hmmm…thts the first word tht comes to my mind after hearing my frnd’s concerns after getting married!
So it was an arrange marriage, and these two got along really well. And wat i heard from her, tht the courtship period was also very lovey dovey, more so maybe coz it was kind of long distance. They would spk till wee hrs of the nite. And there were times when my frnd had to tell her fiance tht they need to take some sleep as well as both had their professional commitments. Now they are married and it was a dream come true for her till the honeymoon was over. They live alone (away from In laws), but this guy hardly spks to her all day (even on weekends)…as in he is okay with not talking to her…maybe exchanging a few txts during the day or talking for a few mins is fine for him. My frnd is emotional and expects tht atleast he expresses his love more openly…but thn this guy says he’s different…and they way he expresses his love is different ( i dnt knw wat tht means)…and tht my frnd shld understand it!
Its jst been a month they have been married and now he’s gone on a business trip abroad and ends up calling his parents more often then his wife (my friend)…she’s very upset..as she’s madly in love with him and now her life revolves arnd him…poor thing keeps crying all the time…
he keeps telling her he’s busy…but he has time to put pics and posts on FB (tht even i’ve noticed)…i mean c’mon she’s ur WIFE!!!..even she needs attention!!!
One thing I dont understand is, if the guy cld talk to her all nite during courtship…wat happened after marriage???
Kya shaadi ke baad sab kuch badal jaata hai???.. all the love, does it get FADED or gets DISAPPEARED after shaadi???
(guys pls suggest me wat can i advise her…she’s my bestest frnd and i cant see her like this…and she really loves this man!!)
way too much talking before marriage is not good ..... shaadi ke baad woh chahat nahi rehti phir .... now as they have almost talked about everything before marriage , they have nothing left to talk about now other then kya haal he , mein theek aap kaise hein ...mausam kaisa he .... chalo ok tata bye bye rab rakha ....
It's the adjustment period for him as well. She is new in his life, I mean his parents/facebook were there before her arrival. Some people work it out instantly while others take their time.
hmmm...thts the first word tht comes to my mind after hearing my frnd's concerns after getting married!
So it was an arrange marriage, and these two got along really well. And wat i heard from her, tht the courtship period was also very lovey dovey, more so maybe coz it was kind of long distance. They would spk till wee hrs of the nite. And there were times when my frnd had to tell her fiance tht they need to take some sleep as well as both had their professional commitments. Now they are married and it was a dream come true for her till the honeymoon was over. They live alone (away from In laws), but this guy hardly spks to her all day (even on weekends)...as in he is okay with not talking to her...maybe exchanging a few txts during the day or talking for a few mins is fine for him. My frnd is emotional and expects tht atleast he expresses his love more openly....but thn this guy says he's different...and they way he expresses his love is different ( i dnt knw wat tht means)....and tht my frnd shld understand it!
Its jst been a month they have been married and now he's gone on a business trip abroad and ends up calling his parents more often then his wife (my friend)....she's very upset..as she's madly in love with him and now her life revolves arnd him...poor thing keeps crying all the time.....
he keeps telling her he's busy...but he has time to put pics and posts on FB (tht even i've noticed)...i mean c'mon she's ur WIFE!!!...even she needs attention!!!
One thing I dont understand is, if the guy cld talk to her all nite during courtship...wat happened after marriage???
Kya shaadi ke baad sab kuch badal jaata hai???.... all the love, does it get FADED or gets DISAPPEARED after shaadi???
(guys pls suggest me wat can i advise her.....she's my bestest frnd and i cant see her like this...and she really loves this man!!)
1. Of course things during courtship and after marriage are not same, the relationship changes and so will the dynamics of it. That is why I am of the opinion that couples don't need to go all out before marriage exhausting all the areas of interest they can touch upon after marriage. But who listens nowadays?! We live in the age of everything instant and abhi chahiye sab bas. 2. Like you mentioned, the honeymoon is OVER! So your friend needs to understand that the honeymoon can't be extended over the rest of her life and she should let the guy work. You said he texts her 2-3 time and calls too, what more does she want? 3. If he is on fb or whatever that mite be his way of unwinding. He is entitled to have some time for himself too, just cuz he chooses to spend it on fb doesn't make he is preferring it over the wife. 4. If he called his parents more than he called his wife while on the business trip....what exactly was wrong there? What does your friend thinks she is that just after a month long relationship with her, the husband should put her above his parents? She is living in a delusion, the sooner she comes out of it the better for her. Seems like you are not the only messedup :p.
way too much talking before marriage is not good ..... shaadi ke baad woh chahat nahi rehti phir .... now as they have almost talked about everything before marriage , they have nothing left to talk about now other then kya haal he , mein theek aap kaise hein ...mausam kaisa he .... chalo ok tata bye bye rab rakha ....
huh?
OP; this is what happens when people get stuck in the lovey dovey phase and forget to talk or consider whether they will be compatible in the long run. shes obviously more clingy and he's laid back, it's just going to irritate both of them. she should probably calm down, find somethign to keep herself preoccupied with and see how things go with him when he gets back.
