No doubt mother needs more attention, even more in illness. But sparing sometime for serving MIL, would make your place in the hearts of your husband and in laws. Your serving your in laws would also compensate for the unintentional mistakes of your mother (being human) towards them. (Who knows your MIL might also have gotten sad in the past by an unexpected behavior of your mother that your family couldn't realize).
Just like in present, if your SIL had taken initiative and visited your mother quite often, no one in your family would have gotten hurt by the carelessness of your MIL in this situation.
One person takes initiative to represent his/her family in a good cause, and it washes away even past wounds caused by other members of the family.
Hmm, its tricky! I understand you're upset that your MIL didnt visit your mom.
Your husband is supposed to take her. Has he himself visited your mother? It sounds like he has not had the time?
I think you need to calm down. Its only been 3 weeks. Let your mom relax as well and they will visit when they will. Each family doesnt have the same etiquettes around visiting people who have been so sick. In my family, such visits wouldnt take place up until 1 month later. Its not considered nice to "burden" sick people. So each to his own.
Thanks for the responses. I agree with the people that say you should never have any expectations. In fact, this is EXACTLY what my husband always says. However, you can't help but feel some sort of expectations from those that are suppposed to be close to you? I am now a part of my in-laws family...so naturally I would think they would have visited. I know I should not have ANY expectations from ANYONE. Trust me I have learned that many times throughout my life.
For those asking if my husband has visited. Yes, he has. He visited while she was in hospital and then when she was in rehab and also after she came home he visited a few times. The thing is when he visits, he normally stays for a LONG time (like several hours) and my mother-in-law would be coming for a short visit so it doesn't even make sense for her to come with him because she will be stuck here for that long. It makes more sense for her husband or daughter to drop her off and then pick her up like an hour or so later. Also, she has made no effort to ask my husband when he is going next and if she can go with him.
I told my husband how I feel about this. He even AGREES with me that his family is wrong in what they are doing but he still thinks I should be the bigger person and not let it bother me. He is good at doing that but I find it difficult to do that. I am a sensitive person when it comes to how others treat me and my mom. I think it is because we have always treated people so well and when you don't get the same treatment back it hurts!
R.A.W. - I can guarantee there is no bad blood. My mother never said anything to hurt my MIL and even if she did, it still doesn't excuse my MIL's behaviour.
I know that I shouldn't let this stuff bother me and just focus on my mother. Alhumdolilah Allah has saved her life. This is the greatest gift he could give me and I am so grateful and would do anything for her. Thanks to everyone for reminding me that NOTHING else should matter. I just need to focus on my mom. We cannot control other's actions, only our own.
Thanks for the responses. I agree with the people that say you should never have any expectations. In fact, this is EXACTLY what my husband always says.** However, you can't help but feel some sort of expectations from those that are suppposed to be close to you? I am now a part of my in-laws family...so naturally I would think they would have visited.**
I commend you for your answer above. I'd like to add that you are very right in saying they are your family now(your inlaws). This sort of thinking will benefit you in the long run and they are blessed to have you. As far as own family is concerned, we tend to make excuses for our own loved ones when they let us down. For instance if my brother acts in this manner, I'd make some excuse for him in my mind and heart and forgive him more easily than I'd forgive a stranger. So please just forgive them, make some excuse for them in your heart and inshallah they shan't let you down later on. At least your husband agrees and understands and mashallah he is doing his bit.
Alhamdulillah, at least you are satisfied that you and your family didn't do anything bad to hurt anyone. This calm and heart warming feeling is a great blessing of Allah (swt), which those people can't enjoy who know it at the back of their mind that their behavior was unreasonable on a certain occasion, and they haven't yet compensated for it in the form of apology or any good act that indicate their being your well wishers.
Even though your heart might weep for the respect you lost for your MIL, but your soul would smile for the happiness it has found in forgiving her (not taking your revenge). Which in itself is the best revenge, because she would inshaAllah realize her mistake sooner or later and feel guilty for it. (Which wouldn't have been possible had you said or done anything bad to hurt her).
Keep up the good attitude, by the grace and mercy of Allah swt. Show your husband that you still love your MIL a lot. InshaAllah your love and respect would increase in his eyes.
When your husband is requesting that you be the bigger person…I think it’s because he knows you’re the bigger person, that you have more sense/tact/courtesy (compared to his parents and sister) when it comes to matters like this. And I think that’s a huge compliment (be it an indirect one) because people tend to be defensive about their parents and siblings. He’s admitting to you that they’re wrong…he’s requesting that you be the bigger person because he belives that you CAN be that…and also because he KNOWS his family BETTER than you do…he probably KNOWS that if he were to confront them on this issue…that his parents and sister would get offended (hurt ego/pride) and make matters worse. They might take their resentment over your husband’s confrontation…out on you …and make life miserable for you and him. It would be great if he could approach them about their behavior and they could apologize and do the right thing…but maybe he has a feeling it won’t be that simple. Maybe you’re thinking short-term…and he’s thinking about the long-term undesirable consequences that could take place. It’s a point to consider.
Your mother has many SINCERE people in her life (such as her kids, spouse, relatives, friends) who care about her well-being. And they more than compensate for the two-three people (your in-laws) that failed to show up. I think we sometimes get so hung up on the few that don’t care as much..that we don’t appreciate the many that do. And besides..in-laws tend to have a bad rep in our culture (yes, I know there are exceptions)……but when you are already aware that your saas only thinks of her inconvenience and that your SIL has manners worse than a villager…lower your expectations of them It’s a great blessing in itself that your mother has a son-in-law (your husband) who is very considerate and that should provide her some comfort that he would be there for you in your time of need as well. A few people less…is not going to prevent your mom from getting better. Just concentrate on her. Hope this helps.
^: excuuuuse me, but the last time our beloved cow became ill, the whole village turned up to ask about it.. people were streaming in and out to hear what happened and to show their support.
t' was amazing and humbling at the same time.
so lets not demean the villagers. Illiterate or poor they may be, but you cant mark them down for ettequitte and solidarity. They're quite strong on that.
…but when you are already aware that your saas only thinks of her inconvenience and that your SIL has manners worse than a villager…lower your expectations of them 
It’s a great blessing in itself that your mother has a son-in-law (your husband) who is very considerate and that should provide her some comfort that he would be there for you in your time of need as well. A few people less…is not going to prevent your mom from getting better. Just concentrate on her. Hope this helps.