Re: falling in love
^ok don't want to support either type of marriage, it's how the marriage('love' or arranged) goes after the two people come together and say the wedding vows, i want to know what it feels like when somebody actually loves you, what does he do or how does he treat you? i'm talkin the actual all consuming love that we hear about that lasts for years and years
and why do people fall out of that all consuming looove?
Re: falling in love
see the Bollywood movie…“Laila Majnu” or “MuGhl-e-Aazam” that will explain! 
Re: falling in love
no i’ve only seen the movie love being ever lasting. or the way Mr. Monk loves/loved his wife, He loved her with such deep all consuming love…one where he still keeps all her belongings and smells her pillow to feel her and smell her even if she died 9yrs ago…he saw her as his better half and feels dead and lives like he died too without her…is it only men with OCD that are like that with their wives?.. Monk is a tv show :hinna:
i’ve never really seen that type of love in real life. It all just seems to exist on the screen.
if the love is so deep why do people hurt the ones they claim to love or how/why do they fall out of love?
Re: falling in love
if the love is so deep why do people hurt the ones they claim to love or how/why do they fall out of love?
When the going gets tough, love flies out the window. They just show the happily ever after part on tv, not what happens 5 years down the line.
Re: falling in love
You hurt the ones you love because they're the ones who love you. If it was a stranger...you could call him/her anything and it probably would not make much of a difference in their lives. Its when people are bothered that you know they care.
Re: falling in love
I think it's a bit naive to think an arranged marriage is "safer". Also, from what I have seen, parents actually often neglect to do their research properly in terms of family background. And compatibility with the actual potential spouse is often overlooked. Most parents become so preoccupied in just wanting to marry their child, they miss a lot of stuff. Both can work if you go about it the right way.
Agree.. I've heard of plenty of parents who will only look at family members (no matter how little they have in common with their own son/daughter), caste etc.. things that in themselves have little or nothing to do with the two partners being compatible.. There are also all those 'passport marriages', can people really claim that parents are always doing what is best for their kids??
And Nisha, this is subjective:
'when it comes to "love" marriage you rarely check **family background and all the other important factors that make a marriage work.'
Surely rather than 'family background' it's more important that the two actual people getting married have the most compatibility (or some sort of 'bond'), but this often gets overlooked by family members who are looking for prospectives who have more in common with **themselves than their son/daughter.
Am not saying love marriages are better than arranged because honestly it depends on the person, some ppl are far better off with an arranged marriage and for others it's the polar opposite.. For me I would have felt 'suffocated' ending up with the son of one of my parents' friends with maybe my whole life already mapped out in front of me.. For others, it's what they really want and look forward to as it gives them that sense of comfort + security being surrounded by 'their' people..
Regarding what happens 'if you get hurt/dumped' by the other person in a love match' if you're an adult really you should be able to handle this, it's a bit melodramatic and naive to think that it's such a huge deal to not be worth ever loving somone in the first place.. Obviously it can take a long time to get over the person and I know it's a cliche but I really do think it can sometimes mature a person or make them stronger.. Imo someone who can't handle a relationship breakup (I'm talking late teens, early twenties onwards) prob isn't 'all there' mentally, should they never work incase they lose their job either??
As Stoppit said love or arranged can both work if u go about them the right way..
Re: falling in love
*'if the love is so deep why do people hurt the ones they claim to love or how/why do they fall out of love?'
*
You hurt the ones you love because they're the ones who love you. If it was a stranger...you could call him/her anything and it probably would not make much of a difference in their lives. Its when people are bothered that you know they care.
So true.. like those parents who beat up their kids for running away or getting into trouble or marrying the wrong person (not that that makes it right of course).. It's just that intensity of love, whether it's a parent or lover, can turn people a bit crazy..
Re: falling in love
i don’t get it, that intensity of love two people feel for each other, makes a man hurt or beat his wife, b/c obviously they did fall in love in the beginning.
like this
so this is love too, just a psychotic type of love
parent child love or spiritual love for God is in a different category
Re: falling in love
^The more emotional energy you invest in a person......the more you care about them. The more you care, the more their actions (even hurtful ones) will affect you (leading in more anger, etc). It wouldn't bug you as much if you were a stranger.
