estranged from fam?

[lahorikudi]

Re: estranged from fam?

@Paheli00

I went through this when I was 22 when I moved out. You’re not alone. BTW, moving into a hotel is dumb.

I’m very confused by your above statements. You’re in the U.S. right? How does your dad get your paychecks UNLESS you yourself hand it to him? Or you have it deposited into his account?

And what is preventing you from walking into a bank, and getting your own checking account? What is preventing you from getting your own credit card? Most credit cards these days offere a “paperless statement” option so you can do everything online (ie. they will not mail you any paper statements to your house). Since you have a job, why can’t you get your own phone?

So what will happen if you did not give your paycheck to your dad? Is he going to beat you? Kick you out of the house?

@kakee

I’m sorry the 22 year old girl is supporting her parents not the other way around how are they looking at her from a parent kind of view and not being greedy?So just because they are your parents they can/say and do whatever you want and you can never leave them?Also I don’t understand why it would be SO EXTREME to live by herself? She clearly can support herself so why not?OP: Why don’t your parents have a job? Do you live overseas or Pakistan?

@LucyMay

I’m confused about how your Dad gets your paycheck too. You need to start asserting more control over your finances. I’m not saying stop giving your parents money, but maybe set up 2 direct deposits of your paycheck - 1 in parents’ account, and 1 in your own. You’re an adult and looks like you’re financially independent too. There is no reason why your parents should micromanage your finances to the extent of analyzing your credit card statements! Most parents help their young adult kids with financial decisions, but not to the extent of scrutinizing cc spend and demanding justification for expenses.

Your parents’ attitude is definitely concerning. It seems like they’re taking you and your contribution to the family for granted. You need to stand your ground and not be a doormat. Leaving the house (for school) may just be a blessing in disguise so you understand the value of each other.

wow even reading what I wrote last night, I’m surprised. I was pretty pissed off.

I live in the US. My parents had jobs but one of was laid off (thank you, economy) and the other just got super injured so is on leave. We have a lot of property so that is helping us financially.

The reason my dad gets my paycheck is fairly stupid. It’s because that’s how it’s always been done. I blame my mother 100% for this. He’s a control freak and she’s the enabler. She’s, unfortunately, been a pretty big doormat when it came to finances, always deferring to him in terms of that. Because of that, my dad’s begun to expect it. When I was younger, it was fine but now that I"m older it makes me mad to no end that I have to justify every expenditure. I mean, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a shopaholic and my dad uses that to justify why the money’s going to him. And the whole “we’re a family, there’s no mine and yours” is what they all use. I’m fine with that mentality as I haven’t had problems spending money but it DOES piss me off when they take the fact that they have control over my finances BECAUSE I LET THEM and throw it in my face.

I agree the hotel idea was dumb. But I did end up coming out to a coffee shop to study and get work done away from home so I can calm down. I need a way out because I can’t handle the micromanaging in all my affairs (my dad turned down a fairly good rishta last month because, according to him, the guy wasn’t “good enough” even though EVERYONE else was on board. Eventually he made his disdain so obvious that the guy’s side backed out) and school seems to be the only way without having them cut me off. I sound laalchi as hell but I start medical school and I can’t afford to have them cut me off completely.

I don’t know. I know they are stressed because of some financial stuff that just happened a few weeks back and I’m still dealing with the failed rishta tha seemed to be going well. And I guess we’re all a little stir crazy from being around each other so often. I just don’t appreciate the insults and jabs at my character. It makes me sad because I feel like most desi people have really stable/good relationships with parents and here I am complaning about mine.