ek sawaal !!!!!!

salaam Guys/ Gals,

Hope everyone is doing well, khair guys i had this question in ma mind for a while and i have had this discussion with ma parents a few times and it makes no sense to me, n e ways after much stupidities and mistake i want to settle down in life, I am 25 years old , MashaAllah finally now completed my studies and have a decent job with a multi national firm in toronto, and recently a friend of mine who plays on my cricket team who is 3 yrs younger got officially engaged, so i finally popped the question and told my mom key i wanna get married and start looking as after the last fiasco i promised myself key koi aur panga nahi karoonga, n e ways when i asked my mom she gave me 10 reasons why i shouldnt now and should wait for 2-3 yrs till i am able to buy my own property and so on and that this is a new job and i should concentrate on career and so on, and i was like khair theek hai why don`t you find someone and get us engaged and give us a year or so to know each other and in the mean while i will try to build and stabilize myself, that was a str8 NO from both parents as they said long engagements dont last and that in my case they want CHATT MANGNI PATT BEYA, but i think getting engaged prior to marriage is a good idea even for a couple of months as that gives the guy and the girl sometime to know each other and make an informed decision cuz in the end in donon ney saath rehna hai. So what is your take on this, do u support prior engagement or seedhee shaadi. As per me i would like to know a lil bout the gal and let her know bout me b4 we get married cuz i don want pangay after shaadi and thus i support engagement.

Re: ek sawaal !!!!!!

i think you should do what you're comfortable with. your reasoning is sound and i agree- i think couples need time to get to know each other. after all, what is there to hide in an engagement period? the couple will get to know each other and at least have a cleaner "out" if they don't really feel like they're compatible, compared to getting married, finding out they don't really like each other but are stuck for life. maybe the reasoning is that it'll force them to work on their issues once they're married? i dunno.

i'd say hold out to your parents for an engagement period of at least 6 months to a year, and good luck!

thanks SGC, i am at a point in life where i think i need someone and instead of getting into relationship and again upsetting ma parents and family is not somin i wanna do, in other words i want someone with ma parents consent but at the same time i wanna know what i am getting myself into as well and engagement seems like a good route towards dat.

Re: ek sawaal !!!!!!

dear topic starter.....i am strongly against "mangni" as it is not supported by our religion....but i do understand that couples should be given sometime so they can understand each other and decide some things before marriage and for that we can do nikah and wait a lil and do the actuall ceremony.....

I have seen so many cases where after engagement due to minor misunderstanding they broke the engagement......

I AGREE with mangnee being not supported in islam but by suggesting a Nikkah you mean that if things dont work out so we will be known as DIVORCEES ?

Re: ek sawaal !!!!!!

I think it depends on the maturity of the people involved.

If you are the type that walks away from a relationship after you get bored or there is a small problem then I would say an engagement is not a good route for you. You WILL walk away.

However, if you are mature and can honestly committ to cultivating a relationship then an engagement will be no problem for you. :)

Re: ek sawaal !!!!!!

Parents say that long engagements don't last - I am sure they have statistics to back up their claims - but I don't agree with it. I think it's better to find the spouse and get to know him/her before you get married. You don't have to get engaged, but you must get to know her.

Also, do your parents have someone in mind or do they have to start finding a girl for you? If they don't have someone in mind, then they should start finding now even if you want to get married after a year. Why? Because there is no guarantee how long it will take to find the right girl. It can take a month, or it can take more than a year. So let's say that your mom says you should get married in 09 and she starts looking for the girl in 09, if it takes a year to find the girl, it's already 2010. Do you see what I am trying to say? So she needs to start looking now and then discuss with the family when the marriage takes place.

These kind of things take some time.

Re: ek sawaal !!!

i wish yeh sab tum meree amma sey kehtay :hehe:

PSQUARED i dont think i have issues with commitment and all as well as i am not the kinda person who walks away from relationships,

SHIKRAY wazzzzz happenin bro, looooooong time, n e ways i whole heartedly agree wid u but the problem is my amma has a cousin in mind and i said NO str8 and thus the reasons for delaying as she is upset at that, but my only condition or request is that key " LARKEE AMMA KEE AUR DAD KEE PASAND KEE HOGEE AAND I WILL HAVE NO ISSUES OTHER THAN A COUSIN" i am not marrying any of my cousins period. And that has been the major issue.

Either you have taken overdose of religion or you are not mature enough to engage in this discussion.
There is nothing wrong about mangnee/engagement. Come on nikhah is ultimate in conjugal relationships you cannot have a nikha just to check each other out and then if things do not workout go for a divorce :hayaa:

Re: ek sawaal !!!

:salam:

If you feel you should get married now & you can support a family Then you should.

I personally don’t like the engagement before marriage kind of thing.
Once your parents select the girl for you, do istikhara & decide accordingly.& :insh:everything will turn out to be ok.
May Allah(wt) help you in this important decision of yours.Ameen

Re: ek sawaal !!!!!!

getting to know phase is crap before nikkah , my two cents .

Re: ek sawaal !!!!!!

I think its actually quite a humble request on your part towards your parents and decent too that you want to get engaged and you're not pushing marriage immediately, you want to get to know the person. You are giving them too much leeway anyway, by letting them choose the person for you, the least you deserve is your one wish being granted because at the end of the day, that is the person YOU will live your life with until death, and its a LONG LONG road. I wouldn't marry a stranger, no way!

Re: ek sawaal !!!!!!

wowww . was that an essay ya a question ... well i hope u get the answer you are looking for .. but i cudnt read that much .. :)