God stopped short of Me!
As if he was never to show up, again
This time, he is really gone.
Although, I had all the intentions of making him so - mine.
For he longed for me to remember him
All this time we spoke or did not speak.
When I did not, he made me remember him, bad.
He is in a situation, now, that he has me wanting
Other Gods- Life and its little ambiances
All efforts of work and becoming wealthy
He made such a house in my heart – grand, permanent, a castle.
On my mind, in my bones and in my spirit he could induce only
clawed fluff, fuzz of being unsure, invalidated, not confirmed
Warmth which was so there, yet I refused to accept what was offered.
Charming, indeed.
Annoying all others to please this one…
Pleasing all others to annoy this one
What do I do?
Like the rhythms from an Arabic music piece
calming, at the same time so crazy mad.
Or is it a deception of the two of us unto each other?
He testing me, & I testing him…
Not knowing our own selves inwardly
How hollow can this be?
It was not in his imagination.
This was not what I meant.
Oh, where did he go?
Dismayed in me, I in him.
Crap, crap like feeling as if nothing will wash this guilt away
Expect, getting to know each other once again.
Before his self and my self surpassed each other’s
In anger, in disappointment, in overbearing
uncertainty of subtle loss
I am slipping away … an accident to him.
He said, “Come along & get ready to go with me”.
And I said, “No”.
I lost him time and again.
Mirroring my ways,
Giving me a dose of my own medicine
Controlling my ego, in exhausting his
Wow, what a way to show care.
In side we knew we said to ourselves…”You hope, I hope”
…We both hoped, hopelessly.
He indicated this to me, many times.
& I lost him for good this time.
Why had he not shown me a sign?
Did I care to look for one?
Silence spoke, made a point
At my end, at his end…
There is no end, yet again another no- closure to another unclosed affair
Discontent, mellowed worthlessness, wasting our souls
Trying to understand
To undo it all, to rewind the time, so trying to begin all over again
But,
God had to stop short of me.
He wants me to take a step out of my own accord
That will make him glad, perhaps.
