^ I noticed this with alot of families/crowds. the older generation was quite conservative and strict but by the time we are in our 20s we see the younger crowd doing things that our familis would NEVER let us have done in the past. Like my uncle was very strict with his daughter, who was my age.. he's not so crazy with the younger ones now, in regards to dress, hanging out w/ friends, after school activities etc.
I went shopping with a friend who was buying some gift for a little girl (1-2), and kept saying this dress was too "nanga" or 'revealing"... that jsut disturbed me so much.
AFter a certain age, I think girls in our communty develop a natural sense of "hayaa." 3 is so young to understand anything. But in such cases, moms should be a little proactive.
yea i think it comes naturally to most of us given the right environment. one day you jsut begin to feel conscious, its like a natural alarm clock
^ But then it also depends on the children themselves, right? Perhaps your parents teachings' and your personality just meshed really well so you were comfortable being who you were and doing what you did. I don't know if you grew up in the States or elsewhere, but I have to say that there seems to be more and more pressure on kids these days to be like everyone else. As you said, its very difficult to stand out, and to stand out in a way where you're excluding yourself from all the "fun" that everyone else is involved in. It takes a very strong personality and I think that happens to be rare during the teenage years when you're still trying to figure out who you want to be.
Most parents I've met and known from my parent's generation (as opposed to my own) want to to deny that their kids are even thinking about these things, but kids are pretty smart and they will come to the conclusion of being Muslim (or not), on their own. Its not a case of just teaching them to be Muslim from birth but I think as parents its important not to discount the idea that your children are independent thinkers and will eventually go through a period of questioning what they know and what they believe. And you have to trust that what you've instilled in them will be sufficient to help them make the right choices. And isn't that beauty of Islam, anyway, that you think about it and you still come back to it because it makes so much sense? I can say this from a teenager's perspective because I went through that period of wondering and thinking and being really confused, and yeah, how I dressed did come in to it. And what social activities I engaged in- the ones I was allowed to and the ones I wasn't. But in the end, I realized my identity as a person was very closely tied in to my being a Muslim - I couldn't separate the two - and at one point I realized that I no longer wanted to.
I know I have no answers to a lot of questions that are often raised in this Parenting forum- mainly because I don't have children yet (although that might change soon iA :)) but also because I wasn't raised the way my kids will be. My husband is from a different culture and I don't know what my kids will choose culturally and at the end of it, I guess that matters very little to me. I'm more interested in their minds and their beliefs and what, of our teachings, will stick with them. Because really, most kids (yes, including desi kids) will, at some point or the other, rebel- whether they choose to try pot or go dancing at a club- I think the important thing is to pick your battles. Does it matter so much if your daughter wears a sleeveless dress if she prays five times a day? Does that make her more or less a Muslim than the girl who wears hijab at home but sheds it at school in favour of a blowout?
it's such a headache.... i hate that clothing should be such a big deal, but as some fo these replies clearly indicate, it's abt ALOT more than just that...