etiquettes of going to a funeral

[Dushwari]

when some one dies, it is already a shock to the family. and many levels of sadness take over the immediate family members. especially, if someone had a very long and difficult disease like a brain tumor.

the family would normally notify friends and relatives that someone has died. and that funeral will take place a given date, time and place.
now, the responsibility of the people who decide to go to the funeral to pay final respect of seeing and wishing a place in the heaven with Almighty, is necessary with them being able to share kind thoughts about the deceased and how nice he/she were.

in some Pakistani families people may weep very loudly as they grieve right after the death of a loved one.

and there may be some people who visit a house of a dead person and his/her family before the actual funeral, and after sometime become fussy and ask so much in the way of demanding this or that, or just not being considerate in knowing and appearing to indicate that they know they’ve decided to visit the family of a dead person, and at their house, he/she should not be insensitive of behave inappropriately either during dua, or tasbeeh and at the lunch or dinner that is normally served to everybody, basically thanking them, as a guest for having taken the time to come together as a social support for the family of the person who has died.

only if a young couple together, can act and stop such company from behaving very irresponsibly at that time. regardless of who it is from their in-laws.

any thoughts on what you all feel, why some people are insensitive as they speak or act, in the situation of visiting a house and family of a dead person?
will these people ever know that they are being mean?
or someone must politely tell them to behave.

and how can other people enable some realization in people about being mindful of the hurt family of the dead person, and check as to why these people don’t behave nicely when they arrive at a house with a dead body?

best,
Dushwari

[pinks]

Re: etiquettes of going to a funeral

I can kinda relate to this. My Daadi passed away last year and we spent the last 4 months up to her death with her (Alhumdulillah for that!). Besides this, I must have gone to 2 other funerals that year

I think my Chachoo knew it coming so he forced EVERYONE to go home from the hospital. When we did find out the news, i was almost paralysed…

When my Daadi was brought home, and before they uncovered her face, my Chachoo said (in the most stern voice I’d heard coming from him) “khabardaar mujhe kishi ki zoor se roone ki awaaz aa’e” Subhanallah! obviously we were all crying, but not one did I hear ANYONE from our family cry out loud.

And then we had ppl over for days… and a lot of them would sit around for lunch and dinner!!! for God’s sake! someone passed away and your’e wanting food!!! nadeede loug. Manners would lead someone to come, pay their respects, make dua for the person and leave, not linger around for hours!!!

And it kinda also got hard bcoz the next 3 weeks or so ppl kept on coming ever so often and would inquire about “how it all happened”… its hard to move on from something if your’e always dictating the same story again and again. But I understand where it comes from… in our culture, if u dont ask then its considered rude…

Subhanallah we did not have any formal Quran Khaani (although some ppl tried) and for the saum we had a little durs and thats all (no Quran khaani their either). And right after the men took my Daadi away for the funeral prayers, we had this lady give a tiny durs followed by a lengthy dua for my Daadi (Subhanallah there were so many ppl that two durses were running simultaneously in our house).

However, there are ppl who are completely insensitive, saying stuff like “yaar woh saalun ka donga tou paas kar na, iss waale mein booti nahi hai!!!” (happened at another funeral, not my Daadis)

And sometimes, ladies do get out of control… this one family the women were all over the floor, crying and screaming… and when they were taking the bodies away, they were trying to follow it out of their homes! the men literally had to tell the women off and shut the door so they couldn’t come out!

I havn’t seen this in Pakistanis however and Arab friend was telling me how some women came to the funeral dressed in inapproriate clothing, with full makeup and what not! how rude is that.

I think education is the golden key, and we as an Ummah lack that… ppl shud hold lectures adressing such issues and what the Prophet’s SAW behaviour was… lekin inn lectures mein chand ki loug interested hote haiN :no:

And bcoz of this lack of education, ppl wanna throw away money on stuff like chaaliswaaN and barsi, etc!

May Allah SWT forgive & guide me, my family, and all muslimeen, Amin.

[coolmunda]

Re: etiquettes of going to a funeral

@pinks

When my Daadi was brought home, and before they uncovered her face, my Chachoo said (in the most stern voice I’d heard coming from him) “khabardaar mujhe kishi ki zoor se roone ki awaaz aa’e” Subhanallah! obviously we were all crying, but not one did I hear ANYONE from our family cry out loud.
in.

Masha Allah, he did the right thing :k:

[Dushwari]

Re: etiquettes of going to a funeral

pinks and coolmunda_2000, good to know that there are people and families out there, who would value and regard a sense of realization of the sad occasion.
best,
Dushwari

[xlusively_me]

Re: etiquettes of going to a funeral

i know when my nani passed away mom guys got offended with people dressing up for the funeral like wearing new clothes, and at conversations that revolved around the quantity and quality of food.