Re: Educating parents
AnsooN, my relationship with my parents is not exemplery. I have had my arguments and rebellions. Me or my parents are not perfect and ammi and i sometimes fight like sautans, lekin by the time I thought I was old enuff to properly judge what is right or wrong my parents were much older and hence more rigid. I think it will be very selfish if I ask my ammi to change her views at her age. Ans so every thing I do in life now, I think about its impact on my family.
Re: Educating parents
Oh God my parents are quite lib, its the siblings that have taken an about turn towards religion and the problem is the other way round.
Re: Educating parents
Ashtray, we all do think about that as well. I am not sure which context are you taking this "educating your parents" thing but let me give u a simple example.
My parents are of the view that guys should marry girls atleast 5 years younger than them. Now, if they could find any good reason why this should be other than the fact that girls mature faster than guys, then i would have no issues with it. But the fact is that it DOES NOT matter yet this is a cultural (traditional) thing that they are draging and making it a huge issue.
If i tell my parents that I have xyz reasons that make my opinion different from them then I am sure i am not really disobeying them rather i am just telling them my view on it and why i dont' agree with them..
They are our elders and yes they have seen world more than us but they might not have seen the problems that I have faced in life so far.. they grew up where they didnt have to think about job until they were 22 .. and here i had to start working when i was 16.. i had to start thinking about money adn saving and stuff where they didn't. I am not saying that they forced me to work.. i worked by my choice but at my current age, i think i know this society as well.
Re: Educating parents
Parents aren't infallible, perfect human beings. Sometimes, they do need to be advised on what is wrong and what is right. It's not as if they were given some instruction manual to life. They too are learning from trial and error every step of the way. And the good parents are the ones who at least listen to what their children are saying and will change themselves if they see the error of their ways. It's in the best interest of the family if parents respect their children's opinions and of course, if children respect their parents.
Re: Educating parents
I don't think it's just about changing parents for the heck of it Ashtray. It's also about adapting and trying to find a balance when one is in a different culture. My parents grew up in Pakistan, while I grew up in America. They lived their childhood in an environment totally different from the one I grew up in. To impose upon me a set of rules that are from another time and place is irrational, in my opinion. It is extremely difficult to grow up in a western society amongst friends who do not follow your religion, your cultural background, or your parents' beliefs. It's bad enough trying to struggle with the outside society; it gets even harder when you're fighting your parents to try to get them to understand what you're going through, and get them to give you some space and trust to figure things out. It is extremely, extremely hard raising kids in this country. I feel a lot of sympathy for all parents. But that does not mean one can close their eyes and live exactly the way they did back home. It breeds resentment. They're NOT back home! Keeping the children isolated from the outside world will not keep them safe forever.
Every person has a right to their choices. It's the hardest thing for parents to accept and practice when their kids are older, especially since it's a western concept that is not shared in the South Asian society. But for parents who live in the West, I think this is an especially important issue because the kids are learning that it is their RIGHT to decide their own lives. When your kids are learning one thing, and you are teaching another, unless you address the issues and treat your children with more respect and understanding, there will be a LOT more grief down the road. Thus the changing part. Because BOTH parents and children need to evolve, to talk with each other, learn to respect their past and make compromises for the present and future.
Re: Educating parents
Syani, that was an impressive post. You just summarized the feeling of every child of an immigrant. Well done!
Re: Educating parents
Educating parents sounds pretentious.
If a parent doesn't raise their child, then they're no parent at all. Part of the deal is educating the children...and that is meaningless unless a parent gives the child room to be their own person.
As I grew up, I found that my father was right on a whole smack of issues...being young and arrogant is no substitution for wisdom.
Re: Educating parents
Parents aren’t perfect, they make mistakes and stuff too.. 
they expect u to act like a proper Pakistani girl (no hanging out wtih freinds, no this or that or that or that) when in fact, you’re nowhere near Pakistan and it isnt’ fair at all..
Syani put it the best: its not right to keep em so isolated in order to feel safe..im learning a lot of things now that I should have learned way back in high school.. keepin em so isolated, it makes em immature n they get their first taste of freedom, they go crazy and sometimes endanger themselves (i.e., the drunk grl at the college party)..Like i said in another post, we all have difficulties, American/western desis and pakistanis, we all have problems, neither side has the best life…
My bro did a lot of things that I would never do, and i’d be lying if i said i didnt feel like staying out at night, hanging out wtih freinds, going to all grlz parties w/o worrying about getting home by 8 PM when everyone shows up at 730), or hell just having a job and taking a late class w/o them saying “no take another class/change ur major”…but i also dont wanna put them thru the grief he did so I don’t fight with my mom too often coz its not worth the trouble… but then again im still “jaan di azaab” to them 
Re: Educating parents
I just totally agree with u Sara!!!
In some families it is just very necessary to make a change and to educate the parents, but it doesnt mean that one starts fighting with the parents. I remember everytime my mother said no, I was so provoced that instead of start shouting and disagreeing I gave her other alternatives and she realized she was wrong, though she never admitted it explicitly…
I must say that I am very surpirsed the way my parents have changed. I am glad to see that change. BUT I must admit that I have become much more independent and I need more space with time passing by. And I think that my parents think that I am getting too much now that I as a girl demand too much…
I am just glad that my man appreciated my indenpendence and I really hope and pray that he will remain like that!!!otherwise I would just go crazy!!!
Re: Educating parents
Thanks babe. Feels so good to be past that stage.
Sara, I do agree with having conflicting emotions of not wanting to hurt my parents either. There's a lot of guilt that gets tied into everything, and looking back now there are definitely things I regret. It's never a straight and narrow path. Hopefully our generation will find a better balance when we raise our kids.