Well I know I started a thread on it some time back and no one replied. Funny enough that people either dont turn up when they are needed for help or only the juicy gossip lovers will contribute. This is time this is more specific and I have turned for help to folks here again because I know that atleast some here give a gem of an advice. So here goes my story:
My Inlaws are a problem family. I had been warned time and again before my marriage but since I was engaged, things couldnt be undone. I resolved to be good and positive to everyone whatsoever, so that we may keep a good relationship with one another. My MIL is a very eccentric woman. She was not in good terms with her MIL and her husband (my FIL) had always been on the side of his mother. This obviously played havoc to the family atmosphere. I, therefore brought a soft corner for my MIL in particular, and a resolution to be good and respectful enough to her to mend for what had happened with her in her past (God knowing whether she or her MIL was at fault).
So, knowing this lady has a problem background, I usually try to be around her all the time. And be obedient. She had problems with my sleeping habits, she complained, now I wake up and sleep as pleases her, thats alright. I usually bring her different gifts as well, as a goodwill gesture also. I make her breakfast, hi tea and talk about all that might please her, only in order to keep her happy because obviosly if a MIL is not happy you people can have an idea what horrible life can be.
Another one that lives with us is my youngest SIL. I remember months back, when I wasnt even married, I had issues with her bevaviour, and I talked about it here for an advice. She is one pampered kid, very eccentric, and having complexes that kids from such unhappy familes do have, usually. She is doing her masters so she isnt that infant but what I noticed from the day first here is that she kinda rules and mis behaves with the rest of the family, while everyone ignores and keeps pampering her. Im alright with that, but when she started mis behaving with me, I had to keep a distance. It is my obligation to be at servitude to the elders but I believe there is a certain self respect of an individual, and youngers should know how to observe that. She gave few gestures of mis behave like replying me rudely for a couple of times. Like I would go and ask her to eat something and she would refuse rudely as she wasnt well. Now this criteria to be rude to others if you are not feeling well is frankly annoying. I ignored for sometime but obviously there is a limit. As a result we both ended up stop talking to each other.
Today, I had been at the institution for some attstation of the documents where she reads and so does my sister. Sister saw me and came to me to talk to me. While we were talking (she was giving an account of her some personal problem) my SIL passed by and slammed the door behind. Now sister obviously was not her SIL to bear her rudeness so she went inside, gave a hard look and came back. I told her that she shouldnt have done that but well she said that she wasnt to bear such rude behaviour, well. She also left after some time. Again, my SIL, left and slammed the door loudest once again and left. Obviously the gesture was for me once again. And all this happened when there were people and other students present there. Now if she doesnt pay any respect to me that is fine I have accepted maybe she is like that. But showing such rude gestures in public obviously hurts BAD. especially shen she is around ten years younger. When I returned, I said to her that she didnt have to be rude in front of others. I shouted, and so did she. It was funny one on one fight (verbal) regardless of any mutual respect or the difference of age. My MIL was also present on the scene and you can imagine she totally backed up her daughter. And this is what hurt me like death. I thought that being the eldest she would atleast tell us both right from wrong but she pleasantly proved why MILS are infamous actually.
The SIL came to me later and said she was sorry. I said sorry to her too. Because I in anycase do not want to create any scene. My MIL since then is not talking to me. Strangely, shouldnt be it I who was singlled out and disillusioned that yes MILS are MILS afterall. I didnt even take time to console myself and be at distance from her so that she could atleast rethink what she did being the eldest. I made hi tea routine wise, went to her. Me and the SIL chatted, I talked to my MIL to, occasionally, little trivial things, but she would hardly answer. Now Im back to my room but this question is hovering in my brain. How long should I run after each member of the family in order to keep them happy, in order to keep my mental peace intact? Now when SIL is fine MIL doesnt want to talk to me. Should I keep pursuing her and flattering her regardless of whether she wants to talk to me or not? Because if I also behaved as indifferent as she is behaving, on my part, it would be considered bad manners. But it HURTS big time to live among people who have no sensibility regading others’ self respect and who wouldnt even pretend that they care. I know this is very very long story. Im hardly expecting any advice but I really need one.
Thanks.
