I am scared of what may happen and what may not. Specially the time of rukhsati. I am just so scared as to how my parents will manage without me. They haven’t stayed a night without me and till now even as i grow up i sometimes sleep with them. I am part of their every single decision related to small and big ones. Its like they rely on me for every little thing specially my mother who even asks which clothes to wear when going out. There are lots of emotional ties here. Many best friends i have spent beautiful time with and undoubtedly sisters to me..people who are always there and are just a phone call away.
I am now scared of shifting to a new country; knowing no one there. With every passing day the fear isnt getting any less its just hovering my head all the time. I think about it all the time, i even have dreams about it when i wake up all scared. I am just seriously very insecure about my future..how and what it will be. How my family will be without me, how my husband will attend to them or how will I be able to help them in any way even though they would be so far. I am just going to miss them way too much and it takes me just a minute to cry when i think about leaving my favourite city, my favourite people, my siblings,my study place, my work place, my beautiful house, my lovely life as a whole and going into something for which i have to make so many compromises already. I am dreading it so much!
Did every one go through all these thoughts? Is it cold feet again or i am actually nearing a nervous breakdown?
Awww DaffyDuck, I guess it's something all us girls go through at one point in our lives. I'm going through that now, it's pretty daunting; new place, new people etc, but it's a positive change and change is good, otherwise life would be pretty boring. And the cold feet thing is normal. :)
Start practicing separation from your parents by going away to your friends and extended family and spend a couple of weeks there. It will give you and your parents some strength to cope with this big shock .
awww DaffyDuck... this is the very same reason I have always resisted a proposal from abroad. I pray and wish that I get married in my country so that I don't leave my family and spend lots of fun times with them along with my husband. But this is something we can't control and its purely qismat where, when, how and whom we marry.
Mentally prepare yourself abd your family for your future. Do what Mirch says. Start spending days and nights away at your relatives/ cousins/ friends' places. Discuss with your parents how you and your should manage without each other even if it means crying your heart out. You all will feel better by accpeting the inevitable and this will prepare you all for the future.
InshAllah you will be happy with your husband in your new home. My sister's wedding was last week and she moved to the States (We're in Canada). She had never been away from home either and I know before the shaadi, all of us agreed not to be emotional and cry but it's natural to do in the moment. She was exactly like you, she was crying and telling us she didn't want to go and she kept questioning why we wanted to send her far away BUT honestly, at her Valima this weekend she was SO happy and was full of smiles. When we were leaving, she was standing right next to her husband (once again happy and smiling) and even waved goodbye in excitement!
InshAllah your husband will also help you transition and comfort you and inshAllah your fears will disappear once you're with him.
Everything will change, but that's life. Things will be hard then eventually get better. We were made to adapt, and your parents will learn to live without you so don't worry about them. Just be happy you get to start your life with someone you love, and you're not leaving your family on bad terms if you know what I mean.
People are just a phone call away. Keep yourself busy and don't worry about these things because what you're feeling is probably very normal
Did every one go through all these thoughts? Is it cold feet again or i am actually nearing a nervous breakdown?
I can so relate to it as being the only daughter of my parents and they being highly dependent on me for everything, I was scared and fikermand too. Days before my wedding, i used to stay awake thinking as to how they will cope without me and vice versa but these thoughts are so natural..InshAllah you will see that things will eventually start getting easier..Just pray .. it really helps..Rest, God is there to take care of everything :)
I am moving from Pakistan to England. So i can't really visit my parents often as well. After like a year if i do visit, i'll have to manage time between in-laws mainly then my family and friends. Things are going to drastically change and i am not even getting myself prepared for them well. I am so overly worrying about everything.
I guess it becomes easier for those who know their fiance's or husbands better and are in love with them.In my case, i dont love him; I do like him for many things but i am finding him a little inflexible and strict sort so its all very daunting for me. Leaving country, family and a perfect life into something that i am already not very positive about. My expectations are lowering down as days pass and i am getting scared all the time. I am not the usual chirpy happy over-the-moon kind of bride. I am a normal bride who is just dreading the day, hating the system of girl leaving her home and just becoming some one she is originally not. I am just extremely tensed over it all. Honestly, it will be a 180 degrees change and i just am freaking out for it. What if i mess up? What if he is so busy that he doesn't give me time (he already works 13 hours a day)? What if he still doesn't make changes? What if he gets bored of it all too quick? what if he doesnt really care about me or my family? What if i will stay home 24 hours a day and just be a cook and a dish washer? What if i really get to make no friends? what if? what if? ............ I know its a very negative way to approach things and probably thats why i am on the verge of a breakdown but i cant help putting these thoughts away - i am so highly insecure of what may or may not happen?
