Emotional Dependence

Lifestyle Relationships
1

r u emotionally dependent on any ppl in your life? what is emotional dependence…?

the realisation that life cannot go on without that person?

is it an illusion that we assume upon ourselves? why?

does it even have anything to do with another person or is it all about the state of mind you are in? aren’t all our emotional relationships with others just states of mind that we are in?

i used to love my grandmother the most in this world…when we initially moved to our own house away from her, i used to miss her a lot and cry a lot, sometimes cry myself to sleep..there were times when i used to cry so much and wanted her with me that my parents were forced to take me to her…whenever she used to mention her “death” i used to instantly start crying…

but she passed away when i was in grade 10th…and i had always thought i would never be able to survive that…but i did …i’m alive now…her passing away left a vacuum which is never going to be filled…a part of my heart is permanently buried with her in her grave…and there r times now when i miss her so much i feel restless and dont know what to do…but i know i cant do anything…for most of the time Allah swt puts sabar in ur heart…i guess coz life has to go on…?

janay walon k saath koi khud naheen chala jaata…?

its been yrs now but not a day passes when i dont think of her. may Allah swt bless her with jannah. aameen. sum aameen…

i never thought id be able to live away from my parents, but i left home for college when i was 16. stayed in the hostel for 5 yrs. i used to miss my family. the first yr was difficult. first month i used to cry every single day. n i used to come home for breaks twice a yr every yr.

but despite all this i did study. i did participate in activities. i did make friends. i did have fun. i did laugh. yet at the back of my mind somewhere, the thought of my family not being with me was always there. something felt missing. sometimes that ehsaas was magnified, sometimes reduced lekin never absent…

but we all know that our families are not going to be with us forever…

i think of those orphans in earthquakes and wars…sometimes children below teenage…who r the sole survivors in entire families…

…

we make some close friends in our daily lives. parting with whom is painful. but one makes new friends in new surroundings. ones miss old friends too. there r times when the memories rush back. you relive the memories. but life seems to go on?

isn’t this weird? u meet people, you get close to them, you think you won’t be able to live without them…yet, one day, you find yourself in a new situation, among new people, and you seem to be.. jus fine…?

what’s the point of that companionship then? is it supposed to be so temporary? are all human relationships so dispensable?

why then, when we know this, do we feel sad when we know someone we r close to is going to leave us…or has left us…isnt this jus emotional overhead…? how come the heart and brain are not perfectly aligned … is that achievable?

sometimes i think the world was not meant to be like this. physical distances between ppl are created because of modern technology. cars. airplanes.

the human race was not mean to live like this. loved ones were sposed to all live together. and emotional attachments were not sposed to be formed between ppl who were physically very far because it was not even possible…?

hmmmmm

2

Over the years, I have molded myself to 'emotional independence'. I used to depend a lot on friends and family. But was mostly disappointed. I spent some time with my Naana Jaan who lived a good part of his life alone. Naani Amma passed away very early.

My Naana Jaan was a very independent kind of guy. He was truly self-sufficient in all departments of life. Instead of asking for emotional support, he started giving emotional support to others. In the process, he felt the satisfaction which drove his mental peace to new heights.

He died as a very content man.

3

my mom and dad mean every thing to me, but i dont share my life with them, i'm usually a very reserved person an introvert if you like, but i always resent it. There are times when i think of that day, day when my mom and dad will be no longer with me, the thought scares the living hell out of, I can't not even image how will live after that. I hope i pass away before them. I wont be able to take the pain.

4

he started giving emotional support to others

even ^^ is emotional dependence btw. u need someone to be there for u, independent of whether u r giving or taking support. nobody can be truly self-sufficient, cuz u just cant take yr own comapny for long.

5

I think for me it would be my dad.I simply feel as if without him I will cease to exist.Its the fact that no matter what happens, I can always go to my dad...and I know that as long as he's there for me...things will be fine.Iv always been close to him, even as a small child.Its hard to see that the person I always counted on, always took for granted that he would be there for me, strong and comforting......he now needs me.

6

M_Q hugz i hope inshallah your dad regains his health soon aameen sum aameen. im very very close to my dad as well… i can understand what u might be going thru… :frowning: this is life yaar…i know its tough…but i guess this is what growing up and facing your responsibilities means… be strong … and its good that you can be there for your dad… :flower1: mashallah
Allah un ko jald sehetyaabi de aameen … dont worry :slight_smile:

ghulail hmmm maybe u have a point there…

iamdead :frowning: may Allah swt give a long and healthy life to ur parents aameen

funguy may Allah swt bless your nana jaan. do you think that was his nature or perhaps it was just circumstances or maybe fate that never provided him with someone on whom he could emotionally depend since his wife had passed away so early. maybe if she had been alive he would have been a different man? hmmm. i guess we all learn to cope with circumstances in our own ways? do you really think anyone in this world is emotionally independent? its human to care for others and to want others to care for you, thats how Allah swt made us i think…if we hold back or deny ourselves sometimes i think its only because of circumstances…

7

sister irem, you bring up a very valid point. They teach us in Psychology classes that 'man is a social animal'. I guess we do depend on others for emotional support. But as Shaair-e-mashriq so eloquently puts it...(dont remember the first misraa) 'kabhi kabhi issay tanha bhi choRR dau'.

