Have you ever been loved so much, and had someone place you on a pedestal so high up in the skies you can almost smell the maneure of Zeus’s horses? What do you do when you’re so scared of disappointing someone? Am I abnormal to think that it’s worse to say yes to marriage with someone who loves you too much and offers the world and more and treats you like a gift from god and is constantly concerned with behaving foolishly around you, etc - at the risk of disappointing them, than to say yes to marriage to someone who knows that its totally arranged from both sides and therefore expects you to just be - a wife?
Your question was kinda confusing . Lemme simplify. You are asking which one of the two is worse:
Marrying someone who loves you too much and treats you like a gift from God.
Marrying someone who knows that its an arranged marriage and wants you to be there just cos you are wife.
In the first case, lemme ask you, do YOU love the person as well and believe that his behavior and treatment towards you is genuine or pretentious. For the 2nd case, lemme ask you, do YOU believe in arranged marriages yourself?
PS: Its impolite to say “Que?”, use “Como” instead, if you trying to speak Español.
Man like woman. Man think woman be goddess. Woman no goddess. Man treat woman like goddess. Woman can't reciprocate. Woman no goddess. Woman be scare. Now how?
It's really not that simple, Irem. My heart doesn't feel like having to deal with the adventures of smelly socks, snoring, and whatever else comes with marriage - as yet. So if I were to listen to my heart, I would choose to vow myself into celibacy and be a female monk and play with animals all day long, or do whatever it is monks do.
hmmm…i think AS YET is the key term here… then dont get married till you do feel like dealing with SOMEONE’S smelly socks, snoring, and whatever else comes with marriage…
good luck and good luck convincing ur parents abt that too
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*Originally posted by 5Abi: *
In the first case, lemme ask you, do YOU love the person as well and believe that his behavior and treatment towards you is genuine or pretentious. For the 2nd case, lemme ask you, do YOU believe in arranged marriages yourself?
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No, this girl doesn't love. But I do believe that this man loves this woman quite a lot. He's spent the past so many years demonstrating it, and he's managed to prove himself true on so many occasions, as someone close to her and as someone both he and she chooses to confide in, (as pessimistic and stoical as I'd like to believe I am), I am convinced that he really does in fact love her, and am often touched by the ways he chooses to express this love, so yeah.
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PS: Its impolite to say "Que?", use "Como" instead, if you trying to speak Español.
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Ooh thank you for the correction. :)
I understand Zulaykha. My husband and I had the same situation during our engagement. It was on both sides actually. We had a fantasy romance, love is blind, your brain turns to mush, you can't speak, you stare into eachothers eyes etc, etc. Reality hits you later. But what endures is love. You should marry whoever you feel is the ONE. I was also afraid that the more my husband learns about who i really am, the more he will think "what the heck did i get myself into!!". But he didn't. He sees me wake up in the morning, he knows my fears, insecurities, quirks and annoying habits. And he still loves me!! Imagine that.
I guess he didn't want a cardboard cutout, but a real person as a wife. Real people have flaws, many dimensions, and many imperfections. I myself would much rather marry a human than marry a robot. Although I do have a thing for robots. But anyway I hope your husband wants to have a real person (you) as a wife and won't hold you accountable for a fantasy image he's built up in his head. It's his problem if the bubble bursts. He's got to face reality.
Mashallah, you've managed to score yourself a prince charming, saimanyc. :-D
You're probably right, in my case, I'm sure he wouldn't want a cardboard cutout (which "woman" really isn't) - but, again, I think many women have a fear of building up unrealistic expectations as we all know the fall is harder then, no?
Can any of you men (though so few of you visit the Health and Relationships forum) relate to saimanyc's? (I was under the impression they were a rare breed, really.)
Ah zulaykha...I have been through that phase.. guess what....I chose to be a celibate 'cuz of various reasons...I was being pulled in all directions without anybody appreciating what I wanted...and in my case even the guy who came with an arranged rishta fell badly(this is rare, dunno what he saw). He didn't want a wife alone...but I can understand what a frustrating situation it could be for you.But feel lucky as you can make a choice. So choose the person whom you like best and be prepared to bear the consequences... I believe it will all be good inshAllah... My problem is I don't want to blame my parents, hence I would favor someone I like or if someone likes me...
As for becoming a celibate...take it to mean celibrate... :D I have broken my voes to be one ;) and enjoy life...
But hey don't say that he is behaving foolishly, I can understand though...but you know what strangely we girls or atleast some of us can't express oursleves the way these lucky guys can. Atleast I can never put my message across .. I can only annoy the other person :-(
. Lemme simplify. You are asking which one of the two is worse:
then dont get married till you do feel like dealing with SOMEONE’S smelly socks, snoring, and whatever else comes with marriage…
and good luck convincing ur parents abt that too 
