im in tears while i write this so please if anyone els has had similar experiences do reply, its heart breaking, i have a month old baby and its going horrible that why im sending this SOS call out to the world…first time mom living in US far far away from my own mom, God! i miss her so much every moment of every day,specially every time my baby starts screaming at the top of her voice and i cant figure out what it is thats bugging her, feel like a total failure and a terrible terrible mom… there r two major issues that im having, she doesnt want to breast feed although she takes expressed breast milk well and second issue is she doesnt sleep… i had heard that babies sleep for hours and stuff, mine doesnt, she wakes up every 10-15 minutes and need to put back to sleep, sleeping in her crib was totally out of question right from the start but now she insists on sleeping in my arms only… she does have probloems with burping and although i keep her in an upright position for sumtimes even half an hour with pats on the back and stuff but it is rarely effective… very down right now, any tip, any wazeefa any thing that cud help with the situation is most welcome
Re: failing at parenthood??
Motus,
Please don't worry too much its very easy to feel down especially so soon after a birth with all your hormones still all over the place. All babies are different....except i had a baby just like yours and thats why i know things will get better becuase my 'baby'is almost 8!!!
If she drinks froma a bottle...thats ok. I know its annoying having to sanitise everything but you won't be breastfeeding forever so its good that she had taken the bottle. I had to struggle on with breast because he woulddn't take the bottle. Except my milk was not very good and he wasn't thriving at all...and because he was hungry he nver slept (and i mean never) my mum and sister were so worreid about me...i felt like a zombie and no doubt looked like one!!!
Not all babies sleep and she is only one month...it takes a couple of months for babies to fall into a routine. you need to ensure that you encourage a a peaceful environment and be calm i yourself as she will pick up on the fact that you are anxious...
If she is burping alot..ensure that when you feed her the teat is full so that so air does not go through. If not give her gripe water. I hear that it is good for trapped air/gas etc. I have never used it so don't really kno.
Motherhood is never easy and this is recognised by the fact that Allah has said that heaven lies under the feet of your mother....as far as reading goes try Ayat-ul-kursi (or if anyone can suggest something more relevant...)
Try to keep calm and get out of the house by attending mother baby gorups etc or just go for a walk with her in buggy...some fresh air will do her good as long as it is ok to go.
like i said before it will get better. I really was left so shaken from my expereince with my first one that i couldn't imagine going through it all again but guess what i did it again and now i have two lovely boys and i can say that my bond with the big one is stronger because of what i went through with him.....
will keep you in my prayers.
Re: failing at parenthood??
I feel for you.
1st - you are not a failure. You probably need more help from your husband I think.
All this is normal - throw in a bit of post-natal depression, it cant be easy.
The women here will know best - trust them!
Re: failing at parenthood??
I was in a very similar situation Motus. Hugs to you and your little one.
Take her to the doc and insist that she be evaluated for reflux. My firstborn they never really evaluated because he didnt have the "textbook" symptoms of it so he went 2 years without treatment due to inept docs. Babies do not need to be uncomfortable. She likely has reflux, likely needs medication like zantac for it and will very likely outgrow it by age 1.
Dont suffer. If need be, take her to an emergency room and insist on treatment. You wont regret being pushy about this once you see the results.
Other things that help - use a bouncy seat with a vibration setting. Let her sleep upright by putting blankets or pillows under the head of the mattress. Warm towel on tummy and tummy rubs.
I wish you the very best and please let us know how things go....
like u mentioned she wakes up after 10-15mins, so its the burp or gas which is bothering her...thats why she is screaming and not sleeping properly... did u notice once she has couple of burps (some babies takes 3 burps after every feed) she sleeps ok?? also u may wanna try gripewater .....
Re: failing at parenthood??
Motus, I feel for you too. We went through similar growing pains. Here are my two cents:
- first of all, don't condemn yourself, you're not a bad parent, just a new one.
- Don't feel guilty if at times you don't feel that blissful connection with your baby, for some it happens immediately, for others, it takes time, you WILL make that connection inshallah
- Don't make it a routine to let her sleep in your arms, babies are creatures of routine, help her establish a routine.
- Get the book "Happiest baby on the block", it worked for us and many friends
- Finally, at about 3 months, there is a magical change, when the crying lump smiles, I promise you, all these difficult times will be worth it and you won't even remember them. Ask God for help and hold on till the three month mark.
I really pray that things get better inshallah.
Re: failing at parenthood??
Looks like this is your first child.
You will become better at hadling baby from the second onwards.
Re: failing at parenthood??
its all normal what ure saying...
sounds like ure talking bout my son .. as i had all the same problems with him...
im also a first time parent and until i found out what was wrong with him.. i was a wreck and probably one of those parents that would snap anytime and actually hurt the child...
first of all.. calm down
find out if the baby is colic, ask ure doctor
my son would sleep in my arms and the minute i would lie him down, he would wake up.. or max sleep for 15 mins.. both during the day and night.. nights were horrible.. i actually started to fear his cry... i could see he was sleepy but he just couldnt.. he would keep wriggling and stirring
my son was not colic as he would stop crying when i picked him up.. or fed him.. initially i just thought he was hungry a lot so i would keep feeding him .. but that was not the answer cuz there is so much a baby can drink
he was not breast fed as he nevevr learned to latch on.. i expressed like you, and fed him that.. he also had to be supplemented with formula as my milk was not sustaining him..
my son had issues with burping like your baby... he would need to be burped a lot... he would also throw up milk (probably from overfeeding)... and he had gas
my solution came in the form of dr.browns bottles (thank u so much for that mamaof3) ... from day one he started to sleep better... the bottles are vented and they dont let air go into teh baby's tummy... also kept the teat full of milk.. and pull out before it empties..
