evol - written backwards

[Dushwari]

written correctly, this word → Love… has not ever been definable, in case of women and men, and it is quite likely that no where else but in this feeling, God has left all the possibilities of growing apart and coming together – sometimes due to personal factors and at other times, due to situational pressures

there is no end to this human feeling when it is valid and uncontaminated by selfishness or helplessness and even after having sustained worse emotional injury, if is it rekindled, it can grow back…stronger than before.

what might help sustain it is mutual trust in each other and then nothing in the world can break the bond between a man and a woman.

to explore the decision about when to hang on to love and when to let it go, take a look at these sketches of what different kinds of presence of love reflects following things:

ethical rules for expression of love as nature of human companionship and consequent companionate intimacy,
the philosophical premise function social for creating favorable atmosphere for enjoyable companionship that is not easily disbanded, and
religious teachings which guide the finality of such love into a life long noble commitment all are great – are all pointers that establish the value of each kind of love

Signs of love (the non practical, at times unethical frisky kind)
attraction towards each other
heavy on physical contact
may good chemistry
the social click mey be there too
but may or may not be long term

Signs on no love
detachment
coldness
dies out very soon

Signs of true love
Liking develops understanding
more time logically should get spent together (should and could leads to a blessed long term marriage)
trust in each other
respect for each other
integrity of character
honesty towards each other
confidence in each other being
unconditional support for each other
being able to admit one’s won fault
being able to forgive
together, engage in healing each other
call out in need of distress and not feel shy doing so
respond even when hurt and do so kindly
admit to one’s own mistakes care for each other
be there in the least expected thoughtful ways even as much as simply to softly call out on each other to make sure that who is loved is doing fine
pray for each other’s well being
true love has no measure in time…

note: add your own precious thoughts here to this particular kind of love

Signs of untrue love
contains uncaring attitude
has no or little coded self disclosure for later cop out
is characterized by as capable to give, but without the attached warmth of love
has a tendency to deception

Signs of selfish love:
user mind
causes suffering or pain
is characterized by only take, take and take

if possible, share your thoughts on this: why would it hurt you the most when what you took to be True love, suddenly turns out not to be true?

Dushwari

[case_study]

Re: evol - written backwards

hey sis,
nice break down of diff kinds of loves. but every person is not so meticulous when they make a relationship in a dating or a wedding scenario.
absolutely there is no definition of love. but each and every individual can create the definition based on the clarity of their relationship with the person they cherished, abondoned, and /or are thinking of re-approaching. it is all contingent on personal honesty and brevity. you are a psychology professor?? UK has good high paying jobs for you here :)

cheers!

[psyah]

Re: evol - written backwards

Peace Sister Dushwari

Through introspection I cannot possibly answer the question regarding the idea of 'true love's sudden appearance as untrue'. However, gauging from other's conversations and a bit of understanding I think the following may be an answer of sorts:

Love is an emotion or array of emotions that coagulate to form a homogenous whole that we call love. I believe love comes from the faculty within us that also governs the ability to worship. Verily, in religion the highest forms of love should be reserved for Allah (SWT) and then His Messenger (SAW).

Love involves this metaphorical arm to be extended to an entity outside our metapersonal-being - for a connection.

Let's look at very young children ... They will strive for ATTENTION. Sometimes it will not matter to them whether that attention is of negative nature or positive as long as they get it. It becomes a nuturing process for them to realise that positive attention is better.

Another level of love is ATTRACTION. This people say is a physical thing. But it is more accurately described as the precursor to the physical thing. ATTRACTION is the hope of making this meta-connection more objective. That is why I think people like to hold hands, it personnifies if not a better word that meta-connection.

When physical binding takes place. There is a sensory aspect to these array of emotions. People want to hear, smell, touch, see and even taste their targets.
They can end up doing these things. This is where a selfish nature begins to set in. As you see love for a partner in this way is quite different from the purity of the love with ones Creator. It is because the Creator is Unseen and this debasing requirement is not there.

The combination of these things pile up with the human targets and one gets to sexual relations. This is where love becomes at it's most selfish that PLEASURE is sought for a EUPHORIC release. These things fuel the nufs. However, their benefit is that during those moments there is optimal ATTENTION in each other. The low act satisfies the higher requirement.

