Family System Breaking Down in Pakistan?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

salams

this is terribly sad and depressing…

but I really feel like the family system in Pakistan is slowly disintegrating… :bummer:

in the big cities, joint family system like it used to be practiced before, is already becoming less common…

ppl from rural areas are migrating to the cities and settling there, leaving their brothers and sisters and parents behind…

then ppl are migrating abroad and settling there, leaving their families behind…

sometimes their children settle abroad and then they r even cut off from their families back home…

everyone is running after material gains…a ‘better lifestyle’ and ‘facilities’ and ‘money’ and ‘better education’ etc etc…

people are migrating to America and England and Canada and Australia and God knows where leaving their families behind for the sake of a better education or a better job…

i am also a culprit here… :bummer: but i hope inshallah i wont get caught in this vicious cycle of greed permanently..

that concept of ‘everyone living under the same roof is the key to happiness’ and ‘daal roti kha ke bhee khush rahein ge agar sab saath rahein ge’ just does not exist anymore… :bummer:

ppl’s thinking is changing fast and some ppl who even belong to the old school of traditional thought, when they see the new trends, tend to start getting convinced k maybe this is ok…

i recently met an aunty who is widowed, she lives alone in karachi, and both her children live in the usa…her health is not that good…her children send her money and she has a maid who takes care of her needs like food etc…at night she sleeps alone and locks her door from inside and her maid sleeps outside…and the maid sometimes doesnt come so she sleeps alone in the appartment :bummer:

this is not even the only case…there r so many like these i have seen…

i dono but i feel like this state of affairs is sooooooooooooooooo :bummer: :teary3:

what is our society coming to and why r we becoming so materialistic? :bummer:

2

laanat hai aisi aulaad per jiss kay nazdeek maa baap say barh ker koi aur cheez pyaari ho

3

Im sorry but i beg to differ. Back in the 50s, 60s and upto the 70s the UK saw alot of Pakistanis coming in, but i feel it has really declined in the last few decades. If you look at the UK, most pakistanis here are either 2nd generation or now 3rd generation immigrants, the number of new ones is low.

~~
50

4

Laanat 2X

It’s amazing how some of us forget that without our parents we would not be who we are. Sheraz bhai, I know your parents and my parents deserve the highest of respect, because they raised such izzatdar, and naik sons :hehe:

5

:rolleyes:

6

oh Gawd…no need to get jealous and start rollin out the eyeballs..I’ll include you too, if that’ll stop this latent hostility.

7

bhai rajput lets just hope aaj kal k bachay learn to appreciate their parents...Allah sab parents ko hum jaisay bachay dain :)

8

irem

to some extent i agree with you......!!!!!!!

yes there is a growing trend of migration .........but there are so many factors involved in this

have you seen the latest situation of unemployment in pakistan......??
i know some people who r really looking forward for migration in west.....one of them is a close relative right now in karachi.......his father passed away in 1996........he is the only son n since then he is trying hard for some decent job..........unfortunately he couldn't succeed.....n now he is trying hard for migration n his mother n sisters r all with him .........yes he will leave them but not selfishly just for his own good but coz he knows and realizes his responsibilities..........yes his mother n sisters will miss him n all that but as they say no pains no gains.........n above all i think he himself will have to struggle for that n its he who is gonna suffer most..........!!!!!
kia khayaal hay......???????

9

The family system is breaking down to a certain extent all over the world. When you live in your own country and aren't too far from your family you don't feel the impact as much. It's harder when you are 36 hours away by plane.

Many of us have moved far away from our families of origin. But many of us have found solutions that allow us to meet our needs and fulfil our responsibilities. Frequent visits on both sides, closely knit communities, all help us to stay in touch, help others and find help when we need it.

In the end I think it all boils down to a personal choice. It can cost a bit more effort, but if you feel it's important you'll do it, right?

10

Irem, i think about that too sometimes.

I've always cherished joint family systems, i mean if it's worked for your family, all the more power to it. I've spent a part of my life living in a joint family system, and it has a lot of benefits. It's helped me develope very close relationships with grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. that i might have not otherwise. I miss that the most while living in the usa. Missing out on little things back home, like being there for your grandparents, or watching your little cousins growing up, and just taking part in family gatherings. Sometimes you feel so immensely alone here, and you think if living here is all really worth it. Khair, i am going off on a tangent here.

As for the situation in pakistan, our society there is gradually becoming very mobile. People are seeking opportunities, and thus family systems are being effected. Change is inevitable, and i am a little resistant to change, but i hope it brings more good than it does bad. I mean i look at the american society, it's very individualistic. Individualism is good, but the extreme of anything is not good, and thats what i precisely fear for the pakistani society. We need to find a balance between individualism and family values in this whole joint family system. Otherwise we'll soon be following the lead of the western society. What pains me is when i see elder americans, in their 70s, 80s, with no one to take care of them. They could be bedridden in a nursing home with no one to even visit, thats just such a sad state of affairs. So i hope we find a balance somewhere, before realizing that it's too late.

11

i agree with Saher…:k:

but i think parents always want the best for their kid…sometimes my dad wants to send me faar away for Uni so i can get a better education but i always refuse to do so…i feel safe being at home with my parents and i would rather prefer spending nights under their roof then any other strange place…

i guess after living far away, parents training comes in handy and to a test…parents want their kids to be trustworthy even if their several hundered miles away from home…

12

Aashi - i went to college away from home and this has its advantages and disadvantages…u learn a lot and feel urself grow as a person…[but i dont know if thats just a part of growing up? :konfused: ] but living by urself does teach u a lot…
but on the flip side u r away from ur family and u miss ur family a lot and they miss u…and its very tough…

Sehar - i hope too that we find a balance…

Shirin - thats right…if its important u’ll do it…but still i think its important to be physically close…do u think thats important or do u think its not really?

Afia sis - salams, how are u?
that poor guy is in a bad situation :frowning: it is sad…maybe he shud try if thats what he thinks is best and he cant find a good job in pak…but leaving his sisters and mother alone will also be tough…
and also, once he is able to pull his family out of the initial difficulty, maybe they shud all reunite…
but Allah knows best, this is just my view after a superficial and not necessarily accurate view of his situation…

50Cents - u r right bro, but i think now ppl migrate more to north america and canada, as opposed to uk in the 60’s

Sheraz Ct and Rajput Fury - :slight_smile:

13

Re: Family System Breaking Down in Pakistan?

I agree with you on that one irem :frowning: its unfortunate that this is happening not only in pakistan but all over the world, i personaly know a mother who was widowed, and her sons and daugther deserted her and left her living alone in some welfare housing she has no car, no maid, shes old , she cant see thing, she has no friends, no one to do her grocery or take her to doctors appointment on time. Her son’s and daughter bought themselves new house in suburbs driving nice cars, and fullfiling there material world wishes… Why couldnt the sons ask there own mother to go live with them? :(… this evil lust of $ and greed will not get them far in the afterlife though… they are blinded, and they will get unblinded when one of them gets health problems or one passes away or gets into an accident and they will come back runing looking for family to reunite again…

what happen to the good old joint family living style? :frowning: its really sad