Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

Lifestyle Relationships
, , , ,
21

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

You know your spouse better. It is me... I wouldn't want to be in a relationship if my needs and opinions didn't matter to my hubby at all.

22

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

I work beause I've always been very career oriented and I actually enjoy what I do (I'm an engineer).

New development. We had a family reunion of sorts and hubby announced he will buy a big house and we will all live together in said house. This includes both sisters, brother and his parents. How he plans to afford a mansion in one of the most overinflated housing markets in the world is beyond me. I know I need to cut him off. The problem is how do I tell him that now?? I keep telling myself this is another case of him planning out his siblings' lives for them and probably wont even come to pass. But what if it does?? Im a very private person and need my privacy. How am I supposed to live with his entire family? I agreed to having his folks live with us but not his entire clan. I ddn't sign up for this!!

23

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

He's a great guy. Just a bit oversensitive when it comes to his family. He cant even take me disagreeing with his folks' advice/opinion 😢

24

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

You are his family too.

25

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

Thats when they come to canada. Its not that ez and who knows what will happen during that timeframe. For now focus should be this.

26

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

How is his sisters, plus their husbands and kids living with you in a grand mansion you can't afford because he's blowing his money on all sorts of things, normal or in any way reasonable?

Forget about what is even realistic from an affordability standpoint, you and your husband need to have discussions about where your collective lives are going. It seems like you have drastically different goals and visions about your future. You need to get on the same page or at least the same chapter of the same book.

27

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

LOL her husband isn't even on a book! All these plans of buying house, having a kid something etc. seems to be OP's plan only. He seems to have zero concern when it comes to saving money for his wife/future children. 100% of his focus is on his biological family. The fact that he doesn't even discuss important things like moving his ENTIRE family in BEFORE announcing it shows just how much values OPs opinion. Seems that he realizes no matter what he does, OP will continue bringing in the money and handing it over to him eventually.

28

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

Seems like OP, you havent learnt anything. Either do something about it or just don't complaint. By that i mean you are an easy cash cow for him. Be supportive and that is pretty good but do not forget the priorities. And priority is you and your kids. Seems like you avoid confrontation which is why you mentioned these kind of things will effect your marriage. Well i have a news for you, wether you like it or not, this stress will effect your relationship in the future beyween you two. So confront and stand up for yourself. Last but not least, he doesnt sound like grown man. Didnt both of you talked about finances before marriage and what sort of living arrangements you both going to have?

29

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

We have had long conversations about this in the past and our plans have always included his parents living with us. That part we have always been in agreement on, but his fathers illness has made him an emotional wreck. I think tht may be why hes decided to single handedly support his entire extended family.

30

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

Off topic:

Love the south park reference

31

Re: Enabling people who don't learn from their mistakes

Honestly, this is beyond ridiculous. Whatever the issue is that's causing him to act this way...this is seriously going to hurt your marriage. Him spending money on his family like you guys are rich will prevent you two from buying a home and having kids. And even if you do buy a home/have kids, the stress from money problems will only get worse and it will cause arguments/resentment in your marriage (more than what's already happened). It's one thing for him to help his parents. But for him to decide that his two sisters AND their husband are moving in with you....along with his adult brother is just ridiculous.

You two need counseling. Please find someone who will help your husband cope with his emotions about his father's illness AND help the two of you communicate better. You're spending thousands and thousands of dollars on his family. For once, use your hard earned money to help your own marriage. Get a counselor and sort this out before it spirals out of control.

32

Re: Enabling people who don’t learn from their mistakes

Leave your job…
Make him only person to earn and bring money. :hmmm:
You were suggested before that increase your family… now You will support his sister’s family… I am not against to support her for a month or two… but supporting for master and etc is questionable.

33

This is forever going in circles with your husband isnt it. Just be firm and stand your ground and say we will decide after we have bought a house, had a baby and are settled if we can afford to call your siblings and their spouses over and fund their education. If not just give money away to your family (ask your mum to save it for you) and say im sorry but i cant afford to fund someones masters or visa applications. Your husband honestly sounds like he needs a kick up the backside.

At this rate youl never have a house or even a child as youl constantly put yourself on the backburner to better his families life. Sorry but is his sjster jn extreme poverty? What qualifications does his Bil have that suddenly canada will allow him to fast track if that was the case why hasnt he found a way to support his wife himself and make his way abroad. Other people manage.

I dont have any sympathy and cant see how you are even being patient. This would wind me up so much. His family see you all as meal tickets. Whilst people will say money should be shared etc but why should YOU work to fund HIS families lifestyle or fund tthem to come live with you, if the shoe was on the other boot would they do the same? Highly unlikely.

From your responses it almost feels like you have given up and just accept it and blindly hand over the cash while your husband becomes the saviour. This kinda of behaviour can impact relationships negatively also!