What are the customs in an engagement from the guys side and from the girls side…I have no idea and everyone is kind of confused. What did you do on your engagment? How big a deal is it or should it be??
HELP!
Umm...I've also wondered about this. I know some people go all out with the engagement but others keep it simple. Depends on what you want really, and your situation.
Well each family has it's own customs and you have to be very careful not to offend the "other side's" customs!!
For example in our custom it is usual for the boy's side to bring presents for the whole family (including distant relations!) of the girl. The presents usually consist of clothes, chadar, shoes etc and used to include grain, sugar etc.!! If any relative is missed out then that could have detrimental effects on the longevity of the engagement!!!
Veshi Gujjar,
Would like to marry a mirpuri girl?
interesting.....so what should we bring the guys side??? Gifts as well?
Personally you shouldn’t care abt the longevity of “ENGAGEMENT”. Jitni choti ho utna acha hai.
Ofourse, the longvity of MARRIAGE is paramount and shud not be compromised.
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And why the heck should gifts be given to ALL the relatives, distant and closeby???
Muft ka kharcha… Simplicty is the best.
Take gifts for the parents of the girl… And, oh, don’t forget to take a RING. Its usually a good idea to present a ring to the girl. Good photo-opportunity
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Also take some flowers and fruit.
I personally believe in
KISS i.e. Keep it Simple Stupid!!
Whether it's a marriage or an engagement ceremony, simplicity is t/ way to go or @ least it should be, instead of showing off what we have, or what we are capable of financially or otherwise.
Yes, these ceremonies should be Decent & Elegant affairs & you really DON'T need to spend a lot of money to have an elegant
(Not Flashy) event. Save t/ money for your future & your kids' future which is more substantial than trying to impress some irrelevent relatives!!.
We Desis unfortunately have gotten in this rut of trying to impress everyone & anyone & have become very flashy, pretentious & consequently big show offs to get some
"Wah, Wahs!!". Rememeber, you can always have a Simple, yet elegant ceremony. Just requires planning & common sense!!
P.S. I'm NOT saying be a miser(kanjoos), but just use plain & simple common sense.Ther's a BIG difference in being "kanjoos" & being Simple!
thanks everyone ! I love the advice
FunkyDesi, I totally agree with your point of view.
I always understood an enagement to be the public anouncment of two families that they will no longer be looking for other matches.
There are a number of reasons as to why you would not go into marriage imeadiatly, if you wanted to become more finacially stable first (for example) even though you had already found your match.
As such, there should be no superficial customs attached to engagements, apart from those which are meaningful, worthwhile and sensible.
An engagment shouldn't be a soap opera, it's simply the start of a life-long commitment.
Thnax Pilot
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Actually “Mungnii” ceremonies have become quite flashy recently as I mentioned earlier. However, there are still a lot of families (including ours) that just believe in “Baat Pakki Karnaa” (Some may call it t/ “Mungnii” itself). Meaning t/ guys family just takes Mithaii (Desi sweets) to t/ girls family and some garlands for t/ girl & her parents, and t/ girls fmaily may do t/ same for t/ guy & his parents. Both girl & guy’s family invite only t/ Closests of frnds & family, that’s it.
Some “may” tke a ring for t/ girl, but it’s not necessary. t/ “Mithaiii” is thn distributed among your neighbours, frnds & family to inform them of t/ good news that thr son or daughter is engaged , and also to start preparation for t/ upcoming wedding (which generally tkes place w/in 6 months of t/ engagement. thn Wedding ceremonies ofcourse are more elaborate & everybody & anybody is invited.
Nowadays you can hardly tell if it’s an Engagemnt ceremony, Nikah ceremony or t/ Wedding itself!! I geuss ppl have a lot of money these days, and dont know what to do w/ it!!
Brother… I agree completly.
Would you mind organising my enagement (and wedding) for me?
Pilot, apnii amma say pitaii karao gay?? Apnay chaand say tukray ki aisi saadii sii mungnii? hai hai hai
with respect to the guy's side of the family giving gifts to the girl's entire family...I mean...isn't that kind of extreme? Immediate family..ya okie..but are u really gonna give the girl's chacha's daadi's nanna's behan's cousin's son a gift?!
....
[This message has been edited by ^DerVaisH^ (edited December 27, 2000).]
Well I am engaged…and it was a small affair…as small as you can get when you have a big family…so many politics of who to invite and who not too!..it turned out very nicely…gifts were exchanged but nothing eleborate…and it was to immediate family only…thanks to everyone for all the advice…
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) now my next step is the wedding and planning that seems to be quite challenging…i’m one of the few girls out there who don’t really enjoy planning my own wedding…i guess i’m strange!
Ditto Hinna.