Re: Family didn't attend
Yesterday I went to see my mom, she recently had a really bad fall and scared my dad and I alot by it. Her own brother (my mammu) who lives about 10 min away from my mom, didn't bother to see her, he called though, so good for him I guess, he did his due diligence in his eyes. But in my eyes, he should have come over to see his sister.
I got mad naturally, and what did my mom say? "I raised my brothers (she's the eldest), I love my family, so if I am not doing any giley shikwey, why are you? They are busy in their lives." And I said, cuz thats not right, they are "family" right? they are supposed to be there for you when you need them. and if they cant be there for YOU, my mother, then who the hell are they to me? I won't keep relations with them
In this particular scenario, I believe you overreacted and stuck your nose in something that was none of your business. When I'm sick (I actually had emergency surgery a few years ago), I prefer that people not visit b/c then I feel like I have to pay host to them. I would not be at all offended or hurt if someone didn't physically visit me just because I fell and had a scare...a phone call is more than enough for me. Now if I had a long-term illness like cancer and a family member who lived close by didn't come to visit during the multiple months I had dealing with the disease...that's another story.
Initially when I read your wedding story....I didn't think you were overreacting. But now that I've read this additional story, I get the feeling that you're quick to jump to conclusions and tend to be a bit selfish. I get the impression that you think people need to behave that way YOU want them to behave in order to show that they care about you. And frankly, going by this type of thinking, you will continue to lose family and friends over the years.
For the family members who didn't come to your wedding because of school or work reasons, do you know for a fact that they were lying about their reasons? During grad school, I was forced to miss a family wedding due to a class presentation that was 50% of my grade (long story but trust me when I say that I could not get it re-scheduled). Over the years my husband and I have missed weddings and other important events of close friends and family members as a result of not being able to take time off from work. My best friend of 15+ years missed my wedding.....she was almost 9 months pregnant, lived 30 minutes away and wasn't feeling well. I trusted her enough to believe that she wasn't lying about her health, I would never want her to do anything to put her own health or health of her baby in danger and thus, despite being very hurt, I let it go. She's still my best friend.
If people aren't making an effort to continue their relationship with you, then yes, you should let do of that relationship. But when you're about to cut ties because a person didn't behave the way you want them to behave during 1 event, you really need to rationally think through as to whether it's worth it to throw away the entire relationship over that one event.
And btw, your mother obviously cares deeply about her brother who she raised. The comments you made to her about her brother....it's difficult for me to believe that she felt any pleasure in hearing her daughter talking about her family in such a manner. How do you think she feels knowing that her accidentally falling led to a situation where there is a rift in the family relationship? While's it great to express your feelings..... you may want to think about what you're really accomplishing with your words/actions.