nothing else had worked.. no totka.. no gripe water.. no mylocin for gas.. nothing.. just these bottles.. he is now mashallah 8 months and still drinking from them and healthy mashallah
so first of all.. rule out that ure baby isnt sick.. doesnt have colic.. and if its just the usual gas and need for excessive burping.. i would really really recommend dr.browns bottles... level 1 teat for newborns.
hugs... ure not alone.. there are quite a few moms who have had to go thru this.. i am one of them :) and just for comforts sake.. all that u read online about how a baby should be.. its very very general.. and it takes a lot of courage to overlook that and just believe ure baby is an individual with its own cues and rates and charts.. gotta just follow taht.... i still find it hard but its the only thing u can do to keep ureself sane.. when i had my son.. 4 other friends had theirs.. and they all had the idealistic always sleeping baby no issues whatsoever.. i didnt.. so i nearly went mad.. .but hang in there :)
Re: failing at parenthood??
Don't worry.
This is temporary......but very tiring I'm sure. You have so many accounts here of similar stories so please don't think that you are alone or a failure. You are not.
If your husband is not able to provide some relief time for you then see if there is a neighbour or support structure from the hospital at which you delivered.
Re: failing at parenthood??
Motus, if your baby is having trouble sleeping in the cot, have a go at swaddling. Swaddling is a way of wrapping / tying the baby in a blanket to make it feel like it’s either in the womb or being held in the parents arms.
There are many video’s on this on Youtube. Please see example below. Some people actually use a ribbon thing (or even something that u tie your shalwar with - wide though!) to tie the baby after it is swaddled in a blanket.
Hope it helps.
Re: failing at parenthood??
Another one for a crying newborn.
Re: failing at parenthood??
excellent suggestion RH.
definitely give it a try!
Re: failing at parenthood??
thank you so much every one, reading all this is really making me feel better about my situation, sum times it feels as if my baby doesnt like me which is simply a horrid feeling, i can so realate to the stuff u guys have written.... yes she does need to burp 2-3 times b4 she feels somewhat easy and it takes an age and by the time we r done its time to feed again, we are already using Dr.Browns bottles but i had no idea it had different teat sizes , ill check which ones are we using, but despite these bottles and burping whenever i put her down to sleeping she becomes uneasy in minutes, i was thinking about reflux too, ill inshaallah scedule an appointment with her doc Asap to discuss this... as for sleeping my mom and every one els has also been telling me not to let her make a habit of sleeping in my arms but i dont know how it can be helped, like last night when i got very tired i decided to sleep on the glider with her in my arms coz that was the onlly was both of us cud catch sum sleep, she doesn't like to be swadled, if u guys hav any other suggestion please do post, my hubby has got icu rotation these days so hes out the door by 6 and cums back way after 6 thats y hes not able to helpp much either, neways once again thank you everyone for being so kind and supportive, Allah aap logon ko eis ka ajar dai, Ameen.
and hey i'll look for the happiest baby book and order it right away
her sleeping habbits will change inshallah once the burp/gas issue is resolved....just a suggestion, the way i used to burp my kids is to lie them down for a minute or two (not more than that) right after feeding and then hold them to burp.... it worked Very Well for my both kids.... they used to burp (or fart :D) rightaway.. like every baby is different, it may or maynot work for you.. but atleast give it a try few times....
Re: failing at parenthood??
slightly elevate the baby's head and upper body when he's sleeping...if he's in a moses basket...get a towel or something and wrap it around the stand...if your baby is slightly elevated it will ease the pain...
i kept my baby on my chest most of the time, this way we both got some sleep
also a good desi totka is ajwain and saunf...if you're breast feeding, eat ajwain yourself, if not then just put a few seeds of both saunf and ajwain in boiling water and give the baby some of this water regularly, it will help with the reflux, it worked for me,
or go to the doctor and hopefully they will prescribe some infant gaviscon would should ease the pain...
poor baby and poor mummy, i went through this with my second child, it was a nightmare...it will get better Inshallah, and try to get as much sleep as possible.
Re: failing at parenthood??
ya totally check the level of the teat... for a one month old , level one teat is used... dr.bowns bottles are sold with the level one nipple... u gotta buy the other level nipples as ure baby grows, seperately.. but a baby can get gas by drinking too fast aswell.
Motus,
you are not failing at parenthood!
I work in a setting where we have many new mummies coming in and believe me when I say most new mums have concerns and fall to pieces crying because they feel they are doing things wrong.
So my advice: the members who contributed to this post have all made very valuable points so if you can them on go for it
In England we have children's centres which are government run. They have various groups going on for new mummies/parents where you can go along and not only form friendships but you can speak to other mummies in a similar situation-which will help you as your mums far away from you.
We also have Mum2mum groups (breastfeeding support cafe) in England-these ladies not only support women who take to breastfeeding straight away but they can support anyone struggling who wishes to breastfeed.
Do you have any similar services in the US? Hope you do.x
Re: failing at parenthood??
oh gosh! you are NOT a failure girl!
You are a NEW MOM - and it's NORMAL tantrums you are dealing with!
If the baby cries - then mostly it "could" be gas issues. Even after they burp, some babies just have that problem and it hurts their tummy so they cry.
1) Go to desi stores and find GRIPWATER (spell check)... It's suppose to help the baby with these issues - however it's suppose to be given once per day I think... so check on that.
2) One other thing you can do is - GIVE A NICE WARM BATH - twice a day. It really helps the baby and they sleep well.
3) You can also tell if the baby is constipated. If baby is not emptying out the diaper every certain hour then that's what's bugging him...
So you need to learn new things about the baby - you are not a failure - now cheer up!