Engaged Folks

[tissues]

So why people who are engaged go on dating & rishta apps even though they are engaged or got their baat paakki? Like today this friend I came across who was checking profiles on tinder & I have witnessed another dude like few weeks ago using some other app.

Why?
If you are single then thats understandable but when enaged & committed why use these apps?

[C0AS]

Re: Engaged Folks

May b not satisfied with the first one, or may b they hv preferences, jo pehle rishte mein puri nae
Then guys just engagement k baad nae sirf, shadi k baad bhi
Wo kia kehte hain,
Me un mein se nae jo shadi k baad badal jate hain
Shadi se pehle b mjhe shadi ka shoq tha, shadi k baad bhi mjhe shadi ka shoq hai

[aqua70]

Re: Engaged Folks

This happened to me. I tried muzmatch for like a month and matched with this guy on there. He seemed nice enough but after talking to me for like a week, he messages me saying hey aqua, I just wanted to let you know I am already committed to someone but I would like to remain friends with you. I was like the fudge? Seriously? Why were you talking to me! But get this, he didn’t unmatch me and I always saw him online. I uninstalled the app soon after but who knows he might still be on there and this was a year ago.

[Illuminate]

Re: Engaged Folks

That’s disgusting. It’s sad that people don’t value the sacredness of what a committed relationship is nor understand their obligations towards it.

[tissues]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Illuminate

That’s disgusting. It’s sad that people don’t value the sacredness of what a committed relationship is nor understand their obligations towards it.

Exactly. This one guy got enaged like in jan this year & his wedding date is in dec. His finacee is back home right now. In the start both were talking non stop on skype like everything ; ) & after few months he was telling me he joined tinder again as they are not talking as much like before. In my heart I was like dude you are only good as long as you are getting sexting out of her otherwise you will start doing chit? And he stopped it after a month since dec is approaching.

Wth is wrong with some guys?

[Illuminate]

Re: Engaged Folks

@tissues

Exactly. This one guy got enaged like in jan this year & his wedding date is in dec. His finacee is back home right now. In the start both were talking non stop on skype like everything ; ) & after few months he was telling me he joined tinder again as they are not talking as much like before. In my heart I was like dude you are only good as long as you are getting sexting out of her otherwise you will start doing chit? And he stopped it after a month since dec is approaching.

Wth is wrong with some guys?

Well you cut your losses. Life has a way of working itself out, either for us or against us. So…

[NaanGuard]

Re: Engaged Folks

thats why getting engaged is literally meaningless…people should just get straight up married..

[Pisiform]

Re: Engaged Folks

people these days don’t know the meaning of commitment. They can’t stay exclusive

[Illuminate]

Re: Engaged Folks

@NaanGuard

thats why getting engaged is literally meaningless…people should just get straight up married..

lol, I agree.

But that’s not the point. If you agree towards a commitment then you should keep it. It’s about keeping your word/promise. Who knows they might not keep their commitment after marriage if they are like this in the engagement phase.

[Bobby1]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Pisiform

people these days don’t know the meaning of commitment. They can’t stay exclusive

Arranged marriages are just transactions and conveniences, how do you get committed to a transaction?

[Pisiform]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Bobby1

Arranged marriages are just transactions and conveniences, how do you get committed to a transaction?

depends what kind of arranged marriage people do. Here, it is arranged to a point that aunties/mom help you meet a girl. The rest is up to the girl and the guy … talk, meet, see each other (without sleeping around) and if they think they are right for each other, then go ahead. I am not talking about never talking to the potential spouse and just marrying them like old days. I don’t think it happens anymore like that, not in West

[Illuminate]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Bobby1

Arranged marriages are just transactions and conveniences, how do you get committed to a transaction?

I think arranged marriages can work out quite well. As Pisi described it. Also, pretty sure my grandparents had a total arranged marriage and they were so understanding towards each other, patient, kind, committed. I spent lots of time with them as a child, and as I was growing older as well, and their relationship was quite beautiful. My grandfather was NOTHING like my grandmother, in terms of personality, they had different tastes and choices but they made it work so well. They were respectful and made each other better people and really complimented each other. Till this day they are my favourite couple. Pretty hard to find that these days. Most of the time these days A LOT of people are marrying of the wrong reasons.

[tissues]

Re: Engaged Folks

@NaanGuard

thats why getting engaged is literally meaningless…people should just get straight up married..

