So I’ve often heard elders and even peers say teach your kids urdu (or whatever your native language is) as they will learn English anyway when they start school…right. I agree that our children living outside of their homeland should know their native language, but I don’t agree that we should only talk to them in urdu for the simple reason that when they do get to school, they feel completely alienated and have to struggle to learn English and fit in.
I know 3 families here going through this situation where they are experts in speaking urdu/punjabi but at age 5, in kindergarten, they are totally depressed and hate going to school because they are unable to participate in the activities. Of course the teachers are very patient and understand that they need help and time to catch up but shouldn’t we parents accept the fact that we are going to be living here and should be more relaxed about this language issue which seems to be more of an ego problem?
This uncle ji commented that my daughters don’t speak good urdu and was criticizing our parenting…while his daughter who is 16 now, a high school student here, can barely do an assignment properly because her dad insists she must only speak and read urdu otherwise she will forget her roots.
So I've often heard elders and even peers say teach your kids urdu (or whatever your native language is) as they will learn English anyway when they start school...right. I agree that our children living outside of their homeland should know their native language, but I don't agree that we should only talk to them in urdu for the simple reason that when they do get to school, they feel completely alienated and have to struggle to learn English and fit in.
I know 3 families here going through this situation where they are experts in speaking urdu/punjabi but at age 5, in kindergarten, they are totally depressed and hate going to school because they are unable to participate in the activities. Of course the teachers are very patient and understand that they need help and time to catch up but shouldn't we parents accept the fact that we are going to be living here and should be more relaxed about this language issue which seems to be more of an ego problem?
This uncle ji commented that my daughters don't speak good urdu and was criticizing our parenting...while his daughter who is 16 now, a high school student here, can barely do an assignment properly because her dad insists she must only speak and read urdu otherwise she will forget her roots.
Balance?
just cuz she speaks and read urdu that doesn't mean she is poor in assignment. it could be other reasons..no?
I meant to say that she has trouble writing out an assigment due to her language skills...she told me so herself. She doesn't have any American friends, which is fine OK, but her dad doesn't think she should be reading English books to improve her vocabulary or communicating in English as it will take her away from her roots.
**my nephew and neice [19 and 17] respectively do NOT speak a word of urdu coz we speak english at home. i do NOT agree with that but hey its NOT my house and not my kids. my my sister comes for a visit, they hardly communicate with her in a common language. kids speak in english which she can mostly understand while she speaks mostly in easy urdu [not lucknauwa persianized urdu] and kids understand some of it.
when and if i have my kids, i will speak in urdu always and my wife wud speak in english so kids will learn both...yes, balance is the key.**
I am totally not exaggerating. This is what he says and tells me every single time we meet him.
Anyway, that's him and his family but I do think our kids should know how to carry a basic conversation in our native language. If they are interested in furthering that knowledge then there are many resources available. However, it is more important to be proficient in the local language as this is where their future is (at least that's what we think at this point, Allah knows best).
I think it requires a fine balance. I understand the root part but we have to think that kids need to compete with other kids in an American school system and first and foremost he/she needs to have that competitive edge. You put an extremely genius American kid in Chinese school and he will not be able to perform well because of the language deficiency.
its totally ridiculous, imho! firstly, if, at 16, she doesn't already know her roots, then frankly, its not gonna happen. and not letting her have any american friends or read english books- that's just ignorant. you cannot control your children like robots- sooner or later, their personality develops and they're going to rebel because this extreme behaviour ain't normal and they're going to pick up on it pretty quick.
its better to develop a balance between living here and being desi, and teaching your kids the best of both worlds. otherwise, really, you belong back in the pind you came from because you'll never be able to adjust or be comfortable and you're going to raise a bunch of alienated kids who will neither fit in here or back home, wherever home may be.
this issue really bothers me, personally (can you tell? lol). people need to have more confidence in themselves and their desi-ness and their ability to pass on an identity to their children, and yes,* do* come here knowing that what you teach will be a DIFFERENT, but not automatically a bad, version of what you yourself were taught. its not the same environment, it CANNOT be the same. OR don't bother coming here and having kids because you're ruining your children's lives by limiting their opportunities.
poor girl! if she's struggling in high school, what on earth will she do in uni, not just academically but socially? like i said, ridiculous.
i say speak to your kids in urdu and english. i like the concept of one parent speaking each language. kids watch and learn english from tv and books too. all the kids in our family who've grown up here, young or old, speak english even though they understand urdu, punjabi, and/or persian, some/all of which are spoken by various family members, quite well. that is their choice and that's good enough. so long as people in the family speak different languages, there will always be opportunity for them to respond in something other than english. so see, they *can't *lose their mother tongue!
So I've often heard elders and even peers say teach your kids urdu (or whatever your native language is) as they will learn English anyway when they start school...right. I agree that our children living outside of their homeland should know their native language, but I don't agree that we should only talk to them in urdu for the simple reason that when they do get to school, they feel completely alienated and have to struggle to learn English and fit in.