What if my parents cry a lot and just dont adjust.. I dont know what to do. These weddings are not always that much fun; there is a lot of emotional melodrama going on within you and i am hating it so very much. Why should we girls have to compromise so much yaar! We just get a guy out of the whole situation who may or may not even cater to our needs? What do we give out of it - Our 24 hours dedicated to a person and his family who haven't borne you, fed you, catered to you, you serve others, you leave your education and office life some times, you leave a million loved ones, you go through painful processes of having kids ... Too many compromises required of one person! :(
I dont remember many brides that were overly happy or chirpyyy! I remember one bride having a meltdown the DAY of her wedding…lol.
We get a little sensitive around this time, thats all.
Your husband has not been a husband before and neither have you ever been a wife. So give him time to get accustomed to his new role and you do the same. Give him the same courtesy you would like. Your friends will happen with time and effort on your part…so dont sit at home and do nothing. Most of the friends I made were from school or work so get busy and the rest will eventually start to fall into place. Find a job, pick up a hobby, go to school, get involved in a cause you love, community service, volunteering at a local masjid, etc etc etc.
It sounds soooo much easier when I say it, I know. But you have to remember that a lot of this IS within your control.
Its natural to be fearful of change in our lives, however when you have gone through that stage and start living with your husband soon everyone will get used to the new environment, including your parents. Above all they would want you to be happy wherever you are. You'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.
I am moving from Pakistan to England. So i can't really visit my parents often as well. After like a year if i do visit, i'll have to manage time between in-laws mainly then my family and friends. Things are going to drastically change and i am not even getting myself prepared for them well. I am so overly worrying about everything.
I guess it becomes easier for those who know their fiance's or husbands better and are in love with them.In my case, i dont love him; I do like him for many things but i am finding him a little inflexible and strict sort so its all very daunting for me. Leaving country, family and a perfect life into something that i am already not very positive about. My expectations are lowering down as days pass and i am getting scared all the time. I am not the usual chirpy happy over-the-moon kind of bride. I am a normal bride who is just dreading the day, hating the system of girl leaving her home and just becoming some one she is originally not. I am just extremely tensed over it all. Honestly, it will be a 180 degrees change and i just am freaking out for it. What if i mess up? What if he is so busy that he doesn't give me time (he already works 13 hours a day)? What if he still doesn't make changes? What if he gets bored of it all too quick? what if he doesnt really care about me or my family? What if i will stay home 24 hours a day and just be a cook and a dish washer? What if i really get to make no friends? what if? what if? ............ I know its a very negative way to approach things and probably thats why i am on the verge of a breakdown but i cant help putting these thoughts away - i am so highly insecure of what may or may not happen?
What if my parents cry a lot and just dont adjust.. I dont know what to do. These weddings are not always that much fun; there is a lot of emotional melodrama going on within you and i am hating it so very much. Why should we girls have to compromise so much yaar! We just get a guy out of the whole situation who may or may not even cater to our needs? What do we give out of it - Our 24 hours dedicated to a person and his family who haven't borne you, fed you, catered to you, you serve others, you leave your education and office life some times, you leave a million loved ones, you go through painful processes of having kids ... Too many compromises required of one person! :(
Oh dear...ur post made me teary eyed...inshaALLAH everything ll turn out good for u as someone said we are made to adapt...as a daughter i did and do feel this way but ALLAH (SWT) ll make things easy for u and i do pray for u sis...that ALLAH(SWT)gives u a smooth transition into ur new life and gives u HIS special blessings and u ll have a blissfull,happy married life.Ameen!
You'll live. Hundreds of women with equally loving parents and equally stodgy husbands do it every single year. Parents adjust. They have been mentally ready for you to live away from home from the moment you were born. True story.
dont know what to say , but im sure you will be fine i’A
I remember one bride having a meltdown the DAY of her wedding…lol.