In the past few weeks I have been working very hard to meet my upcoming deadline of the project. I think I have done a great job. Even the company’s director sent me a mail telling me how good work I have done.
Meanwhile there has been some persons involved in the project team who hasnt been cooperating and been complaining to the project owner.
I have several times handed over tasks to this new employee. She hasnt been delivering thins on due date and she has not shown any commitment in the work at all.
Now she is complaining to the project owner (who is her direct boss) that I am not using her input for the project. And hey WHAT INPUT???I havent received much from her. Sending 2 jpg.files is not what you call input for the project when its a large scale project on international level.
I am just so pissed, pissed and pissed!!!
Now there is another person. A colleague of this kaam chor girl. She was supposed to be project manager for the next phase of this project I am on. But she was acting like she is project manager already at this phase whcih was disturbing my work and authority towards the project team and organization.
Now all of a sudden, my project owner called me yesterday. She was very pissed that I am focusing on design and not usability. And when I tried to explain her that I am actually focusing on design because of the usability issue. But she had already decided and told me that I am not project manager for this project any more and instead this person who has ben interferring in my work for the past months and who was going to be PM for next phase - now she is taking over my work from today.
On the top of that she told me that I am not using the input of this other person (kaam chor larki) and when I reacted on that she told me that I am taking it very personal.
I was just so pissed yesterday!!!even now I havent cooled down yet. Its just too much!!!
Upar se, my husband to be forgot our FIRST anniversary and was going to her auntie for dinner. can u believe that???He did appologize for forgetting and postponed his plans with the auntie’s family so he could go out with me.
But I was so furious!!!
Didnt get any gift from him and when I told him that I wish he was more romantic, he told me that if he’ll get romantic he fears to cross his limits for intimacy, meaning that he wud like to hug me etc.
Eventhough i do understand that, I still tend to get irritated over that.
And then…my parents visited his parents in this forever lasting rishta process. And when they came home, they were just criticizing his family so much that I got confused and felt uncertain about my choice.
When I started feeling that and became silent due to the confusion and uncertainty, my mother becare furious at me ke hum tumhare liye hi to gey the na. And that she has lost her sister cuz of me etc etc. Her relation with my khala are very effected by the fact that I got to annull my forced nikkah with my maternal and paternal cousin.
After the annullment, my mother told me that I can choose my husband if he is from the same cast and now when I have found a guy who happens to belong to their cast, the rishta process is forever lasting and just taking so long and above that I have to listen to so much stuff.
My parents were noticing such weird stuff. f.x that his dad might be a kanjus man cuz he ate from his grandchild’s food cuz he didnt want to waste it!!!
And then my sister’s husband is not talking to me cuz I was in the forced nikkah with his brother and got it annulled. I care so much for my sister and her husband but he just ignores me.
My grandmother, aunts etc have all disowned me and my friends dont have time to give me a call and hear how I am. They expect me to contact them all the time and get to know how they are feeling.
I dont get along with my future husband’s only sibling - his sister. but I feel that I have to pretend to have a good relationsship to her since she is his only sibling. They have had a hard upbringing with separated parents and now she is also seperated and has a child so I dont feel that I can ignore her. It would hurt him and she needs support as well.
So, all in all..work, rishta process, future husband, future sister in law, parents,..its all just making me crazy!!I feel that I am loosing my mind. I feel something is wrong with me since I am the one who has issues in everything in my life. I cant be satisfied with life unless I get my marzi. but isnt that my right to become happy?
I cant stand politics. Politics at work. in the rishta process. with my future husband’s sister…
I cant stand to feel left alone..by my friends..by my relatives..
I cant say i dont need them..cuz I am just a human being who need some love and care 
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