This incident happened two years ago in Islamabad. Came to my mind as an example when I was thinking about this topic.
My sister’s class fellow uzma had recently lost her mother. She was suddenly stabbed to death in a street by some abnormal person, while she was going out of her house with her sister. It was going to be the first summer vacation for Uzma without her mother hence a very long and painful one.
My sister and her two class fellows in the dental college, are waiting near the gate for their cars to pick them. The last day at college has just finished and they are casually talking about their plans for the vacations.
Simra: “I am so excited about these holidays. No more waking up early in the morning. My mom would be hitting me with the pillow barey pyar se while telling me to wake up and have my breakfast. Because she would have prepared for me mazey mazey ke sandwiches. She is so cute and adorable, I love talking to her and teasing her when I am at home. She listens to me carefully whatever I have to say. She is my best friend to spend holidays with…”
My sister (with her mouth and eyes open) is in a complete shock looking at Simra, who is totally lost in her excitement. My sister is thinking, Oh…Simra, did you forget whom you are talking to…!!!
Uzama was listening to every word very carefully, her sad face had lost its glow, had agony and pain written all over it, finally gathered her strength to whisper in a weak crying voice as if she just woke up from a dream, "Aur kia karti hain tumhari ammi (What else does your mom do) ? "
For a moment my sister felt that there is no ground under her feet, and she would burst into tears…
The cars had finally arrived and they all went to their respective homes with totally different moods.
It's totally understandable for Uzma to be sensitive and hurt and Simra's thoughtlessness, BUT I think it is not fair to make Simra feel bad about having this loving relationship with her mother. But yes, she should've been sensitive.
Before writing it down, I called my sister (who is in the UK now) to make sure I don't go wrong in mentioning any detail. She was not picking the phone. This is how I remember her explaining it to me, to the best of my memory. I didn't remember their names, but I didn't need their real names anyway as I wouldn't disclose their identity so I used random names.
As a person who doesnt have their mother, I do not begrudge somebody who does and I dont think Uzma would either. I used to feel envious when younger, but ye cannit live life denying that other people have something you don't.
I agree, the title doesn’t go well with the incident. Usually there always is a motive behind starting a thread. In this case, when I opened the thread, after writing down the title I was going to write about general stuff like, rich people showing off their possessions to those poor friends who are not in a position to buy them but can only appreciate with a sad feeling of their own personal loss. I personally don’t mind if anyone shows off to me anything that I can’t achieve, but I definitely don’t want to even unintentionally become part of making anyone feel their loss more than before. Why explain the beauty of a scenery to the blind who can’t benefit from it. Or showing different functions of the latest treadmill that you bought to the one who can’t walk. I mean we do like to show our achievements to people in order to feel good about it, but wouldn’t it be better not to discuss in detail your highest grade with the one who just failed in the exams. Or telling your successful job interview story to the one who just got rejected in an interview.
I don’t know how this 2 year old incident popped up in my mind, and instead of writing the above paragraph I wrote the incident and forgot to adjust the title accordingly. The intention was not to blame Simra. As far as I remember, the murder incident was known to the whole class of my sister, but somehow may be Simra didn’t realize it as few months had already passed after the murder incident.
Anyways, any possible negative result can be extracted from anything, depending upon people’s intentions. (not pointing at your post).
In any case, all the negative conclusions taken out of my posts are good for me as it motivates me to take a long break from online forums and spend more time in focusing on my practical responsibilities in life. I am really thankful to people who motivate me in taking breaks from time to time..People related to me already don’t want me to think too much and spend time on internet.
When I lost my dad, it was hurting me when people were talking about their fathers, but they never appeared as thoughtless people to me. I know that none of them were trying to tease me or anything.
In the above case, its Uzma who lost her mom, not Simra. Simra was just describing her life, not trying to tease Uzma.
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