Re: emotional detachment
i hope this article helps Sara…
Getting Through A Breakup
Whether you´re the instigator or the victim, there´s no doubt that breaking up is hard to do. The end of a relationship is a loss in every sense of the word, and the consequent mourning period is both natural and expected. But common as it may be, the art of letting go is a trade that´s nearly impossible to master. There are, however, certain measures you can take to ease the heartache incited by a love lost.
Though each ending is unique, these steps will help you on the road to your next beginning.
Stay Away From Your Ex
Difficult though it may be, think back to the beginning of your relationship. Remember the feelings you used to have every time you saw your significant other? The nerves, the excitement, the longing – all it took was a passing glance or a locking of eyes to trigger your deepest emotions and desires. Well, unless you´re fortunate enough to suffer post breakup amnesia or an instantaneous loss of attraction towards your former flame, chances are that seeing him or her still gives rise to a flood of emotions. The solution? Avoid encounters with your ex whenever possible.
It´s not uncommon to want to see your ex, whether it´s to prove how ?well? you´re doing on your own or to see if he or she is falling apart without you. But in the end, these encounters will only lead to heartbreak. Your ex will either pretend to be doing great without you, or really will be – either way, you won´t feel any better than you did before.
It seems incredibly unnatural to cut ties with someone who was an integral part of your life, whether it was for a week, a year, or a decade. But keeping in touch is easier said than done, so be aware of what you can handle – and what might only prolong the pain.
Don´t Let your Emotions Control you
After a breakup, it´s tempting to fall into an emotional rut. Rarely is a person more pessimistic or jaded than while suffering the post-relationship blues. But there is a real danger in becoming consumed with your single-again status, namely the fact that other areas of your life are bound to suffer. So rather than letting your breakup be powerful enough to bring you down, make sure the rest of your life is fulfilling enough to soften the blow.
Men and women share a common ally in the war on singledom: food. Many of us are emotional eaters and on the rocky breakup road, we can count on French fries and ice cream to be there for us. Although a binge or two can be both fun and therapeutic, feeling unattractive or out of control will only heighten your depression.
Similarly, your job can serve as either an aid or a hindrance in your time of need. If you´re happy at work, it may be just the thing to take your mind off your love life. But if your job is bringing you down, going to work will feel like cruel and unusual punishment. Though you may not be able to revive your relationship, the areas of your life you can control should serve as a decent – and enjoyable – distraction.
Let Fate Do its Work
The sounds of breakup clichés are like nails on a chalkboard when you´re the one being inundated with them by friends, family, acquaintances and complete strangers. ?It wasn´t meant to be?, ?there are lots of fish in the sea? and ?you´re better off without him? are my personal favorites, though the list is endless. You know what the most annoying thing about these smug and generalizing claims? They´re all true.
Unless you plan on dying of a broken heart or building a shrine to your ex and living in worship for all eternity, you will, at the very least, find a different fish in your particular sea. And as difficult as it is to admit the situation is out of your hands, when you finally do you´ll be that much closer to moving on.
Express Yourself
The truth is – and pardon my use of another irritating saying – these things just take time. But that doesn´t mean you shouldn´t let it all out in the meantime. In fact, a certain degree of wallowing is good for the soul. Try rocking out to your favorite breakup tunes. I recommend Nazareth´s ?Love Hurts? or ?Cryin´? by Aerosmith. These songs will help you scream your misery away.
Even a good cry or two can be cathartic for both sexes, though it may be wise to avoid romantic movies or gatherings, which will be infinitely more heart-wrenching during your mourning period.
However you choose to express yourself, make sure you do it in the right company. A friend going through similar heartache is likely to add to your despair, and a friend in a ?super? relationship will do the same. In that case, solitude might be the answer. No one has as much power to make you feel better as you do.
the art of letting go
No matter how many steps you adhere to or rules you follow, the days, weeks and months following a breakup are hard. In fact, they´re downright awful. But life really is too short to dwell forever. You´re sure to pine away for a while, but don´t let a breakup keep you down for long.
In the words of Steven Tyler, ?it´s amazing when the moment arrives that you know you´ll be alright? – and it´s closer than you think.
http://lifestyle.sympatico.msn.ca/Relationships/Articles/TS+GettingThroughABreakup.htm
.. thanks muzna n SS for stickin to the topic 
or:balley: ← this One?
are all mine 
and 