Then there is the maturing of love. After a relationship has been formed and regular CONTACT is underway. A learning process crystalises the habits with each person as to what it is that is to be built on this. It becomes a need to seek out the PLEASURE in the other person. To make them happy by putting them in ease and comfort. One begins to become complacent in their attention as it is regular and low and behold the meta-connection forms into a limb of TRUST. This can happen both ways, i.e. mutal trust, but quite often one person becomes complacent.

When trust has been given and betrayal done thereafter ... that is what brings the human crashing down. That is why it is important to undertake the legal procedings as prescribed by Allah (SWT) to bind people. Also, the TRUST in Allah (SWT) must be there before trusting anyone else. True love cannot be obtained or given without making it clear that Allah (SWT) is involved in that relationship. Otherwise The Evil One will make it his business to be intertwined in that relationship. Allahu'Alim!

Now TRUST is a form of detachment. It is at loggerheads with initial forms of ATTRACTION and ATTENTION. Some people may perceive this too much and feel that the love is not there anymore. Then they may go somewhere else to find that attention.

Habit is important but people will fall into habit at different rates. It is important therefore that before marriage nothing binding is given away. Never totally give oneself so that later if there is a need to refocus someones attention it can be done. Never bestow 100% trust in anyone other than Allah (SWT). Protect oneself from harm first before searching to satisfy ones pleasures.

That is it ... Trust is complacency but it is also the dropping of ones defences. It is given when true love is perceived, so it is obvious when it fails it hurts the most as there are no defences to protect the self.

It is not to say that the one who betrays ones love is not in love with whom was betrayed. (It is quite possible to be attracted to someone else at the same time). It is due to the fragility of such things that Shaitan the hidden enemy causes discord amongst humans, which is why we must bind contracts that eliminate this enemy from our midst.

Some people define the love of others to themselves as ATTENTION from their targets. Others say they will do what I say, others still will say let me do anything for them and so on.

I disagree that any of these can be called true or untrue love, but I feel different settings can ensure whether these are healthy or unhealthy for protecting the interests of the people involved in those relationships.

**

[psyah]

Re: evol - written backwards

To add ...

DEVOTION is the highest form of love. It should be made ones business to become involved in those persons who offer regular prayer as those persons have ensured that they are seeking the protection from fitnah and avoid sin.

[Dushwari]

Re: evol - written backwards

thanks Psyah,

devotion to Allah is absolutely undoubtedly immaculate and ought to be so.

here, the idea about undefined -ness of love was shared with the parameter of human interaction between a couple consisting of a female and a male companion, as two adults who ideally should be both responsible in creating and making a relationship reliable.

your are right in your reminder of stipulating a noble pact of marital contract, as a sacred seal - but it is only trust that can make it unquestionably confident of its survival. no?

of course the loveless cannot ever appreciate the offered trust as it won't make such an individual feel any remorse whatsoever ruining that trust.

when the pursuer becomes the distancer it is quite clear that the motives and the intentions are not worth the effort.

we cant confuse the love and trust for Allah swt with the one for people nor should anyone find it t be a ready made available escape route to blame it on Allah swt . as much as Allah swt's blessed planning is evident regardless, intent of the human being must be pure or it is nothing but saddening waste and disappointing deception.

Dushwari

[psyah]

Re: evol - written backwards

thanks Psyah,

devotion to Allah is absolutely undoubtedly immaculate and ought to be so.

here, the idea about undefined -ness of love was shared with the parameter of human interaction between a couple consisting of a female and a male companion, as two adults who ideally should be both responsible in creating and making a relationship reliable.

your are right in your reminder of stipulating a noble pact of marital contract, as a sacred seal - but it is only trust that can make it unquestionably confident of its survival. no?

of course the loveless cannot ever appreciate the offered trust as it won't make such an individual feel any remorse whatsoever ruining that trust.

when the pursuer becomes the distancer it is quite clear that the motives and the intentions are not worth the effort.

we cant confuse the love and trust for Allah swt with the one for people nor should anyone find it t be a ready made available escape route to blame it on Allah swt . as much as Allah swt's blessed planning is evident regardless, intent of the human being must be pure or it is nothing but saddening waste and disappointing deception.

