I always thought dowry is a form of present(s) from the bride’s family to the newly married couple (and not just the groom alone). I thought it could be something that the couple needs.
What beats me is the way dowry works in our culture. It ranges from an extensive wardrobe for the bride and groom (to some extent) to jewelry, furniture, pots and pans, T.V., and many other big appliances. I see these items (apart from jewelry) as things that would likely be needed in furnishing another dwelling. Quite often the couple stays with the parents and most of what has been listed above serves as redecorating the house than fulfilling the basic needs of the couple. If the groom is incapable of providing for the bride initially, then why get married in the first place?
To me it almost feels as though there’s a price attached to the bride. It feels as though the bride’s family is trying to get the message across that “sorry, our daughter is not worthy enough for your son (or your family), but we’ll make it up to you by sending her off with such and such”, or that the groom’s family is just too greedy to settle for the bride alone.
I admit not all dowries are as extensive; however, loads of jewelry and an extensive wardrobe is almost always there.
It appears to be more of a transaction and a burden than a joyful event.
If you are muslim: it certainly is a price for the woman as well as the gift. For having her as in personal relations with her.
Not as you may think tho.
Look for Sahih Bukhari/Muslim Sunan Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Musnad Ibn Hanbal, Sunan at Tirmidhi, History of at Tabari, Ibn Ishaq, etc to see what PROPHET and Sahaba said and is ..and why it is and was
Even the Quran mentions it clearly.
If people dont like that. Tough.
Many are the disbelievers and theres nothing knew there.
And it wasnt such as all tehse gisfts etc....
IIRC Ali never had anything to give Fatimha when the Prophet chose and married him to her.
So teh Prophet said, give her the "mahr" which you have to as is her right.
he said, he doesnt havent anything.
prophet said, what about the shield.
He said, but thats all I have.
Prophet said sell it and give her the right
So he went out, in the way found Uthamn, who bought it, paid the price, and as a wedding gift, returned the shield to him also.
And Ali gave this to Fatimha....thats mahr for you.
is it not enough that the girl is moving away from her home, her parents - and they've got enough things to worry about as it is, but nooo..gotta add on a million other things that needs to be brought with the girl.
forget the dishes, and the furniture for the couple..i've seen instances where the girl's family is expected and asked to provide clothes/jewelry for the groom's side of the family (i.e. - mom, sisters, aunts, cousins, grandmothers)
why..? i don't get it. it's just silly expensive after expensive - just being a burden on the girl's family.
after seeing so many eloborate and fancy weddings, the more simpler a wedding is, the more tasteful i find it.
and all this giving of clothes and jewerly ..and all that non-sense stuff - they're just silly customs we've picked up from others along the way.
i dunno when desi people are gonna learn to stop wasting so much money on useless things.
i mean ..if you've got the money to spend...sure go ahead. don't put that burden on someone else..
ohh..and if you're blessed to have that much - spend it on those less fortunate than you - rather than doing it for show.
Dowry for the girl is haq meher..that's her Islamic right..
Dowry for the guy is jahez, where other than clothes and jewelry, the girl brings furniture and pots and pans and everything. While I actually kinda find the concept really nice, setting your duaghter up for a new life/new home etc, theway its usually carried out and the way parents get upset over having a daughter coz of all of it, or inlaws abusing that is very wrong.
As for the presents for the groom's extended family, I suppose it could be seen as a nice gesture; however, many have made it obligatory upon themselves to go out of their way and present the groom's side with all sorts of presents.
I'm sure the groom's side likely does the same (i.e. presents for the bride's side of the family).
there is a difference between giving and demanding....but what i find really interesting is the guys who let their parents demand dowry, arent they ashamed, its no better than stealing....if you want luxury items you should work your butt for it, nothing should be handed to you in a silver platter.
