Early Childhood Days

Lifestyle Relationships
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My little cousin has been spending the evening with us and she is one real character. She’s 8 (or 9 or 10, sumfin like that), and she has a real personality taking over her and I’m afraid its nothing good. We play a game, and she can’t handle a loss. Okay, fine kids are stupid like that. But furthermore, she will go to the extent of cheating and trying to fool her little brother who can’t read yet, and doesn’t know what the monopoly cards say…

She wants to play all the time - and NEVER work. Her mother takes remote interest in her, and her focus is on the little boy. The little boy does his addition so well, the little boy can even subtract now, the little boy reads his surahs perfectly, etc etc. Meanwhile, I think the mother doesn’t think the elder daughter is worth much.

The little girl likes to cheat not only at games but at her assignments as well. Her father will do all her research for her for an assignment, not allowing her to go on the internet at all. He’ll do her math problems for her too…but he wont be lasting that long because I think he’s already having trouble with the brainteaser type questions…

She’s lazy, she cheats, she doesn’t NOT want to do any work, she has no focus when she is working, she doesn’t take any interest in school whatsoever, and she’s always misbehaving. She feigns stupidity for I don’t know what reason - like she’ll ask a question and she KNOWS the answer, but she’ll ask it anyway, and then laughs like an idiot when we call her on it. At times I wonder if there is a screw loose, but that’s mean of me, I know.

Her parents haven’t had a great loving relationship with her since she was born for some odd reason - I think its that they wanted a son. Regardless the mom never took any interest (and SHE WAS A HOUSEWIFE!)…she was always wanting to escape the home and the boriat of American lifestyle since she has recently moved from Pakistan. She was living in our old home, so she wasn’t too great about cleaning and looking after things (all that came about when her husband finally bought a new home for them). Likewise, she had no interest in child-rearing either.

The initial years of development were wasted on the little girl, and I sometimes wonder if its those years of neglect that have had such a negative impact on her…

Or is she just plain dumb and that’s in her genes and nothing can be done about it?

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Re: Early Childhood Days

I must say this answers alot of questions, like housewife or career wife and "mommy" or "daddy".

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Re: Early Childhood Days

From what you've said bout the parents... its probably that..

Poor girl is doomed to be an unlikeable, socially inept adult. Unfrotunately, at her age its too late to change basic personality traits. :(

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Re: Early Childhood Days

Not really… throws a curve to thsoe who say housewives are better mothers :mudhosh:

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Re: Early Childhood Days

CM actually no - those are random thoughts that fly thru my head as I read what people post here. :-D

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Re: Early Childhood Days

See it doesn't. Imagine the same kid with a career mother how much attention do you think either kid would get then - even with a 6 hour working day?

Ps. It is never too late to change if you have the right people believe in you and you get the right support.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

I hope you’re right… it’s kinda sad :frowning:

Time Pass
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Re: Early Childhood Days

Well in my Uncle’s defense…the guy works like a dog trying to provide for his family…given that his education is not much. I think he’s realizing NOW when her performance in school is showing how terrible she is doing intellectually and socially…that they might have gone wrong…

Like today…I made her make flashcards of the multiplication tables…she was like hey give me a random quiz (she’s finally asking to be quizzed now, Thank God)…so she got like 7 wrong out of 30…

And I’m talking 7 times 3 type questions…

And she’s in 5th grade…

I had gotten her to make flashcards last year I remember, and she claims that her mother threw those away…

This time I told the mom that I’m making her do it again, and for pity’s sake, keep the cards in a safe place and make SURE they do not get trashed. And to review them EVERY single DAY.

The mom nodded barely listening and turned back to the GEO drama that was on. :rolleyes:

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Re: Early Childhood Days

That is the fault of the parents. Just a small thing i noticed on my flight from Switzerland to the US nearly 3 years ago. If parents are not doing well together it can easily be sensed by the kids. There were two couples on the plane. One which had one baby girl who just smiled during the whole flight. Landing, turbluence you name it. The parents were chatting away and playing with her and just calm. Even when it got really rocky and stuff hell out of the over head compartments they kept their cool and made sure the kid felt safe.

On the other hand another couple same nationality etc - Swiss. Their kids were crying before they got on the plane. The parents were paniced and speaking very harshly with each other. At one point the father left them in their seats found another seat and went to sleep. Children sense this stuff acutely. The kids and parents were a mess.