God knows what happened but seems like he lost interest in her due to another woman or whatever...she should talk to him and ask him point blank as to why he is ignoring her...she should also tell him that she has her God-given rights over him and that she wants to receive it.
if nothing works, it's better to involve elders to liaison between them...this is the Islamic way of dealing with the situation.
First of all, don't consume yourself with the thought that he's "lost interest due to another woman" unless you have sufficient or concrete evidence. Your problem is listed right there in your post where you used the words "life revolves around him." Seems your friend spends most of her hours thinking about him when she can use that time for a hundred other things ranging from the required daily ibadat, to chores around the house, to socializing with other people, to pursuing other interests. The thing is her husband actually HAS other things that keep him busy, it is your friend that has CHOSEN to make all 24 hours of her day about him, so as much as you love her, don't sympathize with her too much cuz she needs to do a bit of toughening up and rearranging. Hopefully when her husband sees that her life and time does not revolve around him, she will appear more confident and not as insecure and he will come back. Try this first. And if there is STILL no improvement, you can bolster your claim by saying that after giving him several weeks of space and he still remained distant. This will show that you tried both strategies: reaching out and giving space, but to no avail. And he cannot defensively/lamely accuse you of being clingy because you already tried giving him space, so he'll have to really think about his actions cuz you have your boxes ticked. Enjoy watching squirm under the spotlight. :)
If reaching out and complaining/nagging have not worked thus far, try making your life revolve around other things for a change. And if that, too, fails you can reach for the higher rungs on the intervention ladder.
actually believe it or not...people do go through phases...when guys are in their "high" phase they make the girl feel like she's the center of the universe...girls become so used to that idea so fast that once the guy's center of attention shifts, the girl's life comes crashing down. anyway, the point is the guy was going through a high...now he's probly like ok i'm married to her, i have to live with her the rest of my life so i dont have to woo her all the time...so he's just become a little indifferent. the girl should focus on other things too and she should try to build now a more stable and steady relationship (which might be a slower, less thrilly process- and this cant be done while she's being neurotic and needy) rather than a tumultuous roller coaster that the first 5 weeks of a relationship are.
Honeymoon period is over and sometimes it's rough to settle in. Let each of you have your "me" time and then set time to be together daily. You are not going to be talking 24/7 like you were in the lovey dovey stage, but things don't have to fade already.
What did you talk about in your lovey dovey stage? Now think of why you are not talking about it now.
Sometimes when guys are stressed out they tend to "shut down" and will go through this quiet period. Is he stressed?
Don't freak out that your love or relationship is fading away. Focus on what brought you two together even if it was an arranged marriage, something attracted you to each other before.
Relationships take time, patience, commitment etc. Noone will have a perfect Hollywood marriage.
One more thing. Did you try gently approaching the subject with him?
I understand the situation your friend is in.. this happens in a lot of relationships and I don't think its called faded. Relationships go through phases and its one of those.. ive experienced something similar but it never lasted much.. im soon to be married and im afraid if my fiancé would start treating me differently.
1: Tell your friend to start getting busy In other stuff.. it would keep her mood good, focus would also be shifted. Moreover guys like girls who are a bit hard to get.. if he sees that her attitude is different he will come back to her. right now shes too clingy ( guys hate it ) and he wants his space.. even when they don't talk much he feels they are as shes trying too hard. stop trying.. let things fall.
2: do you complain a lot? he might as well be avoiding the constant nagging and boring topics that don't interest him.. before marriage he was far away and things were differnet,
3: become his friend..love lust doesn't last .. its short lived. friendship does. be the person he comes to when hes upset.. when he wants advice.
4: Allow him to have his own time with his friends, on laptop..where ever and don't complain.. he will really appreciate it over time :)
5: try to date each other once a week.. like you guys might have pre wedding. dress up for him.. go out.. talk about things apart from household stuff..
6: try to become friends with his friends wives.. you guys can have dinner parties then!
5 weeks is a very short time to judge a relationship.. give it time.. :)
Maybe its time now to stick around her In laws nd try her best to serve them and understand them.. I think more than often the key to the locked door in a relationship is through the parents of one's husband.. So just try to focus on home affairs. and be sharing her views and thoughts with her in laws.
Let's just hope for the best. :)
I think the man needs a little time to adjust.. when you're dating or on phone.. its not a change of lifestyle. he could text and still play video game.. but when you guys are living together.. alone.. its got to be different.
What is ur friends age and her husband? how long have they known each other??
I think many people have advised correctly that this is a typical situation and the girl is overly fixated on the guy. Give yourself and him breathing space please and understand that you are there for LIFE so it is OK in the long run if you don't talk 24/7. Learn to get comfortable and secure in your position as a wife and don't neglect other areas of your world ie that of a daughter, sister, daughter in law, friend, professional etc
thanks everyone…yes i do agree…they both need to give each other some space…mainly i guess bcoz she is currently jobless, she’s feeling more neglected. Once she gets busy with something, she should be fine. I had suggested her this already, but was jst trying to find more suggestions.
Thanks everyone!!
{jst curious..is tht the same case in love marriages??? }
