Some “distance” naturally sets in…because you’re now living with a spouse. Even more so if you move further away from family…or you were living under the same roof as your family…and now will be living away from them for the first time.
But to “deliberately” create that distance…or to think it’s “supposed” to be like that…no. Yeah, you balance your relationships…and need to pick and choose your battles (not every argument with your spouse…needs to be shared with mommy and daddy).
But with your case…I think it’s better if you drop the guy. He already doesn’t respect you during your engagement…he’s showing his true colors…what miracle are you hoping for that would change him after marriage? You’re fortunate that you’re finding out about his issues RIGHT NOW…think about those girls who find out after marriage and are more trapped. He holds grudges to the point that he tries to control you…by cutting you off from people who are important to you. You still have an easier exit out of this mess. An engagement/marriage should be a happy time..with fond memories to look back on. Why are you deliberately robbing yourself of this? You’re a smart woman…get out of this.
Why are you even questioning if your own family is more or less important than his? That’s a question one doesn’t even need to ask someone.