CM ppl are different. I got my Butt kicked a million times and I am happy as a clown. see ---->
But my Friends who I thought were no different then my self …cried…and cried and cried…
Till time heal the wounds to some extent…but willingness of ex to be back with them worked like a magic.
Off course every one was mature not walk same path again. But Its was a strange thing for me to observe.
IF I get such a wife. I would have stories to tell her… and I will work trough her healing process.
CM, I disagree and also think you may not understand this emotion until you actually pass through it.
You dont have any love or feelings...just negativity and regret for not being the person you know you are. No one likes to be disrespected and when it happens from someone you love, its worse. What makes it even worse is you not doing anything about it because you're in love at that time.
Later on, when you have moved on and have snapped out of love...you realize how stupid you were. You wish you could say all those things you have coming to mind now.
Closure does sometimes require a face to face meeting or confrontation to let out your pent up emotions. Again, its not about him...its about her. He is a very small concept now, its more about her feeling better by getting things off her chest.
Sweetheart I do find you interesting. You start off with a baseless assumption to make your point. Illogical to start off with, and proceed to move from there.
Closure requires a face to face meeting a few weeks later. A couple of months later. But 9 years? That is a long time to be holding on to feelings for another man.
Lastly really don't care if its about her, him or her twice removed crazy uncle. I find her desire to meet this man after nine years to get closure is circumspect. 9 years is way too long a time to be harboring such emotions or feelings.
Mind you this all started when she saw him. She from her post indicates no desire for closure till the moment she saw him. That again is odd.
I'm guessing u was hurt by this guy alot at the time he left u? and he didn't keep in contact?
mayb u feel like letting him know how much he hurt u. In what state he left u, For him to feel ur pain. and then for him to tell u, he still loved u and always thought of u while he was married to his wife?
what ever u wish to speak to him about. It wont achieve anything now. Only thing it will probably do, is bring back old sparks.........ur married and his married.......if his happy or not, is none of ur business. Only thing important is ur happy in ur marriage so dont do anything stupid tht u will later regret.....
Sweetheart I do find you interesting. You start off with a baseless assumption to make your point. Illogical to start off with, and proceed to move from there.
Closure requires a face to face meeting a few weeks later. A couple of months later. But 9 years? That is a long time to be holding on to feelings for another man.
Lastly really don't care if its about her, him or her twice removed crazy uncle. I find her desire to meet this man after nine years to get closure is circumspect. 9 years is way too long a time to be harboring such emotions or feelings.
Mind you this all started when she saw him. She from her post indicates no desire for closure till the moment she saw him. That again is odd.
CM, I actually find you annoying and irritating. But you know that, dont ya? :)
My baseless assumption is based on your weird assumptions that she has feelings for him. Yes, she saw him after 9 yrs and some anger came back, so what? Does that mean she isnt happy with her current husband? Absolutely not.
Who are you to judge when someone should or shouldnt get closure? Every person is different and so is their way of getting over things. Some people are more resilient, some arent...it also depends on how much of you was invested into the relationship. The deeper the relationship, the deeper the wound. This is common sense though.
You cannot tell someone they are not allowed to vent after 9 years just because its written in some crazy CM's Psychology for Dummies manual.
naheen CM its not sick. Its natural. Important thing is she is faithful to hubby. She values her presence in her life.
Once some one leaves/rejects you, you have that emotional scar for a long long time.
Its worst then leaving some one at the peak of love.
I have seen my friends crying over Ex-wives for years. Once Ex-wives try to patch up, my friends didn't want them and got over that feeling.
PlayStation:ThreadStarter I used word reject, for give me for that. Some one could be the best person on the planet still can have separation imposed on them by her/his partner.
Partner could be low-level. Its only time and your conduct over the years proves who was right and who was the wrong.
CM.........................you're oversimplifying. Why does the desire to find closure have to be confined to exes? Why do you assume that there's a "daal main kaala" about wanting closure?
I used to a have a couple of female friends........whom I'd like to give a piece of my mind to and it's been years.
Do I miss the friendship? Nope. I prefer the distance. However....because....I wasn't able to express how I felt about their crummy behavior..........sometimes I contemplate giving them a piece of my mind in the near future.
Usually the desire for closure results from 2 things. First, you weren't able to express your frustration. And secondly, the other person doesn't seem to realize or hasn't acknowledged that they've made a mistake. Had the offender shown some acknowledgement that he/she was wrong................there would really be no need for closure. But when the offender acts clueless......it's irritating. Such behavior eventually destroys relationships because you're trampling over the right of others. Imagine if a friend/relative frequently crosses the line with you and doesn't even have the humility or decency to apologize.
I have a friend who was upset by the way a dear professor treated her. Although the professor maintained a cordial attitude toward my friend..........my friend decided to get some closure by expressing her feelings.
These examples involve platonic relationships of the same gender. If one can have the desire for closure in the above scenarios.........why is it so hard to fathom that one would want to give an ex a piece of their mind? Romantic feelings don't necessarily have to be involved.
There is a reason why it is said that if you have wronged a person......you seek forgiveness from the victim in order for Allah to forgive you. There is also a reason why the Prophet SAWS advised people to avoid wronging others..........because the dua of a wronged person against the offender is never rejected by Allah. These rules/admonishments are in place because it IS A BIG DEAL to wrong someone and it's not so easy for people to forgive and forget....irrespective of the relationship. It is also said that on the Day of Judgment Allah will bargain and ask a person what it will take for him to forgive his offender. This just goes to show, once again, that people don't get over hurts easily and that we should be careful how we treat others.
