There have been so many occasions where I have heard from someone:
“I wish I knew what to say on the spot!!!” or “I wish I would have thought of saying this to her at the time…” or “I should have given her a piece of my mind right there and then!”
These folks often feel that they have either lost an opportunity to put someone in their place or let themselves down by not having the guts to speak out when they could have.
I just wanted to point out that the same situation could be viewed not as a shortcoming but a strength of character.
For example, in another thread someone said:
Rather than seeing this as an opportunity missed, I would advise folks that have the ability to answer but refrain from doing so to view it as a reward (sawab) earned (at best) or a sin (gunnah) avoided (at worst).
For those that would prefer to leave spirituality out of the equation, consider that restraint always builds character…no matter what you are restraining yourself from.
Muzna, in most cases I would completley agree with you, but is there a limit. If one person in your life is always negative or giving back handed comments or making you feel crappy then how long do you ignore it
Here's another example of how you can take a situation and turn it into an opportunity to empower yourself:
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i thought losing anything (personal, not personal, important, unimportant) makes you stronger, no??
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If you approach life with the attitude that nothing really belongs to you, you will never feel as if you have lost someone/thing.
There is no need to even touch upon the material aspect of this argument.....we all know that "things" really do not count in the grand scheme.
Dealing with losing someone is a lot easier when we keep in mind that all people belong to Allah and that He decides when they come and go from our lives. If we consider ourselves lucky to have enjoyed the company of an individual then we will be more focused on the experience of having known them rather than when or why they are no longer around.
hareem, yes.....a positive and grateful attitude can see you through a whole lot!
Ramsha.......agreed.....our patience is tried again and again in life; there is simply no doubt about that. Our retaliatory actions should reflect our goals......so if we are striving to become better individuals then we should constantly be trying to improve. Every single time that we hold back, we have improved ourselves a little more.
If I were to give an ideal example then consider our beloved prophet (saw).......how often and to what degree did he exercise restraint? We may never reach that state, but we can try.
One more thing.......you mentioned that "there is a limit".....I can't remember but I think there was a thread recently that discussed "limits of tolerance". I believe that since everyone has their own measure for "limit" that it is a changeable marker....meaning that your limit may be at 5 when you are a teenager and 10 when you are in your thirties. This would suggest that your limit is in your control.
why you wanna leave everything upto Allah? HE gave you a voice, common sense, opinion and* opportunity *to clear up some matters by yourself then why won't you?? .....i say muster up some courage and standup for yourself..... if you don't you are hurting your self esteem ... and thats the weakness of your character.
I admit that I do think that very often--that I wish I had said this or that and I still believe that there's always a point where one can (and should) tolerate negativity.
I can think of so many times when I wish I had said something but I chose to keep quiet...rather, vent to others and chose not confront the person, mostly out of fear...
Was it worth it? Some of those times it was worth it to keep quiet....and other times it wasn't.
why you wanna leave everything upto Allah? HE gave you a voice, common sense, opinion and* opportunity *to clear up some matters by yourself then why won't you?? .....i say muster up some courage and standup for yourself..... if you don't you are hurting your self esteem ... and thats the weakness of your character.
I am not suggesting that you leave everything up to Allah. I am simply referring to negativity. I prefer to let negativity take its own path rather than to contribute to its' strength.
If someone attacks me and I retaliate then what have I accomplished?
I refuse to accept that ill-begotten self esteem will serve to strengthen my character in any way at all.
There have been so many occasions where I have heard from someone:
"I wish I knew what to say on the spot!!!" or "I wish I would have thought of saying this to her at the time....." or "I should have given her a piece of my mind right there and then!"
These folks often feel that they have either lost an opportunity to put someone in their place or let themselves down by not having the guts to speak out when they could have.
I just wanted to point out that the same situation could be viewed not as a shortcoming but a strength of character.
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This is how I see/deal with it..... I do not dignify catty comments with a response !
Its not always what you "said" that could have been effective but what you "din't say".........in fact many a time SILENCE can be a better response to a "perceived dig" than allowing oneself to be "PROVOKED"......
Most people who usually make those kinda remarks are looking for a "reaction" , so not giving them the satisfaction of being provoked does the trick way better than stooping to their petty level.....especially considering its always their "inferiority complex" talking ...So why let their negativity affect you ?
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no fair!