I know 3 families here going through this situation where they are experts in speaking urdu/punjabi but at age 5, in kindergarten, they are totally depressed and hate going to school because they are unable to participate in the activities. Of course the teachers are very patient and understand that they need help and time to catch up but shouldn't we parents accept the fact that we are going to be living here and should be more relaxed about this language issue which seems to be more of an ego problem?
This uncle ji commented that my daughters don't speak good urdu and was criticizing our parenting...while his daughter who is 16 now, a high school student here, can barely do an assignment properly because her dad insists she must only speak and read urdu otherwise she will forget her roots.
Balance?
I really do not believe that speaking to a child in a language that is other than English would contribute in him/her being incompetent at school. I mean, come on, you spent 13-14 years in school where everyone speaks in English, you STUDIED the language, you watched cartoons and other TV programs in English, you must have used English language when you were out dealing with people who are not family and you still didn't learn the language. How is that ever possible? Speaking a language and writing formal write-ups in that language are two different things. There are so very many people in Pakistan who can speak Urdu or their regional language but they can't read or write.
My parents always spoke to me and my siblings in Urdu. Other than speaking the language, we can read and write it too and I must say that I love the language. It has got certain sweetness and grace to it without having a feeling of snootiness which English may have sometimes ( this is my own opinion entirely). I do see people in family and friends who speak to their kids entirely in English and, sometimes, even when parents can barely speak English themselves and each time I see this happening, I can barely control rolling my eyes.
She's not incompetent...she does pass her grades and gets her work done. What I meant to say is that her lack of exposure to the language has made it difficult for her to develop the command over the language. She thinks in urdu and tries to translate in English...try to imagine the results. Her parents have kept her in a little box.
I wish my parents had stuck to either Urdu or punjabi, but instead i have this weird mix of English grammar with urdu vocabulary and a punjabi accent. (and I was an English major :hinna: )
Anything taken in the extreme is not good I think! As far as language, the very best thing is for children to learn and grow with the "local" language, the one that they will need and use in school, with friends, out in public. When they think in the local language, I'm sure that they fare much better in school and with friends without having to translate and re-state. BUT its a really wonderful thing to expose them to a second language while very young because thats the easiest time for them to learn. I always wanted my boys to be bilingual but that took a back burner with the eldest and the youngest having speech delay in just one lanuage!!
Anyway, parents who push for their mother-tongue outside of their country are really making things much tougher for their kids. Struggles in school can be tough enough - why make things even more difficult for them?
She's not incompetent...she does pass her grades and gets her work done. What I meant to say is that her lack of exposure to the language has made it difficult for her to develop the command over the language. She thinks in urdu and tries to translate in English...try to imagine the results. Her parents have kept her in a little box.
i dont believe it... where is she living? amreeka right?
kids need to know their own language first... they must know their Mother tongue well .. how they cannot learn the language of the land where they are currently residing? it has nothing to do with the lack of exposure (as u r describing) but it has something to do with their learning abilities....
my 4yr old nephew speaks perfect urdu and english sentences ... for more than 3yrs he has been raised among totally Urdu speaking elders....
my husband speaks very very poor urdu and now he feels embarrassed whenever he ends up among our own people ...my MIL regrets not teaching her kids her own language..and now they want to make sure that our kids know urdu very well....
Nik, I've met some of these people and it never ceases to amaze. There was an Indian/Hindu guy, really smart consultant who spoke broken english in a very heavily accented Indian brogue. HE grew up in USA!!! And another consultant who grew up in Pak but spoke english at home all his life. Everyone assumed that the Pakistani was an all-american and that the Indian grew up in some remote village.
The Indian guy who is extremely intelligent, was always held back because he just sounds ignorant when speaking or making presentations. Makes all the stereotypical errors in speech and you can tell that when a question is asked, he has to translate it in his mind, formulate an answer and then formulate it into english. Its a huge drawback in a society where a more native english-speaker can easily be found with a similar skillset.
These things make all the difference in later years, perhaps starting in High school and beyond. Give this gift to your kids and you'll never regret it.
My ammi was very smart about the whole thing. When we came to the states, she demanded that we speak to her only in Urdu, made me read Maududi's Urdu interpretation of the Quran daily, and had me do lessons from Urdu school books appropriate for my age. English I'd already picked up quite a bit before coming to the states because I was already learning it from my old school and my mother (her English is excellent). When we came here, she helped me with my spelling/language homework at school and patiently explained the words I didn't understand when I first came. And she would read to me (in English and Urdu) and encouraged my love of books (which I got from her).
My urdu will never be at the level of my parents and siblings (the former who received their entire education in Pakistan and the latter who received a part of it there). But, I can understand it, converse in it, and read it. I have to admit, reading requires a lot of effort on my part, but that's mostly my fault for making such a fuss when my mother was trying to teach me. I'm trying to get better at it through some Urdu language CDs and books.
Nik, if someone criticizes your girls, tell them to go jump in Puget Sound and get run over by a ferry, preferably the Walla Walla, the biggest one of em all.
(and I was an English major :hinna: )