just fill in the blank to inform him of your intentions!
Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention
as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed
to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an
opening become available.
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors,
please allow me tooffer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from
the competition.
Check ALL that apply…}
___Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenating
it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It’s just not something I can picture
myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___Your inadvertent admission that you “buy condoms by the truckload”
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my
personality.
____You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about
yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___Your constant phone calls/emailing shows me you have TOO much time on
your hands!
___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___You’re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up
repeatedly at recess.
___You’re too tall. I’m developing a chronic neck condition from trying to
kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
____The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals aninherent
slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
____The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek
uniforms a little disconcerting.
____Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that
you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
____Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a
long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should,however,
happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your
application.
___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really
necessary for a successful business trip.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,______________________