Re: falling in love
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Regarding what happens 'if you get hurt/dumped' by the other person in a love match' if you're an adult really you should be able to handle this, it's a bit melodramatic and naive to think that it's such a huge deal to not be worth ever loving somone in the first place.. Obviously it can take a long time to get over the person and I know it's a cliche but I really do think it can sometimes mature a person or make them stronger.. Imo someone who can't handle a relationship breakup (I'm talking late teens, early twenties onwards) prob isn't 'all there' mentally, should they never work incase they lose their job either??
obviously a guy that abuses or hurts his love needs to be dumped, it would be one sadistic relationship if that didn't happen
i was just asking how it is when a man actually loves a woman when it's true love in the real world not on screen
why does divorce happen when it's a world wind romance where it most definitely looks like love? i mean when it seems so perfect, then one fine day the couple announce that they are divorcing, where did that love go? is what i'm asking
Re: falling in love
^You're right, Nisha. Greater intensity of love....leading to greater anger when hurt by your loved ones.....need not result in abuse. There are other ways of expressing your hurt/anger/disapproval. Part of love is to also consider how your actions (even those in anger) will affect your loved ones.
Re: falling in love
^The more emotional energy you invest in a person......the more you care about them. The more you care, the more their actions (even hurtful ones) will affect you (leading in more anger, etc). It wouldn't bug you as much if you were a stranger.
and how would tht anger present itself?
^You're right, Nisha. Greater intensity of love....leading to greater anger when hurt by your loved ones.....need not result in abuse. There are other ways of expressing your hurt/anger/disapproval. Part of love is to also consider how your actions (even those in anger) will affect your loved ones.
could it result in verbal abuse?
wht r other ways of expressing tht anger?
Re: falling in love
could it result in verbal abuse? wht r other ways of expressing tht anger?
Anger can result in verbal abuse....physical abuse....and even the severing of relationships. What are other ways of expressing anger? What I was trying to say is that one has to make an effort to calm themselves down when they're angry....and think about how to express their feelings....and the impact the method of expressing will have on the other person. It involves some self-control....and it's easier said than done...but it's not impossible. I've seen some people hold their tongue....take a walk....get away from the situation....and then discuss the issue more calmly at a later point. They may feel a greater amount of pain...because the person who hurt them is a loved one. You're not gonna feel the same level of pain if a stranger were to offend you in a similar manner. So, there IS a greater level of hurt.....but that doesn't exempt the individual from the responsibility of managing their anger and communicating their concerns in a decent way.
Re: falling in love
Anger can result in verbal abuse....physical abuse....and even the severing of relationships. What are other ways of expressing anger? What I was trying to say is that one has to make an effort to calm themselves down when they're angry....and think about how to express their feelings....and the impact the method of expressing will have on the other person. It involves some self-control....and it's easier said than done...but it's not impossible. I've seen some people hold their tongue....take a walk....get away from the situation....and then discuss the issue more calmly at a later point. They may feel a greater amount of pain...because the person who hurt them is a loved one. You're not gonna feel the same level of pain if a stranger were to offend you in a similar manner. So, there IS a greater level of hurt.....but that doesn't exempt the individual from the responsibility of managing their anger and communicating their concerns in a decent way.
so in case control is not exercised....and it does result in abuse...it doesnt mean it was revenge?does it?
it was just anger? right?
Re: falling in love
so in case control is not exercised....and it does result in abuse...it doesnt mean it was revenge?does it? it was just anger? right?
You seem to see it in a black and white way. And it depends upon the situation. I've heard a few stories where parents have hit their kids for doing something that could have endangered their lives. Would you definitely call that revenge? The action could have been a result of the shock and fear of losing a loved one and anger at the carelessness, etc. Emotions are very complicated, they're not so black and white. Am I saying that hitting your child is the BEST way to communicate your concerns? Nope.....there are other (more calmer) ways to express your feelings.
Does anger always result in revenge? It CAN....that's possible.....and it does happen....but that is NOT always the case. Can it be argued that sometimes actions resulting in anger reflection of one's ego and pride? Yup, that's possible too. For example, you're no longer in a relationship with someone....perhaps you're the one that broke it off.....you see your ex with another person and you're consumed with rage.....that can result in crazy actions. You might feel a greater sting because you once had history with that person....there were feelings there...emotional energy was invested. But your actions (let's say abuse) could even be a reflection of ego/pride....where you fear that you're inferior in some way.
The more emotional energy you invest in someone....results in greater anger/hurt. The anger/hurt can contain a mixture of emotions............and I don't think it's easy to "simplify" them into saying that ALL of it is either JUST anger or JUST revenge. And no matter the intensity of the hurt.....you do have the responsibility of managing your emotions.
Re: falling in love
thnx…loved ur post…