Dushwari

Peace Sister

Marriages can survive without trust as can marriages fail with it. I don't think that we can be sure what the future will bring.

I like your statement above, but it cannot be a truism

"it is only trust that can make it unquestionably confident of its survival"

To be unquestionably confident is to be sure, trust doesn't make the marriage survive per se, rather it is the fact that trust is there that makes rational people commit to marriage. Trusts can be broken or someone can be betrayed. The trust for taking the step for marriage should be a trust in Allah (SWT), in that upon supplication He Will protect both persons from the fitnah of discord and prolong the marriage. At the same time we should supplicate to Allah (SWT) to protect us from harm or serious ill effect should something go wrong, i.e. to make us strong in the predestined tests.

It is a wisdom in Islam that this unsurety in relationships spawns the need for divorce which has been made acceptable. Though as a last resort and most unliked of the permissible things. Islam teaches us that nothing is set in stone, except that what Allah (SWT) Knows.

We should never gouge out our souls from within our bossoms and lay them in the palms of others. We can't even define love yet we do such things in it's name then when things go wrong love escapes us. Always be onguard with anyone except Allah (SWT).

The blaming of Allah (SWT) has never been the question here. Yes the intentions need to be pure but people need to work on relationships; both of them do. The best thing to do is ask the right questions to potential suiters ... to see what their current mindset is like.

I can shed a bit of light on this too inshaAllah ... but not in this thread. However, who is to say that their philosophy of today is going to stay the same tomorrow? Who is to say that there was once a spark that was true, but the spark is no more due to unforseable circumstances? What can trust do for us then?

We need trust to go in to relationships and we need trust to be in them we need to trust the people and trust our Creator in every halal act we do. We need to supplicate and hope the best for our future but we can never ... never ... assume that we can find a recipe that will ensure 100% "and they lived happily ever after" tinctures, because we should realise that this line only exists in the fairytales ... as far as this life is concerned.

It may well be that marriages will last but that is not to say that there is any given methodology to ensure it. Things that may help ...

Strive for compromise in oneself but at the same time do not expect it in others.
Avoid satanic activities
Practice Patience
Dwell on the things that please you about one another
Trust that Allah (SWT) Wills the Best so one must not regret
Protect ones soul from being harmed, how can we trust others with it when we can't even trust ourselves with it?
Despite the above point learn to trust one another without giving it away completely.

It is more important to base marriage on aspects other than love. Such as attractiveness and knowledge of Islam and etiquettes, education, etc rather than this 'love' thing, because firstly to get into a state of 'love' before marriage could actually be unIslamic in the first place, but at the same time 'love' is such a hard thing to grasp yet we use it like a yardstick for decision-making?!

Love (with companion) is good but it is nothing without the other more tangible things in relationships. Trust is a major component of love, at least it's more rational side, but trust is worked on and develops just like love, so it is better to think ... can I work on this? Will I ever get tired of working on this? If the answer is in favour of marriage then go for it. However, if the other person doesn't think the same way it cause an end and one must be prepared to end things also.

In the case of pre-marital relationships that have ended due to factors that demonstrate qualities indicating deceipt and betrayal, and lack of consequence analysis, then only a fool would re-enter that relationship. The first thing to look for in a person is their trustworthiness, and ability to love, this is why Islam is important here, because a religious person has given up 'out of love' a devotion to Allah (SWT), that can be emulated for others. However, if we see a person who keeps getting newest model cars, is this the type of person we want? Moral frameworks bind people to a code of conduct, but people without morals ???

[m249boost]

Re: evol - written backwards

Did you know the old Greeks had SIX different words for love? Makes your brain work a bit differently, and you don’t get confused when talking about (for example) love for a husband/wife, love for a friend, pure lust, platonic love, etc. etc.

[canpaki]

Re: evol - written backwards

how abt pyar

pyar=rayp:eek:

faints

[Dushwari]

Re: evol - written backwards

canpaki,
you probably are right. but it is not possible until honesty and dedication is transparent and timeless between the couple.

Dushwari