In this case both parents are at fault. Firstly for not working on their relationship as that directly affects the kids. Then the fact that they do not pay enough attention to the kids. Thirdly they play favorites. The child is not to be blamed at all. The parents are. Imagine such a situation with a working mother. It would be much worse. Or a laid off father. Same thing.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

I wrote a reply which got deleted due to my damn router that will not work for more than 20 minutes goddamn that sob of a router and whoever made it!

I was going to say, please be careful, the topic of the thread is not is it because we're talking about a working woman or a stay-at-hom mom, but rather whether these early childhood experiences a child has...are those effects permanent? Or is it just the natural nature of the child... i.e. is it in this child's nature to be a lazy bum and cheat?

The point about working moms/housewives is just a side point that I made in light of other discussions going on in the thread...

The thread title should be obvious about that, anyway, but I want to make it clear since the topic is already swerving.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

No they are not permanent. But by the age of 12 they would be extremely deep rooted that changing them is very hard. You can learn and unlearn alot of habits, but only if you are forced too.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

So this is the age to force her into getting her act together at school right? God, I feel horrible for her...I could NOT believe that she was not able to do her times tables right...explains why she's bringing in C's as a friggin 5th grader in math.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

Well don't forget she feels inadequate and worse than you do. She knows the other kids can do it and she can't. This is the time for positive reinforcement and not negative or punishment. The idea is to help her. She is going to be battling with self-esteem and confidence issues becuase of this.

Additionally because her parents don't pay any attention to her from what you have described and that she is a kid she doesn't understand her feelings and emotions so she acts out. You have two choices really. Take over control for her sake but this is a long term commitment a god 5 or 6 years. Or just forget about it, because half-assing with his kid will just confuse her and destory her self-esteem and psychology even more.

Time Pass
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Re: Early Childhood Days

She will turn out fine. Most of the little kids I know are quite strange. When some of them were younger, I thought something's terribly wrong with them, but some of them have improved.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

she sounds like a rather clever youngster.... and a little attention seeking thats all.

Ao Antakshiri kheltY haiN .. [merged]
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Re: Early Childhood Days

Early childhood experiences do have great affect on a child. If you think she's been neglected or is second to her younger brother then I'm sure she's feeling that and acting out in some way. She actually seems to be a bit spoiled by her Daddy and it's made her lazy. She doesn't need to try hard with school because she knows things will just be done for her. Maybe she is seeking attention and hoping her parents notice her. If kids can't get attention for being good then they can get attention for negative things. Her mother definitely needs to take more interest in her life, not just school and grades. But this little girl might be motivated to achieve something good if she believes that people care.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

wow, if her Dad does her homework for her, how can she learn anything? That's probably why she doesn't want to do that work.

And cheating in games is probably also because she is used to getting what she wants, she has to learn that in life you can't always have what you want.

I had a problem with my son, he didn't like to loose in games. He didn't know how to cheat (he's 6 now) but whenever he lost, he started yelling and crying. It took me some time to teach him that losing is part of life. I think it's important that we teach our children at a young age that they can't have it all. In their mind games are very important, when they learn to lose in games, in later life it h elps them in different issues.

And children should have the same rules from both parents and they should be strict when it comes to those rules. We've lived with my parents and my brother for a while, and whenever I said no to something, they said yes. There were no real rules for the kids. As a result no discipline. Now I'm learning to be more consistent with my children, a no is a no. Don't give in just because a child keeps nagging. That is difficult. But clear rules are very important for children.

Time Pass
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Re: Early Childhood Days

What you've described applies to a lot of these new generation desi kids. Usually they are pretty clever, just not school smart. The key is parenting. Desi parents are usually extreme in their upbringing. Either they spoil the kids rotten (and I mean ROTTEN) or they don't pay enough attention. Some are too caught up in their own lives and ignore things like academic performance, "after all the kid is only in the 4th grade" attitude.

Children are really flexible, all it takes is some good guidance and most problems can be fixed early on like before puberty. After that, change is still possible but a lot harder to bring about.

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Re: Early Childhood Days

There are different type of kids… some are dumb like me some are smart like her …

Don’t worry, she will grow out to be perfect … just like you :kiss:

Did I say something wrong ?

:konfused:

:ahaa:

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Re: Early Childhood Days

she is a female, right PCG?. Very few women have intelligent cells in their systems and most of them spit it out. I hope this helps. :)