8

Yes my mom and dad means so much to me. I specially have a very close tie to my mom. Even though as life goes on, I might not need them for practical purposes like providing dinner on the table or a place to live but I just cant imagine them leaving my life. I know that day has to come one day but it does make me very sad when i think about that.

As for your last point Irem.........I also believe humans were not suppose to leave the close ties. Humans are very emotional beings and for our past ancestors, this love and feelings for others gave them the ability to live together and help each other to survive.

9

True that and as it was mentioned above that “i don’t share my life”, so i guess nobody share their lives to the fullest extent. There’s always a part of it that ur loved ones know and others don’t and then there’s always a part that others know but loved ones might not be aware of it. It’s just that no two people lead a same life under exactly same circumstances. Talking about emotional independence, i don’t it is possible or atleast that’s human nature to be social animal. For instance, as faisaljawed007 mentioned, he might not need his parents for practical purposes but it’s just a sense of comfort and satisfaction that they are around. My story goes on the same as irem’s except that i’ve spent lesser time in this world, but yeah…that special ahsaas of having someone by your side is just satisfying enough to go out and do what u would like to. And irem mentioned that relationships were not supposed to be formed between people physically living so far away, so again it’s just that ahsaas that make you closer and dedicated. and even if ur loved one passes away or not there for you anymore, you weep for sometime and time heals it. Although you don’t forget em but you learn to live without em. You just seek new friends and live with them.

janay walon k saath koi khud naheen chala jaata…?

RIGHT ONN!!! :k:

10

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
sister irem, you bring up a very valid point. They teach us in Psychology classes that 'man is a social animal'. I guess we do depend on others for emotional support. But as Shaair-e-mashriq so eloquently puts it...(dont remember the first misraa) 'kabhi kabhi issay tanha bhi choRR dau'.
[/QUOTE]

Acha/behtar hai dil kay paas rahay paas banay aql
Laikin kabhi kabhi isay tanha bhi chor do (someone can correct me)

11

hmmm i dont think so, if it wasnt suppose to be like this then it wouldnt be called dependence i guess, we would have a choice..n I never really had a chance to be away from anyone i was this attached to until now, other the few months i spent without my dad but half of em i was like so sick i was basically unconscious…n now i spent like only seven days with someone, but nothings the same anymore n i know it never will be..theres this feeling of something missing and errrmmm a weird emptyness even though i talk to him like everyday :blush: but like whenever i go somewhere, i want him there..whenever i taste somethign i liek, i want him to taste it n errmmm stuff like that

12

ofcourse we in every stage of our lives needs someone for the moral support but the thing is that why do we take these people for granted. i mean that i have always been very close to my mother but never had the same closeness with my dad. but now after seeing them getting old it feels like they depend on me, being the eldest, more than i depend on them. it kind of feels really good that the amount of tarbiat my parents did to me is paying off. but seriosly my problem is that whenever i see a picture of my parents and start thinking that they are getting old i just can't take it. i have seen my grandparents pass away and my parents coping with that and tell all of us that life does go on. but it is difficult to realize that they won't be there for me or with me forever ......

may Allah bless all the parents and everyone of us...

13

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Minerva: *

Acha/behtar hai dil kay paas rahay paasbaan-e-aql
Laikin kabhi kabhi isay tanha bhi chor do

FG this doesn't not apply to your situation. This has got nothing to do ith being social, depending on others or becoming completely independent. It merely means that one should follow his/her hearts desires without listening to reason at times too.

14

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Minerva: *

Acha/behtar hai dil kay paas rahay paas banay aql
Laikin kabhi kabhi isay tanha bhi chor do (someone can correct me)
[/QUOTE]

Laazim hay dil k paas rehay paasban-e-Aql
lekin kabhee kabhee isay tanhaa bhi choR day!

n funguy i think 'shaair-e-mashriq' ka neheen , yeh Haalee ka she'r hay!

15

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
Instead of asking for emotional support, he started giving emotional support to others. In the process, he felt the satisfaction which drove his mental peace to new heights.

He died as a very content man.
[/QUOTE]

There's this song that I used to listen to alot...it goes something like this:

tum baysahara ho tau
kissi ka sahara banno
tumko apnay aap hi sahara mill ja'ay ga

kashti koi doobti poncha do
kinaray pay
tumko apnay aap hi kinara mill ja'ay ga

I truly believe in this. It works.