DaffyDuck is just the messenger people!
Daffyyyyy 
Re: Family Versus Girl - what should you do?
^ Yeah, we're commenting exactly on what she's telling us. I dont see anybody personally attacking her or her family...right?
It's hard to find a full package..call it "compromise"..they have to do it sumwhere either on the girl or the family. in this case girl is 100% of a match from wat u have described and family's not. it cud have been the other way tat family was a 100% match but girl wasn't. i think they should count the blessings and ignore this family difference if they can.
the most reasonable and objective way to resolve this issue is to figure out how hot the girl is. write up a list of criteria and assign the girl a mark for each one of them. let the math guide you.
Re: Family Versus Girl - what should you do?
guys to each their own .... if thats the yard stick the guy's family is using then who cares ... good for them ... i'm sure when they're looking for a rishta for their own daughter some jerk with even more ridiculous thing will come along ... i personally think when two people get married its not just two people but two families that are getting together and they have to mesh ... and this meshness is not based on the kind of jobs they have or education but the kind of social and cultural values they have ... so if the values of both the families are the same then i say go for it ... otherwise think about it once more ... i mean if the grl is so perfect then i probably wld still go ahead with it
Quite ashamed of it but my Mum is one of these ppl, looks down on my brother's future inlaws :( She hasn't said anything to their faces but of course they've picked up on the negativity and so hardly ever call or come over (only special occasions like Eid and even then it was just a last-minute invite) You would never guess that our two families are about to host a wedding together..
i personally think when two people get married its not just two people but two families that are getting together and they have to mesh ... and this meshness is not based on the kind of jobs they have or education but the kind of social and cultural values they have ... so if the values of both the families are the same then i say go for it ... otherwise think about it once more ... i mean if the grl is so perfect then i probably wld still go ahead with it
Agree with this statement totally. On it's face, the guy's parents seem dare I say "shallow" in the characteristics they do not like in the prospective bahu's family - but at the end of the day, the relationship is between two families and if there is a different mindset/value system between the two - then it's better that they admit that right now rather than talk down to the other family later.
I'm surprised that more of you haven't come across the mums who say, "hum sirf Defense wallay gharanay main apni beti/beta ki shaadi karangay - woh hamaray jaise log hain".
The Defense wali/waley bahu/damaad may make their life miserable, but they measure people by a different standard...
I don’t think they’re being materialistic. I think we all know that the blending of families is an important part of marriage. Anyway, I don’t think they know anything specific that sounds problemstic. The families just have different styles, and when interacting they should be open-minded.
My friend was discussing a concern with me recently and i thought to take input from my fellow Guppies.
My friend belongs to a well established, decent, well off and progressive family. One of her brothers is in an internationally high rated multinational company. Another sibling is a Chartered Account, One is a doctor and parents are both at a considerably well established position.
For her brother, they all like a girl who they all know personally one or the other way. Everyone is single mindedly accepting and liking the girl for all the traits she possesses - educated, decent, good looking, happy natured, well bonded into family, presentable, religious to an extent, liberal to an extent..overall as described she is a flawless girl from every person's perspective separately and from their own scope of knowing her indifferently.
The problem seems to be that in the last 1-2 visits they have met her family there seems to be a wide difference between them & the girl, between the family & my friend's family. Her family seems to be not very well off, not very dignified, not very presentablt, not very educated, not into some established careers. On the other hand, my friend's family is decent and low profile but inwardly are very high ranked people as a family and individually. Their dressing, their house, their talk, their education, their social circle, their lifestyle, their living everything is very much different from the girl's family. They all seem to be confused about it as they extremely like the girl and are doubtful about the family. Although its the girl that will be coming to this family but even then the family and their lifestyle does hold a lot of importance as this interaction will go on for years.
Has any one been through such a dilemma when you liked the girl a lot but were not too convinced about the family. What should one do?
are you buying a thing or looking for a rishta? All of your mention words are actually feel like coming from uneducated & materialistic person.
using words like not very dignified for others is pretty much related to low-class people. The girl deserves better !
I don't think they're being materialistic. I think we all know that the blending of families is an important part of marriage. Anyway, I don't think they know anything specific that sounds problemstic. The families just have different styles, and when interacting they should be open-minded.
read her post again, blending of new person is different, calling them "not very dignified, not very presentable" is more like third class thinking.
explain to me what is "not very dignified/presentable" what they are "achoot"? or it's the guys family who are having nightmares, what if the lady parents come on rikshaw .. what the people will think, crap people. More like a newly-rich !
After reading through almost all the post.. it is so depressing that one can even consider thinking about this if they are dignified people. I know many times high class in pakistan worry about their image but if the girl is coming to their house and she is dignified and she represents their family then what more do they need. Their are many girls that come from middle class families in to high class and do a great job of carrying their husband's name.. I don't know how an educated family would even have this issue I guess! However, I do think that the girl should know since her life is definately at stake in this issue.
Re: Family Versus Girl - what should you do?
a lot of ppl in pkstn think this way.. i m not surprised..2 each their own i guess..BuT
if theyr truly unhappy with the 'dignity' of her family then they should not hurt her by doing this rishta..yeh sab us bechari ko pata chalega to kitni down hojaigi..:(