That reminds me of an old female friend of mine who I abruptly broke off with over 10 years ago..... wish I could give her a piece of my mind. Last time I saw her accidentally, it was a shock.... and I just didn't know how to act so i turned and walked the other way, then thought to myself.... I should have met her and given her a piece of my mind.
Oh well, I hate confrontations so I doubt I would have been able to do that.
I think the main point CM is making is that it has been 9 years. 9 years is an extremely long time, especially when she's gotten re-married, moved, and has a new life now. We have all been wronged, treated badly, at some point in our lives by various people, but in time, we tend to deal with it and move on. This is an ex-husband, not an old acquaintance.
Chameli, if you did go ahead and tell him how you feel, I highly doubt it will make an ounce of difference to him. He's not goign to miraculously feel sorry adn you will end up feeling stupid for even bothering after all this time.
I wouldn't give too much importance to these feelings, unless it is so overwhelming that you really do feel that need to contact this man. Then I would be seriously concerned.
I suggest you just let it go. Focus on the positive things in your life.
Thanks guys. It felt good to let out my frustrations here and get some really good advice from you guys!
Thats y I just love GS:D
well, for those who think I was married to him , I wasnt! His mother had issues with our background from Pakistan and our social status. She thought highly of herself that she was working in a field thats respectable in Pakistani culture - despite the fact that she had a fake Bachelors degree from Pakistan to get that job! (He told me once he was angry at her!)
So basically I and my family wanst good enough for them. He also started to criticize my background and wanted my dad to find a new job before initiating talks to his parents so it could be easy for him to convince them. He ruined my self confidence during that period. and once I had convinced my parents about it, he just broke up via a text message telling me that its over cuz his mother had told him something that was totally a lie.
I cried so much over that text message. my family found about what had happened....and a few months later I was forced married to an illiterate cousin in Pakistan cuz my mother feared I would find someone else again outside of the caste....I fought and fought but had no capacity after what I had experienced with my ex, his family and my own family..so I gave up and was miserable in a forced nikkah for years....till it eventually was annulled....
It was when I met my husband that I found out the real meaning of love, care and trust. He is a real gem and I feel so special to have him.
After all those years of misery I am finally having a really good life Alhamdulillah.
So when I saw him I was reminded of all the misery related to that period of my life. all those tears, shattered trust, lack of self confidence etc....and there he was standing all happy and laughing...
but as someone said..who knows how bad his real life is....
regarding his wife, she was staring at me ..checking if I would loook at her husband or not...but I didnt look at him and just passed by...she seemed insecure..as what would happen if me and him got eye contact...
As for his wife, she seems insecure for a reason.. who knows. Maybe she thinks you're better than her, after all, her husband did choose you first. And even after kids if she's giving you such looks, imagine what she must be like.
If you say ANYTHING to him at this point, he's going to think you still have feelings for him or a place for him in your heart/life. Some men are like that, they get all flattered when they hear these things. Why do you even want to give him the satisfaction that you're still hurt or thinking about him? Just let it be.
I saw my 'ex' with his wife and kids when passing by with my husband. Its been ages since he left me to marry the girl of his mother's choice and I havent thought much about him even though I havent forgotten him totally either.
When I saw him so happy with his family something happened to me. I didnt know how to react. I just passed by with my husband and didnt look at them while his wife was standing there giving me the look (she knows about me cuz his mother had told her mother before settling their rishta) so I really dont get it why she gives me that look whenever she sees me. She knew about me when she said yes and I havent had any contact with him since he left so she doesnt have anything to fear from my side at least.
Ever since I saw him I have felt this disturbance inside me. I dont know what it is. I dont love him anymore.In fact I hate the way he treated me when our parents were involved in our rishta talk. and I hate the way he just left me cuz his mother lied to him about fake threats.
but then why do I feel this disturbance? and I want to see him again and talk to him to let him know how bad he treated me.
But then I think that for what sake?
I love my husband. we have a perfect life together. we love each other and enjoy our life together.
why do I still have the need to meet x and tell him off and let go of my frustrations....its been 9 years....
he was my first love...i never thought i would meet someone else after him....i was pure in my intentions and actions but I guess he wasnt...
now i have a husband with a pure heart....someone i feel i have deserved.
how stupid to let this ruin my mood....
just letting off my frustration here on GS.....
Thats the problem with the woman, they don't have big hearts. What is your ex's wife trying to show?
oh this post has shown me a part of my future literally.. i too have been rejected by the mother of the guy i loved, she insulted my mother and accused us of being bad charactered.. these mothers are so manipulative i swear.. i hate them all..
anyways.. we still have strong feelings for each other.. but i'll be married to soon to somebody else.. and 10 years from now i do see myself coming face to face with him, and i know i would feeel what chameli420 has felt.
oh this post has shown me a part of my future literally.. i too have been rejected by the mother of the guy i loved, she insulted my mother and accused us of being bad charactered.. these mothers are so manipulative i swear.. i hate them all..
anyways.. we still have strong feelings for each other.. but i'll be married to soon to somebody else.. and 10 years from now i do see myself coming face to face with him, and i know i would feeel what chameli420 has felt.
poor u...I know how it feels....
but as u read my earlier post. Happiness and love come from trust and respect..u r far better off with a man who shows u that than marrying some looser with an even more looser mother!
