For all the married and to be married ladies…
What were/are your expections of married life during the engagement period or after being committed?
Re: Expectations…
My expectations weren’t very high before getting married, they were certainly different though to my hubby’s. But as time goes on, expectations change, priorities change.. and with that you have to change as well. And, once you have a child, there are a whole lot of other expectations that come along.. as long as you both communicate with one another its all good :k:
At the end of the day, both people want to be loved, reassured of the love and want to belong…
Re: Expectations...
I love my married life, i wouldn't change a thing that being said it's nothing like i thought it would be. I think it's important for girls to realise that married life is not a fairytale. I had known my husband for a very long time before we got married, but it still took us a while to figure each other out. It took a lot of compromise, communication and respect but it was important for me to get the movie version of marriage out of my mind, and i think we've ended up better for it.
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^ totally agree :)
i never had a fairtytale mind to begin with but even then it took time to adjust. And I think we've finally done it (Inshallah).
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^ Neither did I but i still find challenges.. i guess itll take time.
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^ it takes a bit of time and patience Sara... but as long as u love one another and make that clear, things get sorted
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I feel exactly what everyone has said so far...
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I had some expectations based on how my family was and after we got married, it got me a while to adjust according to his family's lifestyle. But with him, it wasnt that bad Alhamdulillah. From my experience, communication is the key. You really need to know what he is thinking and he should know whats going through your mind. There is no other way to know if something bothers you or him, certainly dont wait for him to guess.
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I've noticed, the more u think that life is going to be a fairytale, the worst it gets. That's obviously not the case with everyone, some people do get their fairy tale endings.
I personally didn't have many expectations myself and I was engaged for 3 something years. I always thought I would take things as they would come my way, and its has helped me quite a lot. I don't get bothered even if something doesn't go my way and I felt I didn't have to make many compromises Alhumdolillah!
My cousin on the other hand, who got married a few days after had a different approach about married life. She had a fantasy world of her own. I am not saying there is anything wrong with it but i always told her to be more realistic about this. Now, that shez been married three months, she having a very hard time dealing with her susral in general. Her husband is nice but he is not the kind of person who would take a stand for her and that's what she always thought that she could get things to work her way through her husband. I feel awful about that cuz she is just a really nice girl and its sad that inlaws play a big part sometimes to kill all the expectations. Especially in pakistan, things are exactly the same with the inlaws as they were ...i dunno...50 yrz ago...makes me sad :( ...
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i have to admit i thought married life was going to be like a fairy tale but was i wronggggggggggggg but it was hard it took me a couple of months to adjust....i earned the respect and trust from everyone..and now everything is the way i like it to be...it takes a while and alot of patiences....
Re: Expectations...
I'm not married, so cant tell.
But generally, to be honest I have noticed that a lot of desi girls have a totally wrong idea abt marriage and the life afterwards. I dont know whether they are too much influenced by the bollywood movies or its because they have never really seen reality with their own eyes. I have noticed that some girls have big dreamz, like now we are married so me and my husband is gonna travel like every other month?.. Okay I'm not saying you shouldnt travel with ur husband. But be realistic. Live in the time and make your dreamz. Dont make dreamz based on fairytales and bollymovies, because that is not the real world. It will just break ur heart and ur dreamz and shatter ur relationship with husband as well.
Be realistic with urself and ur husband. Its the key forward I think
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I dunno how some girls get these fairytale ideas of marriage. I don't think i had any idealistic views as such. and yet for some reason i still wanted to get married... i wasn't scared ****less abt it like i know alot of girls tend to be, at least at my age... so i think i went into this with the right mindset. i just wonder if i got married with the fairytale mindset, that there would never be problems, that we'll always be perfectly happy every second of the day etc...basically expecting marriage to make me "happy"....I don't think i'd have a good time. \
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I keep hearing marriage life is not a fairytale and don't have such high expectations and I don't understand it at all.
I am married and it is a fairytale, thank God.
I think if you find someone who has the fundamentals, the rest of the stuff, the lil conflicts, the minor annoyances, the drama of the in-laws or whatever, that stuff is just minor compared to the two of you. . .
at the end of the day, it is a fairytale, you get to spend your life with someone who means the world to you. . .it's a miracle. . . and if God has blessed you with it, . . . that's amazing....
thank God for that and everything.
Re: Expectations...
You are absolutely right PureSunlight. I guess marriage is what you make it to be, but having unrealistic expactations is what makes marriages sour. The fairytale part gets carried away whe people think marriage is only romance without the responsibility.
I got into marriage with expectations that it would always be my top priority. There have been situations in my life where I have been distracted by other responsibilities and I could see how going out of balance was affecting the strength of my marriage. Luckily I was quick enough to realize that I need to re-focus and get back on track.
Also, it's sad how many people today are ungrateful for what they have. They focus on weaknesses of their spouse rather than the strengths. Like, oh, my husband took me to California but I really wanted to go to Hawaii. We have to learn how to be content. People like the other spouse to fulfil yet we underdeliver.
I guess we are a restless race. Our priorities seem to be getting lost in the quest for searching me, I and myself too much.
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Also, it's sad how many people today are ungrateful for what they have. They focus on weaknesses of their spouse rather than the strengths. Like, oh, my husband took me to California but I really wanted to go to Hawaii. We have to learn how to be content. People like the other spouse to fulfil yet we underdeliver.
I guess we are a restless race. Our priorities seem to be getting lost in the quest for searching me, I and myself too much.
You are so right. I have noticed this habit among my friends and family too. Its like they never get satisfied. In such cases I really feel sorry for the bechare hubbys hehe
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Correct me if I am wrong but do I decect a pinch of resentment here from some folks? Seems like some people here got married with some idea of what a marriage should be like perhaps not fairytale idea but still a fantastic idea. What you got in return was a trip to california rather then hawaii, so to speak. No one has yet to explain whats to good about marraige except legal sex. Not my parents, not the imam, and certainly not friends. I dunno folks but sooner or later I'll have to take the plunge if only for the sake of physical closeness.
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I never understood what the responsibilities of marriage are?
anyone care to enlighten? ? ?
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Correct me if I am wrong but do I decect a pinch of resentment here from some folks? Seems like some people here got married with some idea of what a marriage should be like perhaps not fairytale idea but still a fantastic idea. What you got in return was a trip to california rather then hawaii, so to speak. No one has yet to explain whats to good about marraige except legal sex. Not my parents, not the imam, and certainly not friends. I dunno folks but sooner or later I'll have to take the plunge if only for the sake of physical closeness.
Others can pitch in with their own experiences, but from my marriage i have gained a wonderful relationship, a friendship, a closeness that i never had with anyone nor i will. My husband is my best, closest, friend and confidant. No matter how silly my thinking is or what i am going through, he is there to listen to me and make it better for me. I dont worry about what his reaction would be to a certain act of mine or whether he will judge me for wahever reasons : when i am with him, i am totally me. I am not me trying to be some other person. This feeling of being "at peace" with everything in my life, i attribute to our marriage, Alhamdulillah. No matter how many friends you have, there comes a point in life where youw ant someone who wants and likes you for who YOU are, no questions asked. You want someone to be there when you go home after work/school all tired and frustrated but one smile from a significant other can make everything right.
This is what my marriage has given me so far. I hope others have had better if not similiar experiences.