Education, a help or a hindrance?

[Sehrah]

So basically I have a friend who’s in her late 30’s now and she’s not married. Her father is a really old family friend and mashAllah, she’s really educated and is now a high up medical research scientist and earns a lot of money. She was one of my inspirations when I was at high school and college.

But she’s still not married, I feel now she’s just given up. Her father is really protective and doesn’t want her to end up with some guy who will make her work and depend on her wage but in the UK for some weird reason Pakistani girls do better in education than the guys so you always see weird marriages of a female Dr marrying an estate agent etc She was almost engaged once but her father wasn’t happy because the guy ran his father’s taxi business and some other small businesses.

Now my parents have a prospective guy for her, this time the guy has been to University but he’s been married before, do you think it’s acceptable for her to lower her expectations, I feel that her father will again just flat out say no, which is why no one has said anything…

Also what do you think of really educated women, should they marry men less educated than them or should women expect their husband’s wage and education to be higher than theirs?

[system]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

Education is never a hindrance; for man or woman. Pakistanis need to stop the general stereotyping that women must be married by 25 at the latest for some retarded reason. And personally no they should not. Always marry an equal or else it will be a difficult period.

[Ghost14]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

Education for people should be similar. Even if degree levels are not equivalent, some people just like to read etc and have a broad outlook. Basically, if a guy/girl is into trash tv etc exclusively, don't marry them to a book worm. So if the guy is equivalent to her, that's not an issue.

As far as salary goes, a lot of guys can't handle their wife out earning them. I'm not talking a little bit, but if he's say, working class and she's a Dr, it might cause issues. Obviously if he's going to mooch off her, that's just a pass.

Why do you say marrying a divorced guy is a step down? Granted it's not ideal but you should meet the guy and see what he's like. Who knows, maybe he was married to a psycho.

[Sara516]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

Well, ultimately what matters is if the guy has a good character and the couple is compatible....

also as much as we like to say our society is retarded and all in this regard, late 30s and unmarried isn't no big deal....the older you get, the less likely you are to find someone who will match your exact specifications....so, no, lowering standards isn't as bad as ppl say it to be, esp when the standards are way out there to begin with.

As per your original question, no education is not a hindrance.

[Reha]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

So basically I have a friend who's in her late 30's now and she's not married. Her father is a really old family friend and mashAllah, she's really educated and is now a high up medical research scientist and earns a lot of money. She was one of my inspirations when I was at high school and college.

But she's still not married, I feel now she's just given up. Her father is really protective and doesn't want her to end up with some guy who will make her work and depend on her wage but in the UK for some weird reason Pakistani girls do better in education than the guys so you always see weird marriages of a female Dr marrying an estate agent etc She was almost engaged once but her father wasn't happy because the guy ran his father's taxi business and some other small businesses.

Now my parents have a prospective guy for her, this time the guy has been to University but he's been married before, do you think it's acceptable for her to lower her expectations, I feel that her father will again just flat out say no, which is why no one has said anything...

Also what do you think of really educated women, should they marry men less educated than them or should women expect their husband's wage and education to be higher than theirs?

Education is not a hindrance unless you make it one. You can either use it to open up your mind to different possibilities OR you can use it to limit yourself from experiencing the most interesting people. Its upto you what you make of it.

Everything in moderation. Holding out for someone that is right for you is great. But passing up nice people because they arent as educated as you...is not so great. That is wasting time and life.

You have to consider how different girls have it from boys. Most girls I know of have the luxury of simply continuing their education after bachelors without a hiccup. They have families supporting them. Most men go straight to work after completing bachelors and support their families. They will go back to school for post grad work once they've worked a few years. So is it fair to expect the man to be as educated as the woman? He has work experience and that should count for something.

Marrying someone divorced is not lowering your standards. Someone said that to me once. This guy who had never been married...he claimed to like me but was afraid of what his family would say as I was divorced. Then, he said he didnt want to disappoint them. Thats when I said bu-bye to him. Thinking you're lowering your standards is already starting off on the wrong foot. Everyone has baggage in one shape or another. Its a relationship for some people or an overprotective father for some. If the man cannot be taken for who he is today...right now...just the way he is with no editing or future plans to "fix him"...then he should not be considered. If his divorce makes him less of a person or a disappointment or a not-so-great-of-a-catch...then dont even suggest him.

As for the part of women marrying less educated men than them. Well, its all about personality and how open minded people are. Some people without a degree are far more wise and knowledgeable than those with a degree. I know some very jaahil people that have been awarded masters degrees too. I know some very jaahil people who have never seen the face of an educational institution...4th grade and thats it. If he is a good guy, has a decent job, is friendly and still isnt pining after his ex-wife........he should be considered.

Remember: bad things happen to good people too.

[poppies]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

Sehrah .. u wil find many women in your friends circumstances:crying:

[NomiCA]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

… STANDARDS…make me laugh all the time…

another aging woman…bechari… suffering from the ‘the one’ syndrome…expectations expectations expectations…and nothing to offer

OP..your friend needs to see reality…she is earning a lot…and she don’t want to share it with her future husband…for that the husband needs to be richer/more educated than her…if she keeps delaying it…she will get older n older n richer n richer…decreasing the possible options (which are already very very limted)

[Jaanwar]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

Having standards is not a bad thing, but in your friend's case it seems a bit much. Personally I don't think her dad is doing her a favour by being so overly protective. Well, good luck finding her a rocket scientist.

[diamond321]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

Education is not a hindrance unless you make it one. You can either use it to open up your mind to different possibilities OR you can use it to limit yourself from experiencing the most interesting people. Its upto you what you make of it.

Everything in moderation. Holding out for someone that is right for you is great. But passing up nice people because they arent as educated as you...is not so great. That is wasting time and life.

You have to consider how different girls have it from boys. Most girls I know of have the luxury of simply continuing their education after bachelors without a hiccup. They have families supporting them. Most men go straight to work after completing bachelors and support their families. They will go back to school for post grad work once they've worked a few years. So is it fair to expect the man to be as educated as the woman? He has work experience and that should count for something.

Marrying someone divorced is not lowering your standards. Someone said that to me once. This guy who had never been married...he claimed to like me but was afraid of what his family would say as I was divorced. Then, he said he didnt want to disappoint them. Thats when I said bu-bye to him. Thinking you're lowering your standards is already starting off on the wrong foot. Everyone has baggage in one shape or another. Its a relationship for some people or an overprotective father for some. If the man cannot be taken for who he is today...right now...just the way he is with no editing or future plans to "fix him"...then he should not be considered. If his divorce makes him less of a person or a disappointment or a not-so-great-of-a-catch...then dont even suggest him.

As for the part of women marrying less educated men than them. Well, its all about personality and how open minded people are. Some people without a degree are far more wise and knowledgeable than those with a degree. I know some very jaahil people that have been awarded masters degrees too. I know some very jaahil people who have never seen the face of an educational institution...4th grade and thats it. If he is a good guy, has a decent job, is friendly and still isnt pining after his ex-wife........he should be considered.

Remember: bad things happen to good people too.

very well said !

[hareem01]

Re: Education, a help or a hindrance?

Nice reply Reha and Ghost.