Fake American

system · July 13, 2005, 6:57am

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system · July 13, 2005, 7:08am

Re: Fake American

It started as a poem. My sister says it was better:

so this is how it feels to be stuck in limbo
slowly climb my way through your body up stairs of virtigo
everything is spinning as i kiss the inside of your fake american thighs
wrapped tight with hair like chicken in cellophane
so this is how it feels to live your lies
every sound you make crashes through all my walls of defense
i follow the rabbit down its hole knowing im gonna get stuck
but i still go oh yeah i still go to get your liquid
feel those feather drops of excitement on my parched body
don't you see i'm struggling to hold back my guilt
when it's all said and done, will you hold back my hair as i throw it up
i don't think so, i didn't think so
so i make this song up in my head and sing it out through my tears
and the distance between us learns to grow in years
all your piss in a bowl wouldn't ride me out of this rabbit hole

Heh.

Whatever. At least I got it out of my system.

Gamma_Dilation · July 13, 2005, 2:25pm

Re: Fake American

SarahSplendor:

I haven’t written song lyrics in five years. Please be gentle.

so i make this song up in my head and my tears sing it real slow
but i know yeah i know that, you're a fake american
you could piss ** Gemma's ** ocean into my goldmine
you could unfurl me on a bed of moonlight
prick me with a star and rip through diaphanous night
but it won't be enough to ride me out of this rabbit hole

Its " * Gamma’s * " can you please change that. thanks

The piece sounds pleasently erotic but i still liked your older stuff better the ones that kept getting deleted.

Man_with_a_Plan · July 13, 2005, 4:11pm

Re: Fake American

Are you hating America over here or just being ironic?

Nice attempt though...

The_Hunk · July 13, 2005, 4:14pm

Re: Fake American

X Gazillion !!!

system · July 13, 2005, 4:32pm

Re: Fake American

Yeah whatever. I'm bristling like a porcupine.

The_Hunk · July 13, 2005, 4:34pm

Re: Fake American

lol … it’s not bad. It’s just funny how you’ve used naivety to spread evil

phatima · July 13, 2005, 4:45pm

Re: Fake American

I love that. They way it rhymes is perfect. Nice :k:

system · July 13, 2005, 5:02pm

Re: Fake American

Yeah, evil whatever. I'm evil, evil, evil.

hiccup · July 13, 2005, 5:05pm

Re: Fake American

sarah, why ask guppies, (just look at the sum total of who relied) for critiqueng?

But as for my opinion, I like it. I prefer the poem.

system · July 13, 2005, 5:06pm

Re: Fake American

Whatever! Now reply to me on msn.

I feel friggin petulant.