Extended family expecting "help" from inlaws

[Demilitarize]

Re: Extended family expecting “help” from inlaws

@redvelvet

I don’t think it’s right to for a distant relation to “expect” to be helped…but I don’t see anything wrong in asking for help. And in a way you answered your own question. Even though there’s no link to the “job” in question…it could be the knowledge that a person has the “connections” which is what prompted them to ask for help. Knowing how the job market is these days…I don’t see anything wrong in trying to help someone out with putting food on their table/pay their bills. You’re not doing the job for them, you’re not giving them money…alls you’re doing is passing on a resume or mentioning the person’s name/interest to an employer. For all you know…such information might help out an employer who could use someone for the position. I’ve referred people (unrleated to me…who are more like acquaintances) to various places they may try their kismat at getting a job at. It’s not a guarantee that they’ll get it…but it’s not them most hardest thing to do either. You do something good, then inshaAllah it’ll come back to you somehow in your time of need. I do understand that** it can be irritating if if some people FREQUENTLY ask for help. It’s even more irritating if people you helped can’t manage to even show you basic respect…even when you don’t expect anything from them in return**. If you can’t help out with this particular job…then perhaps you can provide general tips in terms of resumes, or referring them to job websites, etc. Times are so tough…job-wise…people must be desperate which may be one reason they’re asking everyone and anyone they know who can help. And it’s not uncommon for people to take advantage of connections…to develop connections for such a practical purpose. It would be more appropriate for the person who is seeking help…to ask one directly…as opposed to gettig someone else to ask on their behalf. It just looks more respectful that way.

All that is well and good. Especially the part in bold. But it all boils down to respect. AND the onus of responsibility.
The job market IS tough. While a good word can be put in, later on when something doesnt develop then it’s “O they didnt try hard enough” …“If they wanted to they couldve done it for us”. Such situations should be avoided altogether IMO by not asking people if you dont believe they will try, whether or not you get the job.