Driving Rules In India.
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life
outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is “both”. Basically you start on the left of the road,
unless it is occupied. In that
case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by
occupying the next available
gap, as in chess.
- Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to
much misery and occasional fatality. - Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended
direction. Don’t you get
discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for a belief in
reincarnation, the other drivers are not
in any better position. - Don’t stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to
cross the road. You may do
so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been
strictly instructed to cross
only when traffic is moving slowly or had come to a dead stop because
some minister is in town.
Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill
of the dead. - Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We
horn to express joy,
resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or,
just mobilize a dozing cow in
the middle of the bazaar. - Keep informative books in the glove compartment You may read them
during traffic jams, while
awaiting the chief minister’s motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters
to recede when overground
traffic meets underground drainage. - Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for
those with the mental
makeup of Genghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian
roulette, because you do not know
who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on
the horizon turns out to
be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull
partly into the field adjoining
the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders,
but occasional boulders.
Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing
in the truck is the driver, and
the peg of illicit arrack he has had at the last stop, his total
cerebral functions add up to little
more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are
licensed to kill. Often
you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above
the ground. This is not a
super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on,
usually the left one. It could be
the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove
your point posthumously. Of
course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the
daytime, trucks are more visible,
except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must
watch for the absent signals;
they are a greater threat.) Only, you will often observe that the
cleaner that sits next to the driver,
will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to
be construed as a signal for a
left turn. The waving is just an expression of physical relief on a hot
day. Occasionally you might
see what looks like an UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds
emanating from within.
This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans.These
pilgrims go at breakneck
speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Unique to Indian traffic: Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi)
The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this
three-wheeled vehicle works
on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil
and creosote. This
triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three
times its weight and
dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric
calculations,children are folded and
packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery
are not in contact with the
vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic
gaps all round so
those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no
permanent damage. Of course,
the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn
Newton’s laws of motion en route to
school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film
Ben Hur, and are licensed to
irritate.
Mopeds
The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an
electric shaver. It runs 30
miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As
the sides of the road are too
rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the
road; they would rather drive
under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often “mopped” off
the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes
Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there
is absolute mayhem
(hell). There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn
hang off the railings and the
overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying
laws of surface tension.
As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger),
no questions are ever
asked.Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street
These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise
drab lives. Don’t stick to the
literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it
means that you cannot
proceed in two directions at once.So drive as you like, in reverse
throughout, if you are the fussy
type.
Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and
fast driving in residential
areas has been prevented by providing a “speed breaker”; two for each
house. This mound,
incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and
is left untarred for easy
identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to
recover the pipe for year-end
accounting.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons
between 8 PM and 11 am-when
the police have gone home.The citizen then free to enjoy the ‘FREEDOM
OF SPEED’ enshrined in
our constitution.
*** Having said all this, isn’t it true that the accident rate and
related deaths are less in India
compared to US or other countries!!?