Re: Excusable Reasons for Polygamy
*One family friends of ours was married to a woman who he had never met. He is PhD who studied & lived in England for quiet some time, teaches at a top Paki university and has a very socially liberal lifestyle. She is matric-pass and the first time she ever lived in the city was when she married him. On top of that after a few years they found out that she cannot have children. Well, he could have easily divorced her and married someone else, a practice more socially acceptable in serially monogamous cultures, but that would mean she has to go back to village where no one will marry her and will be on her fathers income and afterwards will have to rely on her brothers & sisters and die a very lonely life. Instead he went into a polygamous arrangement where he married someone a little more inclined to his concept of life and had children. The two wives live in a duplex and the children call the first wife 'bari ammi' and respect her like an elder. She takes interest in their lives as well. *
These people are your friends, so this might hit hard. Please dont take it personally.
If he knew that there would be compatibility problems, he should have been responsible on the onset and not have married her in the first place. In fact, he should have been a gentlemen if he was that concerned about her marital status, and helped her find a suitable husband. If the family wanted him and only him, then he really should have rationally told them that there is no way that he'd be comfortable marrying someone who is so different.
I've seen plenty of such guys who, to avoid the situation, get married abroad and then come home with a wife. Oops, then he's taken. The family can't bully him around so much anymore.
The other example is that of the person who used to take care of the garden in front of our apartments. He went home to attend the funeral of his elder brother who had died in an accident and then extended his leave for another few months. We later found out that he married his widowed sister-in-law who was at least 10-15 years older than him. Trust me, he didn't do it for money or sex.
Again, he could have helped her out financially. He could have let her move into his home with them and accepted her as a sister - given her some separate quarters. He could have helped her find a job to become self-sufficient. Why marriage? Even in such extreme cases, marriage seems to be an unnecessary step.
Man, in that case, when I hit 30 and I dont have any prospects in marriages, maybe I should go knock on the doors of my beautiful 2 male cousins - probably already married by then - and ask them "mere se please shaadi karlo - otherwise I'll die in poverty".
Right...