This will be a kind of rant so that I can release some of these pent up feelings. Your views and suggestions will be welcome! Okay, so where do I even begin? This may become kinda long. ermm, my family is always arguing with each other. My aunties are always at war with my mother and my dadi kinda treats my mum less than her daughters which are my aunties. My youngest auntie is such a gossip. She will tell every single person that she meets negative things about my family, especially my mum. Before this never used to affect me but now that I am older (near marriage age) I discovered that people have such a bad view of our family because of the rumours and **** that my auntie has been spreading. People have even slowly stopped coming to our house. For as long as I can remember I always wanted a close and loving family, instead I get a family that is at war with itself. My mum and dad are caught up in the middle of it all. I am scared that this bad reputation about us (which is not true) will prevent me from getting good rishtas. My parents are always being taken advantage of yet never say anything. My aunties and 2 uncles will get anything they want from my parents but when its time to give back, they will do eff all. It kills me inside seeing my parents being takem advantage of. My auntie and grandma also don’t like my mum and have tried to drive a wedge between my parents, resulting in them fighting most of the time. I just cant talk to my auntie anymore. I hate her. I look at other peoples families and see how happy they are and secretly cry to have one like that. My families antics have affected me. Why does my auntie do that? is she unhappy in her own life? jealousy? I have such a negative outlook on life. I cant talk to any of my family members properly, and I cant trust or even have anyone to confide into. To top it off I feel like im turning into my parents. I am always there for my friends. If they ever need help e.g. finding a job, I will search and search for them. However, when I try to organise something or want to go out, 99% of the time they are too ‘busy’. I feel like I am also being taken advantage of. What should I do to make my family better again? How do I remove this negative label attached to us? I just want a normal family that does not affect my life. None of my family understands that this is affecting me like hell. I feel like im on the verge of depression and breaking down. I pray and pray and have paitience but its just getting worse. Help.
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
That is sad. The fact that this all is breaking you down, shows that you are a good person. May ALLAH TALAH bless you.
AS for your toxic familymembers, unfortunately you can’t do much about their behavior. And as for the people who stop coming to your house because of the negativity spread by your aunties, well it tells more about those people than about you and your parents.
I know it’s horrible when someone spreads false rumours about you, but the only thing you can do is confroont the one spreading it. And stay yoiurself. If you are right, then good people will see that you are right. If some brainless bimbos believe everything they hear, then you are better off without them.
The advice that I can give you is keep your relatives at a distance. You don’t need to confide them, or hang out with them. Stay polite and have a chitchat if they talk to you, but keep it neutral.
You can’t change them, so change your interaction with them. Tone it down.
If they are telling a lie infront of you, or you see them behaving sneaky, then confront them (if you can).
You can’t change your parents, but you can change yourself. So don’t let anyone walk over you. Those friends who only take and never return are not real friends. The ones who do this continuously, next time they ask you for a favour, don’t do it.
What will they do? Will they stop liking you? If they do, then you definitely know that they are not worth being friends with.
No matter how hard it is, you will have to take certain actions, for your own sake. In the beginning it will be hard, but in long term you will feel better. In sha ALLAH.
And please disvuss how you feel with your parents. Don’t let it eat you from inside.
I hope you get sukoon back in your life 
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
Are these toxic relatives in Pakistan or the UK? If it's the former, then it's all the more reason for you to make the effort to talk to them. They may have complained to your mom, who feels even more pressured. Your mom could've handled it differently, but I think her reaction was due to overwhelming frustration and she snapped; move on from it and help her out. Don't provide them with ammunition so easily.
You can help your reputation by doing two things. Firstly as the cliche goes actions speak louder than words. Behave in a way that contradicts what's being said about you...a more positive way....especially with other desis in the community. Keep your relatives at a distance and don't share much about your life with them as suggested above.....but at the same time.....Attend events, socialize more, and that way you'll form connections. Secondly....and this one's a bit harder to do....don't complain or vent about your relatives to family members or people within your community. This will prevent fueling the tension and it creates a difference between you and them....where you will be seen as having more class and they will be seen as gossips over time.
If you haven't already discussed the above-mentioned concerns with your parents (reputation, them fighting, the future,etc) ...then consider doing so when they're in a better mood. Maybe they'll take things more seriously and actually do something about it.
Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do?
Counselling? Just to talk things through rather than bottling it in. They should help you on how to deal with you're feelings and the situation.
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
I wish I my aunties didn’t find out about what goes on with us but no matter how much we don’t share it, my dadi runs to her and tells her every minute detail, so much so that my auntie knows exactly what goes on in our house despite us not telling anyone. :‘( and as for my friends, well they all take me for granted and if I take drastic measures with all of them, well then I have no friends left. Theyre not bad people, just wont do much for me :’(. This means that I wont have anyone left to talk to. People hardly talk to us anyway because of the rumours about our family, and if I break up with my friends ill have no one left. How ill I make more friends? Actually how do people make more friends that will be there for you?
