Wanted to ask everyone If they have ever been put in (or know anyone) who has been put in a situation where they had to make a difficult decision. A decision which the family didn’t agree with, did u regret the decision later on or did u believe it was the right decision for u?
Mayb u where pressurised into making a decision by ur family. Are u glad ur family made tht decision for u? r u happier now or do u wish u could go back and change things?
I was recently put in a very difficult decision and had to make a life changing decision tht has effected everyone in my family. the majority of My family don’t think I made the right decision where as I believe what I did was best for me(but am yet to see tht thro).
I understand what I’m asking might b a bit personal but I would really appreciate it if u could share either ur own or someone else’s experience.
I feel as Desi’s we are constantly pressurised into doing things tht we might not necessarily wanna do. do we just listen and go along with it, or do we stand up and do whats right for us? (jeez tht sounds so selfish. is it?)
CE, yes I have been through that when I wanted to marry this person my family didn't approve of. The thing was logically I didn't see any reason for them to reject him...it was more because of "log kya kahein gey" and "what ifs" so I patiently dealt with them but told them that if they didn't allow this I wouldn't be marrying anyone else either.
Eventually, they approved and now we are all happy!
So if you feel you have weighed all possible consequences and your heart and head are together, stick to your decision. I know elders look out for you but sometimes having no experience in the particular issue may cause them to have fears of the unknown.
So don't be upset with them...but do stick to your plan.
Not me personally. I said no to someone I wanted to marry but my mom wasn't too sure. I love my mom more than anything. I am married now to someone else. I am very very very happy MA with him. I am much much happier now. I don't know how life would've been if I had married the one I wanted to. I never think about it. What I have now is greater than anything in this world. It doesn't always turn out to be this way. We all have our own experiences..
Its odd, but my sister married someone my parents didn't approve of and now ... umm .. she is just struggling. But the again, its what you are happy with. I guess she is happy with what my BIL has and is fine struggling.
yes in my case its the same thing what will people say etc etc. and it sounds like such a stupid thing those people will soon find someone else to talk about. I believe I made the right decision and my cousins who I talk to who r my age agree with my decision too but the elders just have a complete different view. I hope my parents do approve one day sigh
tht aside u truly r one strong women Niksik to stand up to ur family and tht man must truly mean alot to u for u to go thro all of tht for him :)
I knew him long enough to be certain that I would be happy...when you have consistent feelings about someone without a shadow of doubt then you can be confident like that I guess.
My parents also had confidence in me as I had a track record of making reasonably good decisions in other areas of my life as well. It's just that there's always a fear attached to a child finding someone for themselves. And then you have the relatives et al.
But think through, think of all the possibilities, and most importantly, have faith in God.
I have seen both sides of it. I have seen marriages where the parents totally did not agree last, and some break up. I have seen marriages where the parents agreed and they broke up. I think it truly depends on how you and him are. If you are confident of him and you are sure that he is a good man, who will treat you fairly, and with love and respect then do what your MIND says not your heart. The heart is a stupid organ! it was never ment to think! Add who is mature enough to be in a marraige...
good luck hun! be confident if this is truly what you want. May Allah SWT keep both of you happy and bless you with a prosprous marriage.
The only thing i know is that if you have made any decision then never regret on it. Rather believe in God and stand firm to prove that you were right.
Asking such questions or thinking too much on your past "whether you did right or not" is only gona effect your current focus towards your life.
You had choice and you made one. Now its time to prove that you made the it right. So don't think just act!
Listen to everyone CE, do what your heart says is right. People are known to talk, if not your issue they'll find someone else to talk about. Def do what you think is best for you and right for you.
*kuch toh log kahein gaye...logon ka kaam hai kehna *:K337:
I had a track record of making so many wrong decisions. I am not 'out-going' sort of a person so that factor has always been shaking my confidence during the process of decision making. My family used to believe that I don't have any exposure about people around the world (it wasn't like I am very 'masoom' or bholi bhaali, I am just emotional and my family know it quite well) taking decision of marrying with the person of my own choice could turn out to be a disaster and girls in my circle usually don't have any 'turning back' once they get married ( I have just realized that). Girls like me just see whatever seems to be attractive to them.
I didn't have much confidence on my choice (for some reasons). I have realized that the decision my parents took was right. Atleast I don't have to face any disgusting behaviors now.
You can stand on your decision when you have confidence that someone (you are standing for) won't leave you alone by showing disrespectful attitude.
I have seen both sides of it. I have seen marriages where the parents totally did not agree last, and some break up. I have seen marriages where the parents agreed and they broke up. I think it truly depends on how you and him are. If you are confident of him and you are sure that he is a good man, who will treat you fairly, and with love and respect then do what your MIND says not your heart. The heart is a stupid organ! it was never ment to think! Add who is mature enough to be in a marraige...
good luck hun! be confident if this is truly what you want. May Allah SWT keep both of you happy and bless you with a prosprous marriage.
A lot of ppl say 'u will never be happy marrying a guy/girl without ur parents being happy as well' but they don't mention the flipside where so many kids marry a partner they didn't really like just to keep their parents happy and are now stuck in 'dead' or sham marriages and really unhappy.. in our culture unfortunately ppl tend to put too much emphasis on what's on the surface, as long as the couple are still together that's all that counts.. also those marriages that went ahead where the girl and guy got together and families weren't happy then split up, a lot of the time they would have survived if it weren't for the inlaws stirring things..
One of my uncles years ago married his girlfriend who he'd been living with for a while and for this reason my grandma took an instant dislike to her, saying she had no morals etc and wasn't 'wife material', she did literally everything she could to try and split them up after they married inc cutting him off completely, not allowing him to speak to my other uncles and aunties.. In the end they did end up divorcing, the strain got too much..
the problem with us desi's is 'what will people think'... that is the thing that eats us alive. 'what will so and so think if the girl/boy turns them down' blah blah blah.. i dont give a stuff about society its my life not theirs.
