I am very worried about my Uni Adviser … they appear unable to maintain eye contact or conversation I think they avoid me.
I think they hate me. :-o
Obviously an impossibility for anyone of any emotional intelligence. How do I make them realise my wonderfulness and reconcile them to the fact they in actuality do nothing less than appreciate me wholly? (As this is key to a positive reference. )
I have admittedly harranged them for nigh on three years and forged many mountainous molehills.
I do however wave enthusiastically whenever I see them enter/leave the building and punctuate it with a “HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” and smile maniacally.
If that is not enough to foster good relations I don’t know what is.
Tell me.
Thanks.
This is categorically NOT career and academics related and is a direct lifestyle question about interpersonal relationships albeit painted in my particular experience.
y u want personal terms with them?is it them or a particular adviser?
well if u want to b really noticed get more active in ur uni life,giv them small ocassional tokens,ask them frequent questions.
but again whats the point?
There will be people at school, at work, in YOUR OWN family that will not like you...and they are not obligated to.
I used to teach in a hallway with three unfriendly teachers who didnt' like me from day one. And I was nothing but friendly to them. But you know what? I don't care. I'm so busy teaching, they don't cross my mind. Also, I had made several other friends so their cold attitude didn't bother me.
^I'm just giving you an example. I know people in my family (extended relatives) that are not crazy about me. And it doesn't bother me. They didn't raise me, they don't pay my bills, they don't sincerely care about me, their approval does not matter. When I meet them, I utter a polite greeting, and move on to people who I do like and who do respect me.
Your problem is insecurity. Why do you care so much if these people like you? Do you owe them something? Do they owe you anything? Do they pay your bills? There are so many other more worthy people in the world that you could be trying to become friends with....I don't understand why these few select individuals carry so much weight with you.
Love yourself. Respect yourself. And never settle for someone who doesn't respect you back. Such a person is not worth your time. Just continue being polite and friendly. But don't TRY TOO HARD to get their attention....because people can tell when you are trying too hard....and the desperation can turn them off. Confidence is more attractive. A confident individual will not be heavily depend on another imperfect person's acceptance as a sign of their own self-worth.
Also, keep in mind that some people are not uncomfortable making eye-contact. That does not mean that they have something against you or don't like u. They just don't like making too much eye-contact.
And....from personal experience....uni advisers have a very busy schedule. They are hard to get a hold of. They may be in a rush and might not have the time to have a detailed conversation. Don't take it personally. Just keep your questions to the point.
Also, it's healthy to maintain distance and give people space. If you constantly bug someone (even your closest friend/relative)....they might try to avoid you. This goes for many relationships. It's good to have some distance.
that's the good thing about uni...you don't have so much contact with your personal tutors..and its so nice to have a break from the pressure that was put on you at school...enjoy it....I'm sure you will get a good reference
while at uni i was well known not because i kept in touch with the lecturers but b'cos i was always late for lectures :whistling
enjoy how much time you have left, as it is the best expereince you will ever have, life after uni is tough...just chill
There will be people at school, at work, in YOUR OWN family that will not like you...and they are not obligated to.
I used to teach in a hallway with three unfriendly teachers who didnt' like me from day one. And I was nothing but friendly to them. But you know what? I don't care. I'm so busy teaching, they don't cross my mind. Also, I had made several other friends so their cold attitude didn't bother me.
^I'm just giving you an example. I know people in my family (extended relatives) that are not crazy about me. And it doesn't bother me. They didn't raise me, they don't pay my bills, they don't sincerely care about me, their approval does not matter. When I meet them, I utter a polite greeting, and move on to people who I do like and who do respect me.
Your problem is insecurity. Why do you care so much if these people like you? Do you owe them something? Do they owe you anything? Do they pay your bills? There are so many other more worthy people in the world that you could be trying to become friends with....I don't understand why these few select individuals carry so much weight with you.
Love yourself. Respect yourself. And never settle for someone who doesn't respect you back. Such a person is not worth your time. Just continue being polite and friendly. But don't TRY TOO HARD to get their attention....because people can tell when you are trying too hard....and the desperation can turn them off. Confidence is more attractive. A confident individual will not be heavily depend on another imperfect person's acceptance as a sign of their own self-worth.