Recently my husband was admitted in hospital for some minor investigative procedures. He ended up in hospital longer than we had expected, which was upsetting for me but what was overwhelming was the reaction of the community when they learned about his ailment. To start with news of his hopitalization was announced in Jummah prayers ( my husband is a regular there). What followed was a a constant flow of well wishers flocking to the hospital to see the patient (who was in ICU and not allowed visitors). It was hard for me to keep them from seeing him. The climax came when Maulvi saab himself with his entourage of chamchas in full desi attire (shalwaar above the ankles, kurta and ‘pagri’) breezed in and insisted on praying ‘dum’ over the patient. I realize the intentions were good, but my husband was just getting stressed out seeing so many people. I was overwhelmed to see this outpouring of concern and love but I could not make them understand that such distrubance was not good for the patient, without hurting their feelings. It felt really good that so many people cared, but how does one tell them that when the authorities say ‘no visitors allowed’ they actually mean it?? And need I even talk about the goodies that were brought in for the patient…boxes of candy, halwa, chicken ka saalan and so on…everything on the ‘forbidden foods’ list. Guess who ended up feasting on those things..yours truly. When my husband was discharged from hospital, he had lost weight, but I am still struggling to lose the poundage I put on trying to oblige our desi do-gooders. Despite everything I do appreciate their love and concern. Desis rule..long live the desi culture.
Excellent Antidote. I think everyone should have this kind of balance and appreciation of different cultural norms. If it is not too much a hassle, may be you can send some “leftovers” to me. I will even go as far as saying that Desi food has no substitute on this planet. It should not be on “forbidden list” for patients. When I am sick or admitted (god forbid) in a hospital, I am going to eat as much Mithai and Masalay-Dar Food as possible. Doctors these day know nothing.
Hope your hubby is recovered now, and hope that he can enjoy those "Forbidden" goodies.
Antidote, I hope your hubby is well recovered and back home with his family.
I went through a similar experience last week when my wife had a surgery and was admitted to the hospital for overnight. We knew about the procedure and did not tell anyone but only our close family and friends but still too many people showed up in the hospital for her one day stay there. I was bombarded by phone calls, eager to know all the details, what, why, how, howcome?...hard to explain to these wellwishers that please we are fine.....just don't ask more questions:)
On top of that I have many family members visiting and staying with us just taking care of my dear wife. My mom, her mom and her sister etc....Now that she is recovering and in good health, these ladies are practically having a party at my home when I am away at work:)
Since this procedure was regarding the reproductive system, there is so much information these ladies have to share with each other on the subject. When I go home lunchtime, I wish I have 'rooN' in my ears and I usually try to pretend I am not hearing anything. Both the moms are trying to impress each other, who takes care better! Making good desi food for the patient..which I end up eating....halwa, kheer, poorian etc..... :)
My mom and I are constantly arguing over the right of privacy and "giving-a-breather" when it comes to fulfilling the desi formalitites. She likes to visit the sick, the recent arrivals of pakistan, the recent-what-not! Where as I like to give them time to settle down -both sick and recent arrivals- and pay my homages at a later time. I guess I need to be more sensitive to this according to mummy!!
It also depends on the expectations of the people on the other side. I agree more with Ghalib's approach and have had to argue for it in past. In one case where I decided to let people have some breathing room and just to let them know I was there if any help was needed...I was labelled as a stuck up and uncaring snob who has become too "gora"
After that incident I have become a bit careful and have graduated to actually managing people's expectations better.
It can be a win-win situation if you play the cards right otherwise...
NYA, CMA Thanks a lot for asking after my husband..he is doing well and will be going back to work soon (inshallah).
NYA..I would gladly share the goodies with you, except that there is nothing left to share. I became greedy (and there is a reason for that..I was under stress and the aroma of the rich desi food was too much to resist)...I pigged out big time on the 'Channa ki dal ka halwa' and kheer not to mention all those entrees that were so painstakingly prepared by my very caring 'Aunties'. The result is an overweight ME. I am paying for my over-indulgence now. Next time I get these freebees, I promise I'll share them with you NYA..I only hope its not another sickness that is going to touch the soft caring nerve of the Aunties to get them to whip up their favorite recipes to cheer me up. I hope they think of me at Eid time, over long weekends etc etc.
Fraudia and Ghalib,
It is hard to decide when you are imposing on someone (esp. if that someone is a Desi), and when you are genuinely being a help and are welcome company. Play it by the ear I'd say...see people's reaction and then decide on your next move.
Lucky or unlucky me, last time I was in the hospital, I got one kind e-mail and when I went back to work, my colleagues looked at me with surprise and said "You survived?"
However, I did have an experience on the other end. That is, to be one of the well-wishers. I pretty much did what Fraudia did. Since it was back in Pakistan in 1997, while I was visiting home after 5 years, I assume everybody considered me 'cold' to begin with so people were not expecting too much anyway.
But come on, I think people should be reasonable enough on not to insist to see the patient at least and try to make their presence known. And on the other side of it, I think a phone call or answering machine message in such a situation should be considered as fulfilling good intentions as well.
Chann ji,
My deep sympathies on putting that 'rooN' in the ear and envy on gulping that food down all by yourself.