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
Are these toxic relatives in Pakistan or the UK? If it's the former, then it's all the more reason for you to make the effort to talk to them. They may have complained to your mom, who feels even more pressured. Your mom could've handled it differently, but I think her reaction was due to overwhelming frustration and she snapped; move on from it and help her out. Don't provide them with ammunition so easily.
You can help your reputation by doing two things. Firstly as the cliche goes actions speak louder than words. Behave in a way that contradicts what's being said about you...a more positive way....especially with other desis in the community. Keep your relatives at a distance and don't share much about your life with them as suggested above.....but at the same time.....Attend events, socialize more, and that way you'll form connections. Secondly....and this one's a bit harder to do....don't complain or vent about your relatives to family members or people within your community. This will prevent fueling the tension and it creates a difference between you and them....where you will be seen as having more class and they will be seen as gossips over time.
If you haven't already discussed the above-mentioned concerns with your parents (reputation, them fighting, the future,etc) ...then consider doing so when they're in a better mood. Maybe they'll take things more seriously and actually do something about it.
No, these relatives are those in the UK, not Pakistan. What type of events do I go to? I really want to start socialising more so that I can meet more people and see that not everyone is bad. What do I do?
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
Counselling? Just to talk things through rather than bottling it in. They should help you on how to deal with you're feelings and the situation.
Ive thought about it but I feel like my situation is just too long and complicated and im just not up for it, talking about my problems with a stranger. Thattl just make me feel as if I have some issue within myself I dunno, im just not comfortable with it. Thanks for the suggestion any way :)
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
Ditch your so-called 'friends' - they aren't friends, they are just some other people making your life more difficult than it already is. It may mean you're alone in the short-term, but you'll find some new friends through events and work/school, iA. And you'll find out who your real friends are when you put some distance between yourselves - those who are really your friends will come back.
As for your toxic relatives - don't worry, we all have some toxic relatives in our families. The best way to deal with them is to put some distance there too and just be civil - 'hi, bye' that's it.
And you need to have a talk with your parents - they need to see what affect this is having on you. Trust me, nobody can see their own child suffering, and maybe this is what they need to show them the real problem, i.e. your relatives and not each other.
May Allah give you a sabr. Ameen.
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
The only thing that I can advice you is that just pray and ditch your friends. I have been through a similar experience and because of these spitf**ks my dad passed away. He worried a lot, about his siblings and why they weren't nice to him and didn't talked to him. They caused a lot of fights between my parents and just interrupted in almost every matter of our own life. As far as the aunt is concerned you mentioned that she is from UK and now I am just going to assume from here that they may not like you and your family because you are Pakistani (if i am right). I don't know what will it take for them to be nice and change themselves but I think the chances are low. Just stay strong and play your role as a good daughter/son so your parents may feel proud of you and feel better about themselves. Inshallah Allah will bless you. Stay strong and pray.
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
Ditch your so-called 'friends' - they aren't friends, they are just some other people making your life more difficult than it already is. It may mean you're alone in the short-term, but you'll find some new friends through events and work/school, iA. And you'll find out who your real friends are when you put some distance between yourselves - those who are really your friends will come back.
As for your toxic relatives - don't worry, we all have some toxic relatives in our families. The best way to deal with them is to put some distance there too and just be civil - 'hi, bye' that's it.
And you need to have a talk with your parents - they need to see what affect this is having on you. Trust me, nobody can see their own child suffering, and maybe this is what they need to show them the real problem, i.e. your relatives and not each other.
May Allah give you a sabr. Ameen.
Thank you:) I try to remain civil with my aunties and other family members and just only answer to them when they ask me or if it really important, otherwise its just a hi or bye. However, I get really down that my relationship with them should not be like this. We should be really close and friendly and chatty etc. I feel so sorry for myself and then so angry with myself because I feel sorry for myself. iA my situation becomes better with time and prayers. Please pray for me too that I can get through this.
Re: Everything is getting to me, im scared i will break or something, what shall i do
The only thing that I can advice you is that just pray and ditch your friends. I have been through a similar experience and because of these spitf**ks my dad passed away. He worried a lot, about his siblings and why they weren't nice to him and didn't talked to him. They caused a lot of fights between my parents and just interrupted in almost every matter of our own life. As far as the aunt is concerned you mentioned that she is from UK and now I am just going to assume from here that they may not like you and your family because you are Pakistani (if i am right). I don't know what will it take for them to be nice and change themselves but I think the chances are low. Just stay strong and play your role as a good daughter/son so your parents may feel proud of you and feel better about themselves. Inshallah Allah will bless you. Stay strong and pray.
omg im so sorry to hear that. Yeah my mum has to bear the brunt of all this and she has developed health problems. this is also why I worry. I tell my parents that we should just break all contact and move away elsewhere, but lets face reality, who is going to give up there job and life just to start again elsewhere, its not a movie. My aunt is a british Pakistani as are we...yeah I will continue to please my parents and try and not let this get to me, iA I will get through it, it has to get better right?