I agree, engagements are pointless to begin with but whats with some guys & this constant need of feeding their “nafs”? How about a bit of self control? If they are doing it now obviously they will do it after marriage & after a kid or two when wife will get fat.

[Bobby1]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Illuminate

I think arranged marriages can work out quite well. As Pisi described it. Also, pretty sure my grandparents had a total arranged marriage and they were so understanding towards each other, patient, kind, committed. I spent lots of time with them as a child, and as I was growing older as well, and their relationship was quite beautiful. My grandfather was NOTHING like my grandmother, in terms of personality, they had different tastes and choices but they made it work so well. They were respectful and made each other better people and really complimented each other. Till this day they are my favourite couple. Pretty hard to find that these days. Most of the time these days A LOT of people are marrying of the wrong reasons.

Times have changed, society has changed, people have changed, laws have changed and what worked for my parents doesn’t work for me. What works for me doesnt work for my parents. With a 50 percent divorce rate amongst muslims in USA and maybe a lot of unhappy marriages this thing seems broken. I have seen posters here who were miserable in their marriage from day 1. Always look ahead and not behind. I raised my kids to navigate the changes in society. I wish we had the same values as your grandparents but we don’t anymore.

[Bobby1]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Pisiform

depends what kind of arranged marriage people do. Here, it is arranged to a point that aunties/mom help you meet a girl. The rest is up to the girl and the guy … talk, meet, see each other (without sleeping around) and if they think they are right for each other, then go ahead. I am not talking about never talking to the potential spouse and just marrying them like old days. I don’t think it happens anymore like that, not in West

Still there are transactional details, my boy is tall so I dont want someone short, my boy is a doctor so I wont look at a high school graduate, we are well off we won’t look at a cabby’s daughter etc…its not like your heart is guiding you, it is like calculations are more important. Roniks parents, the doctors, sikh/Christian the chemistry bw them is so incredible and they keep giggling even after 18 yrs of marriage and that is what arranged marriage does not give you. I went thru this chit and the whole process is disgusting with these guys probing me about money and all.

[third_string]

Re: Engaged Folks

@tissues

I agree, engagements are pointless to begin with but whats with some guys & this constant need of feeding their “nafs”? How about a bit of self control? If they are doing it now obviously they will do it after marriage & after a kid or two when wife will get fat.

Why does wife have to get fat lol

[Pisiform]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Bobby1

Still there are transactional details, my boy is tall so I dont want someone short, my boy is a doctor so I wont look at a high school graduate, we are well off we won’t look at a cabby’s daughter etc…its not like your heart is guiding you, it is like calculations are more important. Roniks parents, the doctors, sikh/Christian the chemistry bw them is so incredible and they keep giggling even after 18 yrs of marriage and that is what arranged marriage does not give you. I went thru this chit and the whole process is disgusting with these guys probing me about money and all.

its preference, not transaction. Everyone has it, some like short, some like tall. Even if you are finding love on your own, you have preference, you like something about her, she likes something about you! There is always a preference

[Bobby1]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Pisiform

its preference, not transaction. Everyone has it, some like short, some like tall. Even if you are finding love on your own, you have preference, you like something about her, she likes something about you! There is always a preference

There is the chemistry and that is the driving force and then you let your instincts guide you. Calculus cannot replace chemistry. The guy who died saving his wife in Vegas, he was a nurse, his wife was a doctor…so a Female Pakistani doctors family would look for a male nurse? What if the girl that makes your heart skip a beat is white? These are not your preferences, these are what you are told should be your preferences.

[LP]

Re: Engaged Folks

@Bobby1

There is the chemistry and that is the driving force and then you let your instincts guide you. Calculus cannot replace chemistry. The guy who died saving his wife in Vegas, he was a nurse, his wife was a doctor…so a Female Pakistani doctors family would look for a male nurse? What if the girl that makes your heart skip a beat is white? These are not your preferences, these are what you are told should be your preferences.

What is chemistry? The deep and idiosyncratic preferences we have. We weren’t born with these preferences. Our entire life and the people in it shaped those preferences. Love is more a product of commodity supply and demand than we’d like to think(psychologytoday says that) .

[Bobby1]

Re: Engaged Folks

@LP

What is chemistry? The deep and idiosyncratic preferences we have. We weren’t born with these preferences. Our entire life and the people in it shaped those preferences. Love is more a product of commodity supply and demand than we’d like to think(psychologytoday says that) .

Here is a good read about chemistry

How Love Works