Re: evol - written backwards
thanks Psyah,
devotion to Allah is absolutely undoubtedly immaculate and ought to be so.
here, the idea about undefined -ness of love was shared with the parameter of human interaction between a couple consisting of a female and a male companion, as two adults who ideally should be both responsible in creating and making a relationship reliable.
your are right in your reminder of stipulating a noble pact of marital contract, as a sacred seal - but it is only trust that can make it unquestionably confident of its survival. no?
of course the loveless cannot ever appreciate the offered trust as it won't make such an individual feel any remorse whatsoever ruining that trust.
when the pursuer becomes the distancer it is quite clear that the motives and the intentions are not worth the effort.
we cant confuse the love and trust for Allah swt with the one for people nor should anyone find it t be a ready made available escape route to blame it on Allah swt . as much as Allah swt's blessed planning is evident regardless, intent of the human being must be pure or it is nothing but saddening waste and disappointing deception.
Dushwari
Peace Sister
Marriages can survive without trust as can marriages fail with it. I don't think that we can be sure what the future will bring.
I like your statement above, but it cannot be a truism
"it is only trust that can make it unquestionably confident of its survival"
To be unquestionably confident is to be sure, trust doesn't make the marriage survive per se, rather it is the fact that trust is there that makes rational people commit to marriage. Trusts can be broken or someone can be betrayed. The trust for taking the step for marriage should be a trust in Allah (SWT), in that upon supplication He Will protect both persons from the fitnah of discord and prolong the marriage. At the same time we should supplicate to Allah (SWT) to protect us from harm or serious ill effect should something go wrong, i.e. to make us strong in the predestined tests.
It is a wisdom in Islam that this unsurety in relationships spawns the need for divorce which has been made acceptable. Though as a last resort and most unliked of the permissible things. Islam teaches us that nothing is set in stone, except that what Allah (SWT) Knows.
We should never gouge out our souls from within our bossoms and lay them in the palms of others. We can't even define love yet we do such things in it's name then when things go wrong love escapes us. Always be onguard with anyone except Allah (SWT).
The blaming of Allah (SWT) has never been the question here. Yes the intentions need to be pure but people need to work on relationships; both of them do. The best thing to do is ask the right questions to potential suiters ... to see what their current mindset is like.
I can shed a bit of light on this too inshaAllah ... but not in this thread. However, who is to say that their philosophy of today is going to stay the same tomorrow? Who is to say that there was once a spark that was true, but the spark is no more due to unforseable circumstances? What can trust do for us then?
We need trust to go in to relationships and we need trust to be in them we need to trust the people and trust our Creator in every halal act we do. We need to supplicate and hope the best for our future but we can never ... never ... assume that we can find a recipe that will ensure 100% "and they lived happily ever after" tinctures, because we should realise that this line only exists in the fairytales ... as far as this life is concerned.
It may well be that marriages will last but that is not to say that there is any given methodology to ensure it. Things that may help ...
Strive for compromise in oneself but at the same time do not expect it in others.
Avoid satanic activities
Practice Patience
Dwell on the things that please you about one another
Trust that Allah (SWT) Wills the Best so one must not regret
Protect ones soul from being harmed, how can we trust others with it when we can't even trust ourselves with it?
Despite the above point learn to trust one another without giving it away completely.
It is more important to base marriage on aspects other than love. Such as attractiveness and knowledge of Islam and etiquettes, education, etc rather than this 'love' thing, because firstly to get into a state of 'love' before marriage could actually be unIslamic in the first place, but at the same time 'love' is such a hard thing to grasp yet we use it like a yardstick for decision-making?!
Love (with companion) is good but it is nothing without the other more tangible things in relationships. Trust is a major component of love, at least it's more rational side, but trust is worked on and develops just like love, so it is better to think ... can I work on this? Will I ever get tired of working on this? If the answer is in favour of marriage then go for it. However, if the other person doesn't think the same way it cause an end and one must be prepared to end things also.
In the case of pre-marital relationships that have ended due to factors that demonstrate qualities indicating deceipt and betrayal, and lack of consequence analysis, then only a fool would re-enter that relationship. The first thing to look for in a person is their trustworthiness, and ability to love, this is why Islam is important here, because a religious person has given up 'out of love' a devotion to Allah (SWT), that can be emulated for others. However, if we see a person who keeps getting newest model cars, is this the type of person we want? Moral frameworks bind people to a code of conduct, but people without morals ???