My siblings and I range from the ages of 12-17 so we are not that young at all. We are pretty well behaved most of the time with the occasional sibling rivalry, competing or just plain anger. But i think that is common in most houses.
Today my father and mother and me and my brother were sitting in the living room when my dad started ranking us.
He put me and my brother who were sitting in that room last on his list.
Tears jumped into my eyes and my brothers bcuz we could both just feel the hate from my father and we left the room not wanting to hear any more. I went into my room crying (silently) and cold hear my brother sobbing in the next room.
I think that it is absolutely disgusting for a father to bring tears into his kids eyes by telling them that he prefers other siblings over them.
this is not the same old “i** feel** that my parents bla bla bla…”
This is " today my dad** told** me he didnt love me as much as my other siblings…"
My mother didnt say anything but she didnt disagree either…
How can a parent do this to their own kid?
Re: equal treatment?
what were his reasons for saying u and ure brother weren't as much loved as ure other siblings?
ive seen parents doing that when they feel a son or daughter isnt doing enuff for the household, are selfish .. have attitude problems, bad personalities etc etc..
nothing justifies his behaviour cuz no parent should put down their offspring like that...
Re: equal treatment?
^ exactly!no parents should do that.if parents think any of their children is at wrong,or anything which causes them or others irritation or anything as that matter,they should speak about it gently,and make the kids understand,but,no parents should make any comparison among their kids.comparison just breaks a child's character who is being put down.
Re: equal treatment?
In all honestly i have no clue why my dad said that but I think the us wo are the least selfish of all of us..... we both help our mom around the house...help siblins with hw...help our dad wih his work other stuff like that... and our two other siblings sit around like princes... it was just unfair....
The thing is i tried to talk to my mom about how much it hurt us and she said " your dad works so hard for you guys and you cant even hear one comment"
The thing is its not one comment! Its dozens of comments.
I love my parents very much but the thing is when i get married it will be my brothers' job to care for them (not that its not mine) but if they treat my middle brother like that--- he might not want to and it makes me worried for my parents sake. My brother is only almost 14 so its not like the behaviour he exhibits now will be the same in the future. BUT what if it is? What if this mean behaviour from my parents follows him through his life.
They are always comparing us and trying to get us to compete with each other (in a negative way). Much praise is given to my two other siblings about everything. There was a time me and my other bro strove to work hard for our parents love but this year i just kinda gave up...cuz no matter what i do it wont be appreciated :(
I know a sound like a selfish ***** but it really hurts me inside and it hurts me more to see my brother sad or hear him sobbing in the next room.....
Re: equal treatment?
I think desi parents in particular often aren't as sensitive as they should be, it's like they have some sort of deficiency when it comes to looking out for other people's feelings tho of course they've often been brought up that way by their own parents so they don't know any different. It's seen as something 'normal' in society. I've heard people say infront of their kids 'oh she's overweight, 'she's not pretty' and 'i'm so disappointed with how they've turned out, we should never have come to this country.' It breaks me heart that some of our parents can be so tactless, if their kid does 100 good things and 1 single little bad thing that one thing is what they will continuously bring up. Often the kids don't even do anything bad but the parents will pick at something that they see as a negative. It can really affect a person and literally change their personality, make them depressed and cause them to do badly at school/college. People often think if their own parents don't believe in them then who will?
I think the comparing kids with their sibling is the twisted desi way of getting them to compete with each other and therefore 'better' themselves, academically and in other ways. Basically no matter how hard u try academically or how much housework u do at home they will think u should be better.
Mahiya, as hard as it is, try not to dwell on it and let it affect u cos it will really mess ur head up. You could write him a letter and leave it for him just saying how hurt u were that he said those things, it's often not the best thing to confront desi parents about this stuff cos they might turn around and say stuff like 'oh, ur too sensitive' and make u feel as tho u are the one in the wrong which can hurt even more and make u feel worse. If possible try to keep busy with other things so u can move on, concentrate on the positives in ur life and try and push the negativity that comes from your dad to one side.