I know that our culture is very stong family values, but I am more interested in finding out where you stand personally.
As we get older, we tend to value our strong relationships with our parents, sibling etc, however there is always a tension between our individual goals and wishes of ones family. Where do you draw the line?
Some examples
For guys who are about to get married the dilemma involves whether to live on your own or with your parents after marriage.
For girls its about higher education particularly when it involves moving to a new place on their own for their studies.
I did just that, I moved and started graduate school. Wasn't easy for my family because they worry about my safety, etc, but I had to do it. It's for my own good and I asked for guidance in the matter. I remember when I first moved out my family was completely against it and they thought I cannot make it on my own. Some thought I will be back in a few months after not being able to handle it, but I was able to, with Allah's help. I surprised everyone. Mash'Allah.
It isnt easy though. Many of the things they warned me about are true. It's hard to keep focused, but if you can do it, fine. If you are someone that easily follows people and gets distracted, then I dont recommend it. Ultimately I will do what my parents want, which is to be able to support myself and eventually get married. Just the path I am taking is different, the result is going to be the same. Insha'Allah. Allah knows I have good intentions, and I have asked Him to make my family pleased with my decision, and I have told myself that I am going to behave properly in this situation. So here I am and family now supports me. Alhumdulillah. Took a while, but I finally got their approval. smile
It’s not that my mom is completely comfortable with the situation even now. It’s that she has had to accept my decision because I am here and mom is at home. But I am showing her through my actions that I can be responsible, although I have a pitfall every now and then, but ultimately, I am trying to be responsible. It’s something that lies in your own hands to do. Parents I think will often see you as the little girl or boy, its upto you to show them that you can be an adult. But I think you must show them with a loving attitude and show that you take their concerns into consideration. And most of all, parents want to feel needed. When you move out or you start making your own decisions, sometimes they think that they arent needed anymore, and this makes them disagree with your decisions even more. Anyway, let me stop before I start lecturing. hehe. grin
I dunno, it just seems hopeless, becuase every single person in teh family (extended relatives too) say its my responsibility to not let her down coz of what my brother did, to not turn out like him… :hinna:
InshAllah Tallah, when I get married I have full intention of living with my parents who will be the leaders of the house; what they say goes. My wife will be loved and cherished by not only me but also my parents; My brother will treat her like a younger sister. However, it is essential that she gives every single person in the house RESPECT.
To be honest, I wouldn't want her to be very educated (in terms of a university degree and such) because I find a lot of univ graduates want to work; and this is not allowed/preferred in our family. She would be one of the queens of the house and her responsibility would be to look after the house, my parents, and the kids.
I also find that when people come to the west they somehow change and want to adapt to the culture. Thats why we're (the family) is considering moving back to Pak zameen.
May mine and all your dua be accepted by Allah (swt). Ameen
