elders passing away

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Over the last 10 years, the people I grew up around are slowly leaving this world. My nani passed away when i was a kid, and then one of my cousins in a bike accident but those were untimely deaths. since then we had no deaths in immediate family for over a decade. I grew up among my elders and benefitted from their guidance and love. in early 90’s I lost my tayya in 92 and then my khaloo and mumani to heart disease in 94, and 97, phuppa in late 98 and since then there was a a little bit of calm, now within last 2.5 years my daadi, eldest tayya, eldest mamoon and a phuppa passed away.

Its just strange seeing all these elders that I grew up with just slowly go. Someone said that this is like layers of an onion, the protective layers dry up and fall, leaving the next layer to protect its next layer and dry up and fall too.

I remember the last words from some of my now departed relatives.
My phuppa who had been very ill was a very reserved man, very kid but reserved, last time I met him was 99 in Pakistan, when i was leaving he gave me a big hug and said “baita, take care of yourself, do good..agar zindagi rahee toh phir milain gaye” I felt like I was seeing him for the last time, but then i came back and got busy..he was very ill but put up a great fight and exceeded the life expectancy that the docs had for him. I had even forgotten how ill he was until he just passed away last week.

My last memory of my tayya is in LA and him telling me that my dad had told him that I am very good at maalish and his legs hurt, so I was pressing his legs and we were talking about his days in college.. I was a junior in college then and he was giving me tons of advices on how to prepare myself for the real world. This was in december..I was going to go see him next year around the same time and he passed away 2 weeks before i was going to go visit.

My mamoon, Last memory I have of him is at a party in Pakistan in 99. This was Ramadan and he was leaving for taraveeh. I saw him from a distance leaving and I called his name and started making my way towards him, he just raised his hand waved bye and motioned me to sit back down with my friends. which i did..I was unable to see him before I left and a few months after I came back he had passed away. His wife had passed away in 94, I had seen her at my place a few days before I left, she had asked me to drop by before i leave, and i was plannign to go see her teh day of my flight but due to traffic got so late that I just thought i would call her. I got back to US and a few weeks later she passed away.

In 99, i was able to see my daadi. she was as sweet and loving as always. she had met my wife for teh first time then, her parting words for us were stay happy and keep each other happy. She had been ill and bene to hospital several times then, and even after that but always came back strong. 2 years ago. it was sudden but she just went.

another phuppa of mine who cared for me deeply to a point all his friends knew me and he always told ppl how proud he was of me. I remember he drove from canada with my phuppi to come meet me out of the blue, and even though i was seeing him just after a lapse of a few months, he seemed very weak. Shortly after that visit he passed away and I cant help but wonder that he knew he did not have much time.

I have always been the type to comfort my cousins and others when things like these happen, always been known as the strong dependable type, talking to them helping them deal with it..hardly ever crying.

I miss them all today.. i really miss them..so much

2

Fraudia Bhai,

Life goes on and so do we all. You should be happy that you were able to cherish their lives and experiences. There are many who don't even know their elders and they go on with their lives as if it's nothing important. I have met my Khala only once or twice in life, and don't remember meeting my khaloo. Even though in their letters they always ask about me from my parents as if they know me through & through. I wish maybe one day I can pay them a visit.

:-)

3

I've had to deal with my all my biological grandparents passing away over the last few years. I only met two of them, but I remember the last thing my dada asked was why I didnt spend more time with him on my trip to Pakistan, which was just crushing. However I felt good that while I was there I got to fan him in the heat, while he talked or just sat quiet and that will surely be a lasting memory for me.

I remember my nana telling tales of the military escapades he had during WWII, and how proud he was of the fact that he always had food on-hand. Quite an amusing and charming personality.

I miss all of them so much, but I know that one day I will be reunited in a large family reunion in the skies above. I dont look at it as a departure from me, but rather I look at is as if they have taken a vacation from me/here, and in some years I shall meet their smiling faces again, because their memories live with me every day. smile

4

i've been thinking the same thing for the past few years. The only death i've had in my immediate family has been my dada. That was back in 86 or 87. He was a big smoker. I was in pakistan in 2001 december for my wedding, met everyone there. I think that is probably the last time I will see them all togather. I hope it is not, but, odds are against it. My grandparents are not getting any younger. As for other relatives, they're not that old. I think my father is the oldest at around 54. I just pray everyone gets a good long life..

5

teary eyes

reminded me of the time i spent with all my elders who passed away in the last ten years. still miss them so much. i adored my dadi and still cry thinking about her. she was the most kind and loving person i've ever met. my dadi and nani became very close friends after my parents got married. people find it strange to this day. my nani stayed over day before dadi died. nani still miss her so much.
funny but me and my brother are more close to my relatives at my dadi side than my nani :)

ahhh. i think i am crying again.. will post more later.

6

OOoh god, this is weird!
I was at work today and was thinking about my grandparents. That very rarely happens. I never really knew them and all of them passed away in the past 10 years, except my dada jaan.
A very strong man, that is how I always remembered him untill I saw him last year. He was nothing like the strong dadajaan in my memory. He was weak and so very old. He had been sick.
I never know what to say to him and I always envied my sister (who he so darely loves) because she did know how to talk to him, what to say to him. I just sat in his room, stared at him while he was sleeping.
sigh He cried so much while watching my sisters weddingmovie. His eldest grandchild was getting married and he couldn’t be there. :frowning:

I don’t know if I will ever see him again. Inshallah I will! Cuz this time I am going to talk to him, about anything and everything.

:flower1:

7

Quite an emotional post Fraudz. thank god I don't love any of my relatives..infact this is how the conversation goes among us

BoSS: See you in Hell Khaloo
Khaloo: Don't forget to bring your phupha..it ain't fun flirting with devils without him.
PhuphaR: I'll wait for Angelina joli do die..What am I gonna do in hell without her..

ciao
BoSS-one-loving-family

8

Yeah Boss

I dunno why I was thinking of them so much today. We have a very close knit family and in my case its also a bit diff because I spent time in pakistan alone as a teenager with the supervision of my elders some of whom I mentioned, and same in US when I came here my relatives who were here really took care of me as their own.

My phuppa who drove to see me just a bit before his death actually had my pictures and 2-3 other nieces and newphews pics in his family pics collages in his home.

plus we had a good times with them also..

here is a story that will make you smile and freeze at the same time. My eldest mamoon was visiting us in KSA, he was looking for some work and stayed with us for some time, he was my roomie, another mamoon who is still there was my roomie also when he came to KSA. I learnt all oldies songs from him since he used to play them on his stereo often.

anyways, sop there is some construction going on in our house with marble tiles being changed, boxes with new stuff all packaged in foam blocks..all this extra stuff was play material for us. anyways my youngest brother who was about 4 at that time was mad at my mamoon for some reason.

..mamoon was teasing him and my bro disappeared for a bit and came back with a block of foam in his hand and threatened mamoon with the block of foam...mamoon chuckled and bowed his head and offered him the target while mocking him..

My bro then smashed the piece of marble on mamoon's head :)

probably one of the only cases where a 4 year old sent a 6'2" 200lb man to the ER ;)

P.S. there are some people in my family whom i dont like much also. I did not mention my last memories of them here because they were not always good ones..e.g. my eldest taya throwing a huge temper tantrum at the same reception for me where i saw my mamoon for the last time. My tayya creating a scene is my last memory of him, and even though i mentioned him as one of the elders who passed away in thsi post. I was never really close to him.

9

Its destiny and we all are a part of it :-(