I had a long converstation with a good friend today. We were discussing how there are people who have a hard time expressing emotions, especially in our cullture. I was telling him about my Dad and how stoic he was. It was the way he was raised, and losing his own father at a young age and being pushed into the real world as a teenager. He started working at an early age. When I was growing up, he was never one to hug or express too many emotions (though he did love to laugh and make jokes). But as he grew older he became a bit softer, especially after he had once fallen and fractured his hip. It took him a long time to recover, but being dependant on others was not easy for him. In that time something in him changed and he became much more affectionate. I was in the States when it happened and went back for about a month to be with him through his operation and initial recovery. When I was leaving to come back, he hugged me and started to cry. It was the first time he cried like that when I was leaving.
Anyway, I digress, but my friend and I were discussing how showing emotions (especially for men) is almost a stigma in the desi community. Men are supposed to surpress their emotions and if one shows them, it is almost perceived as a sign of weakness. I used to be somewhat like my Dad too, but around the age of 17 I changed. I had no problems expressing my thoughts or feelings and being open with them with the right person. I was also talking to my friend about a girl I know who is like that (so not just talking about guys, but it’s usually us) but that’s a whole other story for another time.
But do people still think of showing emotions (especially for men) to be a sign of weakness, or do you feel it’s a non issue these days?
First time I ever saw the hubs cry is when our oldest was born...prior to that, i'd never seen him ever shed a tear or get emotional during our multiple miscarriages, my surgeries, and the IVF procedures..but the second The Boy came into this world, hubs was bawling....
Only other time (other than the twins' birth) I've seen him break down is when my parents passed away.....
I think to a certain extent, yes , it may come off as a sign of weakness, for men to show emotion like women do freely. I don't agree with that though. I think it's a healthy release for both sexes. Internalizing feelings only leads to stress and usually manifests itself in some sort of physical ailment or illness.
I hope I can raise my boys to be comfortable enough in their own skin to be able to show emotion without feeling weak.
I think in a family dynamics with rigid roles - man is head of the family (irrespective of one or both working), men do tend to be more stoic and aware oftheir role. With the dynamics being more fluid, there is ample room for the man to let his guard down and express his emotions and feelings.
I had a long converstation with a good friend today. We were discussing how there are people who have a hard time expressing emotions, especially in our cullture. I was telling him about my Dad and how stoic he was. It was the way he was raised, and losing his own father at a young age and being pushed into the real world as a teenager. He started working at an early age. When I was growing up, he was never one to hug or express too many emotions (though he did love to laugh and make jokes). But as he grew older he became a bit softer, especially after he had once fallen and fractured his hip. It took him a long time to recover, but being dependant on others was not easy for him. In that time something in him changed and he became much more affectionate. I was in the States when it happened and went back for about a month to be with him through his operation and initial recovery. When I was leaving to come back, he hugged me and started to cry. It was the first time he cried like that when I was leaving.
Anyway, I digress, but my friend and I were discussing how showing emotions (especially for men) is almost a stigma in the desi community. Men are supposed to surpress their emotions and if one shows them, it is almost perceived as a sign of weakness. I used to be somewhat like my Dad too, but around the age of 17 I changed. I had no problems expressing my thoughts or feelings and being open with them with the right person. I was also talking to my friend about a girl I know who is like that (so not just talking about guys, but it's usually us) but that's a whole other story for another time.
But do people still think of showing emotions (especially for men) to be a sign of weakness, or do you feel it's a non issue these days?
One cannot say this as a rule that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
**
Controlling emotions is the sign of strength.**
There is time when emotions need to be shown and there are times when they need to be suppressed or reduced.
It also depends on the type of emotions.
When and which type of emotion needs to be expressed is a learned art.
The best to have ever lived, Rasulullah SAW, used to cry over the death of his Companions (RA). In fact, he'd cry over his first wife, Khadijah (RA), long after she had died. So, it's not a sign of weakness.
[QUOTE]
But do people still think of showing emotions (especially for men) to be a sign of weakness, or do you feel it's a non issue these days?
[/QUOTE]
Yes....... it IS considered a weakness........by almost everyone.
Yes it is considered a sign of weakness. I think it's because of the role men have to play in our culture and our society has left being emotional up to women.
But I think it's important to recognize your emotions and express them, otherwise you only hurt yourself.
Yes, expressing emotions is not considered very 'manly' and is generally looked down upon. However, that is not something limited to desi culture. In some respects, gender norms can be less rigorous for desis. For example, most American men wouldn't be caught dead watching lovey-dovey romantic comedies or musicals. In contrast, in desi culture, there is no stigma attached to men watching 2.5 hours of colorful song-and-dance feasts that characterize most Bollywood movies.
^At least you got that. I've never had a hug to this day.
My dad has only ever cried (and not in front of us), when my dadi (bless her) passed away. My brother's pretty much the same.
The way we've been brought us, all of us don't really express our feelings much, we're quite conservative in keeping our emotions to ourselves.
