expected mother in law is ignoring

Lifestyle Relationships
1

ok so here is another problem ..i have this proposal well he is my cousin..he likes me .. is very nice and blah blah blah…but his mother is ignoring our family…she talked to my mother a few months ago abt the proposal and now she is just ignoring us completly not calling us..or nothing…i m really upset abt it…she is my moms sis…so i m thinking to reject the proposal just coz of her…but my mom thinks the guy is nice and we wuldnt live with her any ways…even her son dont have any good relations with her …tell me what would u do… i am just getting overly possesive abt this issue…i wanna have a veryyy loving relation with my expected future in laws but they r not stepping up…

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

Why doesn't your mom call her? Or they not taking your ristha thing further?

~~~Missing Someone~~~
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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

ok so where is your hubby to be through out all this. I'm not even getting married anytime soon, but my bf is always pushing his mom in calling my mom and all, (his mom is the one who tells me these things). But anyway, if he REALLY does like you soo much, why is he not pushing his mother? Is he not close to her or something, even then, however, if a son is dying to marry a girl, no mother in this world can come in his way!!! Maybe he's getting cold feet, and thats what's keeping his mother from coming?

But you do need to talk to him first, and ask why has the shaadi talk stopped?

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

drop it -

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

Reject

6

Akkhhhh....

By reading the topic of the thread, I thought that the mother-in-law is "expected"
:D

Please change it to "would-be"

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

^ha ha...
if to be mom in law is ignoring you abhi se then dont go for the rishta...i

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

no arranged rishta is worth all the headache/trouble, aur woh bhi even before the baat-pakki. we need to stop investing ourselves so emotionally, and end up making mistakes.

9

**
Hi Bathsheba,**

It's bad enough when unrelated in-laws have an attitude........BUT.......it's even worse when related in-laws treat you like crap because we tend to expect better from family members.

Anyhow, have you talked to your mom about this? Does she have any idea about why your khala is behaving this way? Have things turned sour between your mom and khala just recently.....or were things tense even prior to the rishta?

Sometimes we can't wait for the other person to do the "stepping up". We can't make people realize their manners let alone responsibilities. And so....there are times.....we have to put our pride to the side.......and be the BIGGER PERSON......and extend our hand forward FIRST. So, talk to your mom and encourage her to try establishing a positive relationship with khala. Of course....this may not be accomplished the very first time. It may take some time and effort. This can be done by talking on the phone and taking an interest in Khala's life (maybe the woman just wants someone to pay attention to her)...........or inviting her over............or visiting her.........giving of gifts, etc. If it doesn't work and Khala STILL has a crummy attitude.......at least your family tried their best, so just continue being polite and patient. We don't have the power to change people.....we can only do what we can.

Now........as to whether or not you should marry your cousin? Well, we can't make that decision for you. But here are some things to reflect over in helping you make that decision:

**1) **If you reject your cousin because of his mom's attitude...............then keep in mind that there's no guarantee you'll have other nice in-laws in the future. You might choose to marry another guy............whose mom seems nice during the rishta process...........and turns out evil after the wedding. There's no guarantee what kind of in-laws you get no matter which guy you marry.

2) Is it **ONLY **his mom that has a negative attitude? How about the rest of his family members? If his dad and siblings respect you and your family........then that's a good thing. At least you have more than one member of his family that compensates for his mom's attitude.

3) **You said that your cousin/fiance also has problems with this mom. Well......the **advantage of this is that at least HE KNOWS **about his mom's nature. And this can allow him to become **more supportive of you in the future.........because unlike many other husbands.......he won't be in denial about his mom's negative attitude/behavior. BUT, it would be BETTER if you also encourage him to develop a more positive rel. with his mother.

4) You said that you won't be living with your in-laws. This is GOOD. Even when one is living with the nicest in-laws..........issues can arise because of petty little things, or a lack or privacy, or the over-stepping of boundaries. Since you will be living away from your Khala, you have more privacy and can focus better on bonding with your husband. Keep in mind that if you decide to marry someone else..........there are no guarantee that you will be living away from in-laws.

5) At the end of the day, what matters most is the relationship with your husband. So, do you like/love your cousin? Do you actually want to marry him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Do you believe that regardless of his mom's attitude........that he has the positive qualities you want in a future husband? If so.........then you have to decide if one woman is enough to break up a relationship that you value. If you don't even like your cousin let alone his family........then talk to your parents and consider another rishta.

Think about ALL factors instead of only just your Khala......before deciding whether you should marry your cousin or end the rishta all together. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best :)

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Thanks every one...specially redvelvet.....

my mom is also fed up abt her sister...she already know everything...but then just like redvelvert said that Husband should matter the most...thats what my mom says and we are not even gonna live in the same country with her...so i guess i should also just ignore her...Her problem is that she dont want her sons to get married....and red velvet is so right that i dont have any guarantee that if i choose some one else they in laws will not behave liek that....well i will just leave it on my parents..

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What is the gaurantee that she will never come to live with you ever. It is life - things change fast. Think about it all again.

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

^ exactly.
toxic MIL = toxic son.

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Why doesn't the son have good relations with his own Mom? Thats a bit worrying!

Poetic guftugu- Let's try it out
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coz she likes her certain kids more than others.....no she will not come to live with us and if she do i wont have any problem with it...she is not mean or anything she is just ignoring us...

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

in all this first point, why your mom so hesitant to discuss this openly with her sister? they are sisters end of the day. i guess if both discuss this without big fight will be good, it may bring issue you are not aware of, they also be thinking in the same way too.

and if they are not happy about it in anyway, then just drop it or give it time.

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

hota hai hota hai
teek ho jay ga

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Re: expected mother in law is ignoring

You know what you could do? You could try marrying outside the family and hope for a safer gene pool :D

18

Ahahahahaha!!!!

I so could not marry MY 1st cousin! I grew up with all of them and they are like my very own brothers!! :)

Last person to post in this thread wins!