How many of you gals faced or are facing family pressure on your marriage subject?
Like a proposal comes for you. Parents likes the proposal coz:
1- you are not getting many proposals. so no line of boys waiting outside.
2- they dont see anything objectionable about the current proposal.
3- Rishtay nahi miltay, you have to marry someone.
4- They know the guy e.g. relative, cousin or friend’s son, so a lil of security there.
but you for some reasons do not like the guy. they do not consider your reasoning. they call it stupid and immature. they are worried for you and want you to get married (apnay ghar ki ho jao) asap. they put pressure on you , so you give them ur consent. They emotionally blackmail you, get angry at you, try with love, remind you of your younger un-married sisters, remind you of your age, and give you waastay etc etc ???
Kissi ke saath aisa hooowa hai??? Did any of you gave your YES to a proposal only out of your parents pressure?
If yes, how do you feel after engagment or marrriage?
If NO, how did you handle the whole situation? Its very hard to fight with parents. you cannot see them naraz but you cannot accept that guy either. what do you do in such situation?
Putting pressure on a girl to marry her off to the first apparently eligible guy that shows up at the doorstep is a desi norm. I believe it happens to the majority of our female desi population, so nothing new.
In my opinion, you should consider the facts they are telling you, but the decision should be yours. You should decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I know how it feels. was forced to marry my cousin. fought against this before and during the nikkah period and ended up getting divorce papers after many years.
I felt as if the 'golden years' of my youth were wasted on being depressed and frustrated.
Alhamdulillah I met a wonderful man and have been happily married to him for the past 3 years:)
My advice is that you should fight for your rights. Allah has given Muslim women the right to refuse a proposal so others should respect this!
I say you should try to fight as much as you can since this is your life.. but i know how hard it is to reason with parents.. When i got my proposal for my husband I was very much against it and my parents were very upset because they said everything was perfect about my hubs so I was denying a namat from Allah. What got me was that my dad said to me that "one day you will thank me for finding you such wonderful man". Alhumdulliah I am glad that i married him.. sometimes it's worth listening to the parents I guess :)
I did fight for myself two yrs back when a proposal came for me and learnt that i can be in so much trouble with my parents if i didnt find anyone for myself asap. woh tou shukar that guy himself kind of refused by making an excuse but if he had not, then i would be married to him today. coz i was hell pressurized by my father specially. he did all that emotional blackmailing with me which i never ever expected. i felt for the first time that daughters r burden on parents shoulders and may be burden on this planet too :( my parents have given me full liberty to find a suitable guy for myself if i can....... and if they approve too i can by all means marry the guy. I didnt find one nice guy for myself where i could say oh yes he is the guy i can live my life with. now all i get to listen from father is, okay if you dont like this boy then where are your options????? i do not have answer to that. its not me stopping my wedding, its just not happening :( I do want to settle down too but............ qismat i think.
i feel bad when he doesnt take myside and reminds me of my age etc. :(
^You should use emotional dialogues too, like dad its more important to find the right person, a decent compatible person than get married to any aira ghaira and come back home divorced 2 years down the road.... marriage for the sake of marriage is not a good path to get onto.
u should tell them ‘if u r burden on them then u r ready to move out and take care of yourself but u aint gonna get married to someone u dont like for whatever reasons… .. because its not them, its YOU who gonna spend the rest of your life with him’ .. Period <— it worked for me
Hmmmm, guilt them with religion. Say I read istakhaara a couple of times, and I don't want to marry him. And just say, if it doesn't work out, do you want me coming back to live with you?
Been there, done that. Stand your ground BUT only because you know they are wrong ad you are right. Dont just make a decision for silly reasons. I siad yes to a rishta once beacause my parents couldn find anything wrong with him. I met him and thought, yeah, why not? He walked out on me a week before our wedding date. A month later, hubs rishta came. Was abt to refuse him (mainly becuz i was afraid) but thought i should get to know him. And Alhamdulillah a wise decision. We have been happily married for 3 1/2 years now ALhamd. so make sure you have good reasons to say no to every rishta your parents have.
Is peer pressure only for women ? Isn't it also true for men ? I have seen so many men getting in to a marriage only because ''zubaan daa chokay haan'' OR ''She is your cousin'' etc etc . It must be a hard situation to be in . But again it does happen in at least 80% of marriages in Pakistan .
The daughter may seem like a burden to to the father/family. But if she marries a guy and is unhappy or depressed during her married life, she'll become a burden to her husband. A father can always be willing to take the so called burden of having a daughter while he is alive, but a husband doesn't have to put up with that.
I am not sure why this is soo common in pakistani culture that once the engagement is broken the first rista that comes along.. you must send your daughter away with them.. Age is another issue just like this.. Many of my friends that are a little bit older than me waited till they found someone compatible for themselves.. the only problem comes when the girl isn't able to financially support herself then she becomes dependent on family.. My sister has clearly said to my parents that she isn't interested in getting married due to her doctoral degree but my mom keeps getting rista's for her and continues to ask and she says No because she feels that they aren't comptable for her.. I don't know if i want to call this a smart idea either.. but she is taking a stand and my parents understand that she is going to be able to support herself incase she doesn't get married for a while.
I have never had pressure from my parents. I know alot of my friends have however and all of them found it easier to submit rather than question or stand up for what they want. I think it is a huge worry for parents hence there is constant pressure.
The topic is mentioned sometimes and I get freaked out so I say I don't want to get married to which I get the response- 'tum kya, tumharay baap ne bhi shadi ki thi' to which I just laugh. Then run.
Fairytale, I was in exactly your situation and I just submitted and said yes...8 years down the line, well, read my current thread "this marriage is a punishment" and you'll get the general idea about how brilliantly it all worked out.
one year back' i was exactly in dat situation nd u guyz cant imagine how much pressurize i m in those horrible dayz. they used to blackmail me in every possible mean. i admitted dat guy has all qualities dat has to b in a good hubby bt why ........ i still dnt know.... i dnt felt any attraction toward him he is not my type nd i kept on refusing to my parentz nd stuck to my decision. they got very angry on me. bt with time every thing settled down. but u know guyz whatz da worst part is dat till now i dnt get any recommendable rishta for me nd my parentz r very worried for me nd when i see them in such situation i feel very guilty nd sometimes they used to say me y i refuse for dat proposal nd i reject namat nd taunt me wid dat nd blah blah nd seriously guyz itz very painful nd smetme i think dat being a girl is it a badkismati i alwayz pray in namaz dat plz ALLAH SEND a suitable proposal for me bt still dere is problem i kept on thinking dat if diz time a rishta came for me nd again i dnt found it appropriate on my termz then ............... bcz diz time they wont listen me
<— it worked for me