her to find a suitable match and exclude the father if that what it takes. If she wants to get married then nobody has a right to stop her but with no guy in the picture if makes it harder. Find a decent guy then father will go along...
Mirpuri bit was nothing important just illustrating that the neices family members are against her marriage coz of stupid reasons such as the grooms a mirpuri etc and yet my cousins father is backing that girl up and not his own daughter who wants to get married!
Same reaction by dad had at the time of elder sister when she was of age of getting married. He just could not tolerate any " boy" being with my sister and getting married to one was a big no no. Dunno what kinda of a twisted mentality he was having.
But my mom and other elsers kept looking for suitable rishtas.
When my mom and isster found an appropriate rishta, they just went ahead with it. All along my dad kept making a big fuss and having hysterical fits at home of how everything is happening against his wishes and that my mom and sister will evenutally "suffer" fir going against him. Even though my brother in law himself was a very nice and elgible guy and his family was very well settled and nice people.
Some people just have weird logical reasoning in their head , esp people of the older generation. They sometimes do not know how to link their conservative mentality with the needs and reality of the modern world unfortunately.
I have no idea why her dad is being so difficult and really cannot understand his twisted mentality. When I talk to him he seems very normal and intelligent, and hes not even that conservative but then hes against his own daughters marriage??Like what even...
we cant go down the route of getting her married against her fathers wishes because then everything will blow up. He doesnt talk to his own wife as it is and it is really starting to affect their kids so doing this would only make it worse!
The girl's family will need to take a stand. It might be very damaging but you can't sit politely and expect miracles.
My mother's cousin had the same issue. She waited patiently but her mother refused again and again. Finally everything ended explosively with the last daughter asking her eldest sister to interfere on her behalf because she knew she had a great rishta which her mother was obviously going to decline. Her mother was furious but the eldest sister and everyone else persisted. On the day of the nikkah my nani actually forced an unplanned ruksati because the mother was still doing a tantrum and she was worried she wouldn't allow a ruksati the next day. The eldest sister found a groom for herself as well.
The girl's family will need to take a stand. It might be very damaging but you can't sit politely and expect miracles.
My mother's cousin had the same issue. She waited patiently but her mother refused again and again. Finally everything ended explosively with the last daughter asking her eldest sister to interfere on her behalf because she knew she had a great rishta which her mother was obviously going to decline. Her mother was furious but the eldest sister and everyone else persisted. On the day of the nikkah my nani actually forced an unplanned ruksati because the mother was still doing a tantrum and she was worried she wouldn't allow a ruksati the next day. The eldest sister found a groom for herself as well.
I think everyones right. My cousin and family needs to do something themselves because its balancing one persons unhappiness against my cousins life. My uncle has lived most of his life but his daughter is just starting out and this may potentially ruin her life. i.e. staying unmarried and growing old
I think everyones right. My cousin and family needs to do something themselves because its balancing one persons unhappiness against my cousins life. My uncle has lived most of his life but his daughter is just starting out and this may potentially ruin her life. i.e. staying unmarried and growing old
Yes, for all you know he's just being picky and scared rather than in mentally ill mode like my mother's relative above so it might not even be as difficult as you're imagining. Stuff like this needs family unity where all the bara people get together and discuss matters. The eldest sister got married too late and was unable to have kids but eventually adopted with her husband so things turned out right for her but your cousin might not have things turn out the way she wants them to. If she's ready then she's ready. She's an adult and her wishes should be respected.
but wont get his own daughter married! Everyones frustrated but noone can say anything to him since he just gets angry and starts raising his voice at anyone who tries to make him see sense.